Was Ready For Brent (Varsity Series:1)

15. CONFUSION

I wiped my tears as I walk away from him. He remained sitting inside the coffee shop while watching me leave.

Kahit saang anggulo tingnan Brent, mali parin e. Ayokong may masaktan kang iba para lang mangyari tayong dalawa. Kasi alam ko hindi ka ganoong klaseng tao. Pero ang sakit mo naman...akala ko makakapaghin-
tay ka. Hindi mo siguro nakaya.

Ang tanga ko naman kasi e. Kung kailan nawala mas doon ko kinailangan. Doon ko mas nasiguro sa sarili kong mahal ko talaga.

I should have admitted my feelings sooner. Sana hindi ko na pinatagal, kung sana lang talaga wala akong mga pangamba. Kung sana lang pwedeng ipagsabay ang pangarap ko sa pagmamahal ko sakanya.

I felt betrayed by my own self.

Naabot ko nga ang pangarap ko pero nawala naman siya sa'kin.

The person who stayed while I'm still achieving my dream, left when I achieved it.

Brent had always been ready for me. Naging panatag ako na isantabi muna ang pagmamahal ko sakanya dahil akala ko makakapaghintay iyon.

Pero noong naging handa na ako sa pag-ibig niya, sya naman ang napagod.

And I was too late to realized that even before I've been so ready for him too. Now...it's too late. All I can do now is regret while carrying my pain.

Mahal parin kita.

Mahal na mahal parin kita Brent.

Noong gabing iyon hindi man lang ako dinalaw ng antok. My head were just spinning nonstop. Ang gulo-gulo ng isip ko. Nagkakabuhol-buhol ang utak ko. I have a lot questions for him that I'm hesitating to ask that's why I never did earlier.

But I badly wanna ask him why...

Why did he cut our connection?

Why did he stop calling?

Why did he let himself continue without feeling my presence?

Because I remember before that he cannot study without feeling my presence beside him. How did he managed to do it without me?

Did he forgot about that fast?

At...bakit, bakit niya nagawa yun?

Bakit ganun ang nangyari?

Bakit humantong kami sa ganito?

I closed my eyes tiredly when I heard my phone beep for a text. I get it for the thought that it was emergency but my heart flutter when I saw his username on my screen.

@brnte.gmnz:

Thank you that I got the chance to be close to you. I know you're confuse right now. I drop this message to tell you that I never stop loving you and I miss you everyday while I'm abroad.

@brnte.gmnz:

Please have a good night. I love you so much, love.

I chuckled in pain once again.

I wish I could reply the way I used to before. Yung makakapagreply ako sa gusto kong sabihin. Yung saya kapag binabanggit niya ang tatlong salitang yun, wala na.

I force myself not to reply and just ignore his message but it wouldn't get out of my system. I heaved a deep sigh as I click the block button.

Naubusan ako ng choice. Wala ng ibang paraan para mawalan siya ng contact sa'kin.

Napakagat labi ako habang pinagmamasdan ang kaniyang username na naka-block na sa'kin.

Paano tayo napunta sa ganito Brent?