Light in the Darkness

One: Beginning

(trigger warning, mentions of PTSD, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks.)
Every story starts off with she wasn't like the others. I believe it's overused.

If anyone tells my story, I want the to start with it was a girl, and her journey to a new life. That is, if anyone cares about my life.

If you care who I am, I'm Aryssa White, and this is my story.

*
On the first day of eighth grade, I woke up at five o'clock in the morning, only noticing my parents were nowhere to be found.

Probably doing something inappropriate.

I always have thoughts running though my head.

I went to find some cereal, but it was all stale, so I decided to have eggs instead.

It was almost six before I finished my food. I rushed upstairs to pack my bag, and grab things I would need to give to the nurse.

I took my PTSD and ADHD medicine before I gathered everything else.

"This is it, Aryssa," I breathed. "Last year of middle school. You will be okay."

Earlier that year, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, and anxiety. It sucked because my parents wouldn't get treatment until a few weeks ago when I had an episode of panic attacks and trying to hurt myself. That's when they got me the medication I needed.

Everyday is a struggle, even with the meds.

I went to my stop at 6:50 am because my bus would be there in ten minutes.

I tapped my finger nails again my water bottle as I was getting anxious.

"Where is it?" I sighed as I searched my backpack for a stim toy. "Do I not have it? No, I packed in. I need it right now."

I began to get overwhelmed, but soon found it. I breathed a sigh of relief as the bus pulled up. I stepped on, knowing Ayla would be on already. She waved me over and I sat down.

"Aryssa! How have you been?" She asked.

"We just talked last night," I laughed.

"I know that, I just need to ask you."

"You're funny, I'm fine, I think my parents are doing 'it' again."

"That sucks," she said, "how are you doing with y'know?"

"Meh, I sometimes forget to take the ADHD pills, but I'm getting better at it," I said.

"That sucks, but hey! It will get better."

"Maybe, but not my parents."

"Still doing those things?" Ayla asked.

I nodded, not looking at her.

I still can remember the time I caught them too. I'm still scared. That what triggered the first cut.

Ayla could see the tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm here if you need me, okay?"

I nodded, trying not to cry. She looked at me like she wasn't sure I was going to be okay.

I will be okay.. no I won't...yes you will, no I will not!

Thoughts paced through my head a million miles a second.

Even though it had been forty minutes, it felt like hours.

I knew I would be okay, but I couldn't trust myself. I need to hide all my pointy things. Now.

I just sat there, not saying a word to Ayla or anyone. I just wanted to get the day over. I needed to go somewhere away from my parents.