To the One Boy I Still Love

2

I woke up on the couch and sighed contentedly as I moved closer to Peter under the blanket. He wrapped his arm around my waist protectively. I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.

When I woke up next, Peter was gone and for a second I was worried it was all a dream. Until I heard a car door close and the front door open. "Hello?" I heard quietly. "I'm in here", I yelled back weakly. My head was pounding and I felt weak. "Lara Jean! I'm sorry if I woke you up." "No you're good, I woke up a while ago," my voice sounds hoarse. Peter tilted his head to the side, "are you ok? You don't sound too good." "No, no I'm fine" I responded in a hoarse voice. He looked like he didn't believe me but didn't push. Turns out Peter was out getting donuts so my anger vanished instantly. He smiled that charming smile at me and got out my favorite donut. I looked at it and felt sick. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom. I made it in time and slid to the ground scraping my knee on the tile before I threw up what little I had eaten from last night. Peter knocks gently on the door and asks to come in and I start to protest but he comes in anyway. "What are you doing? Don't come in! I look worse than" I start to say but am interrupted. "Don't you fucking dare say that shit to me Lara Jean" he responds, his eyes ablaze. "What do you mean?" I ask timidly, not meeting his eyes. "I know you were gonna say you look worse than usual, that's bull shit. You never look bad" then quietly he added "and I won't stop saying that you. are. beautiful every day until you believe me. And if anyone gets in the way of you realizing that they'll have me to deal with, I won't put up with jealous girls telling MY girl that she is anything less than amazing or that she doesn't deserve me. because that's B.S." I smiled when he called me his girl, but frowned when I realize what else he had said. "How did you know about me being told that I wasn't good enough for you?" I asked him in a confused voice. Just talking about it made me feel like throwing up all over again, I remember that conversation perfectly.

Flash back

I was in the restroom at the ice cream store where I was with Kitty and her friend. I was washing my hands when a girl I vaguely recognized from school walked in and stopped short when she saw me. It was after Peter and I had "broken up". She looked me up and down and scoffed before saying, "What did Peter Kavinsky ever see in you? He either really downgraded from Gen, or you're some charity case," she told me in a bored voice. I had obviously realized that Genevieve and I were totally different and that my looks could never compare to hers, but I thought I was ok enough. "What do you mean?" I asked her in a small voice, afraid of the answer "Oh sweet how cute. You thought Peter was dating you cause you're good enough. Isn't that precious. No you dumb bitch, have you seen yourself recently? You're eyes are too big for your face, you're short, you have no boobs and no sense of style. Not to mention your hair and face. Sorry to break it to you, but no guy could ever truly like you, especially not Peter. Even if he didn't still like Genevieve do you really think he would be interested in you?" I didn't know what to say so I just stayed quiet while I stared at the ground, I stayed that way until she finished going to the bathroom and washing her hands before I finally looked at myself in the mirror. What I saw disgusted me, she was right, I was stupid to think that Peter K would like me. I left the bathroom and took Kitty and her friend home. When we got there, I went straight to my room and wrote down everything she told me so that when I got my hopes up I could look at it and remind myself that it could't be true. At the bottom I signed her name, which I barely remembered was Trelcey Hipper. I put it in my teal hatbox at the very bottom.

End flash back
After that encounter more people had been telling me similar things, each hurtful in its own way, so I wrote all of them down and put them in my hatbox. I counted thin a few days ago, 38 in all.

Peter narrowed his eyes. "You mean somebody told YOU that too?"

Peter's POV

Who the fuck thinks they have the right to tell my beautiful Lara Jean that she isn't good enough for me? when I brought that up, I was referring to the time when one of the guys on the lacrosse team started talking about her in the locker room with my buddy when he thought I wasn't there yet.

Flash back

"Hey, so you know Lara Jean? Peter's girlfriend?" Chad asked my good friend Gabe responds with, "Well duh, who doesn't? I mean she's Peter's girlfriend. Not to mention she's freaking adorable." I smiled at this because it's true. I know I don't have to worry about him liking her because he's already dating Stacey, but I know he already loves Lara Jean as if she was his sister. Chad, seeming to ignore the last part of what he said goes on, "what does he even see in her? She's ugly and a virgin. Not to mention her boobs, or lack there of" he responded in a bored tone. I could see anger in Gabe's eyes which I'm sure was nothing compared to mine. "Who the fuck do you think you are talking about her like that?" he responded in a deadly voice "you are so lucky Peter isn't in here. He would rip your head off, I might've even helped." He growls menacingly. Gabe is a laid back guy, everyone knows that. So if he gets mad (which he really only does if it has to do with Stacy or his friends) you know it's serious. And I don't blame him right now, if I didn't want to hear the rest of what Chad had to say about my sweet Lara Jean I probably would have gone out there and killed him with my bare hands, which were currently shaking in my rage. Chad seeming scared took a step back with his hands in the air as if to say 'whah bro. calm down' and said, "Well I'm just saying, I don't think she's good enough for him. She won't be able to satisfy him, not to mention Genevieve was like a 10 and she's about a -10" he calls and walks out to practice. I walk out from where I was hiding and Gabe saw me and his eyes grew wide " D-did you hear that?" he asks hesitantly. Instead of answering I punched a locker so hard that it left a dent in it. "I take it that you did" "Who the fuck does he think he is? Lara Jean is fucking perfect, especially compared to Genevieve." I growled through clenched teeth. "I know bro, but we have to get out there let's go." We walked out and started our laps around the field. I was lucky it was our scrimmage day, I purposefully made it so that Chad and I were on opposite teams and so that Gabe was with him and Gabe and I devised a plan of revenge. Gabe would pass to Chad and I'd be able to take him out every time. By the end of practice he had two black eyes and was limping. Back in the locker room he confronted me, "Dude what the hell? What did I ever do to you?" I looked at him in disgust, "You bad-mouthed my girl, that's what" I replied before slamming my locker shut and walking away. Before I left though I called over my shoulder "And you only wish you had someone as perfect as Lara Jean" before leaving the locker room.

End flash back
I was used to people telling me that she wasn't good enough, and I know that most guys would have started to believe it. But I didn't, not for a single second. I knew all the guys were just jealous that they couldn't have her. But when I heard her say that people, or at least one person had told her that she wasn't good enough, I lost it.