indeceptible - a sal singh agggtm fanfic

one year after the disappearance

TW self harm and suicide attempt

(the whole story wont be like this, this is just a sad start)

     It was two days after my boyfriend was murdered that I tried to kill myself for the first time. That was a year ago, feels like a lifetime ago. So much has happened since that day in May. I've had too many attempts to count now. It would have worked the first time if it wasn't for my boyfriends brother. 

     My boyfriend, Sal Singh, and I had been dating since I was fourteen and he was fifteen. I was sixteen when he was murdered. He was murdered in a series of unfortunate events that most say started with the death of my own sister. 

     My older sister Andie. In my opinion Andie is perfect, everything about her is just perfect. She didn't exactly light up the room when she walked in, in fact it was the opposite. Where ever she went, secrets and lies seemed to follow. But she was good at deception, making it seem like where ever she went, good things happened. Like everything was fine when it wasn't. She made you feel important one second then worthless another. I suppose this was just her manipulating the people around her. To me she seemed effortlessly perfect. I guess in a way she's always been like that. But anyone could take one glance at Andie and see how gorgeous she was. From her long blonde hair to her ocean blue eyes. I spent most of my life wishing I looked the way my sister looked.

     My mother was passed out on the couch after drinking her self to sleep the night I tried to kill myself. I do not know where my dad was. I don't blame my parents for this, their daughter had just died. My other sister Becca cried her self to sleep at a friends house that night, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts in this quiet house. For a family of five, my house is way to big for all of us. Now a family of four, it is especially too big. It was never home.

     Even though I knew my mother was asleep, I waited till two am before I drew myself a bath. I don't really remember what I was thinking about as I waited for the bath to fill. Probably how much I missed Andie. And Sal. How Sal was gone, and I could never tell him I loved him again, or kiss him again.

Even before my suicide attempt I used to cut myself. I hadn't since me and Sal started dating. I told him about it when he put his hand on my thigh and felt the scars. He helped me stop. He is the reason I stopped. Nonetheless I never threw out the blades. I probably should have, its like they were just waiting for me to pick them up again. When the bath was done I took one of my old blades, locked the door and sat in the bath. When I got in the bath I considered not doing it for a moment, a split second. All the images of my older sister Becca flashed through my head. How she would be left with two dead sisters. My mother who already lost one daughter and had enough pain for two lifetimes. And how I didn't even write a note. I wouldn't know what to write, or where to begin I guess. They would just guess it was because of Andie and Sal. Which it mostly was. I hugged my knees to my chest then sprawled out my body, letting the cold water consume me. I put my head under the water, I don't really know why I did this. I stayed there till my body forced me to go back up, gasping for air. Then I picked up the blade I had left on the edge of the tub, and dragged it horizontally over my wrists. All I remember is there was a lot of blood. Then darkness.