LOTF: Before and After

Phase 3: Chapter 69

Jack studied himself as he came across the screen. He too was so young, so innocent compared to what he was now. He remembered being that boy on the screen; a driven cadet who knew a lot about abuse but nothing of murder, who knew what it was like to be a victim of violence but not an instigator of it, who knew too much about hate and nothing of love. He considered how little he knew back then, and yet how smart he thought he was, how desperate he'd been to be the best of them all. Now, there were only twenty two out of forty of them left, and Jack wasn't sure that he'd ever been the best of any of them.

The video showed footage of the boys training, of their time in the classroom, of them playing outside in the grassy fields during breaks and recesses. Ralph cried at the few, short sights he'd get of Simon and Piggy, having forgotten until now what they looked like as living people. In his mind, he couldn't shake the sights of their bodies, dead before they even knew they were going to die.

The camera panned to a scene of a fourth grade classroom working on science projects. Ralph felt his heart shaking uncontrollably inside his chest when it zoomed in on Simon's face, and another boy beside him Ralph didn't recognize.

"I'm Simon Bennett, and this is Owen Wheeler" Simon's soft, angelic voice came through the speakers.

"What are you boys working on?" the unseen camera man asked them.

"Crushing rocks!" Owen declared from Simon's side, earning a laugh from the timid boy.

"We're breaking rocks with mallets and studying their properties" Simon chimed in, "we gotta separate them into categories based on what type of rock we think they are and describe what we see." Ralph then noticed one of the twins walk into the shot from the distance. The Brooks boy then stopped, turned to the camera and waved at it. Ralph couldn't help but laugh through the tears, at the innocence and bliss of the moment and of life before the island itself.

"The footage we used for the video was shot for a video we planned on putting up on our school website to advertise our academic and training programs to prospective families" Principal Stone said into the mic after the video concluded. "Never in a hundred years would I have guessed that I'd be using it for a video like this one" he added in a sad, heart-wrenching tone.

The rest of the ceremony consisted of handing the mic off to several different members of the school staff; teachers, military officers, and even some of the men in the United States Marine Corps and the Army who came to pay their respects. Ralph recognized one of the speakers as a marine officer who was on site the day they were rescued. The man talked about the experience; about being alerted to the smoke in the distance, to making the connection between them and the missing military school plane full of boys that went missing several months earlier. Ralph could hear the sounds of parents sniffling in the background, of whimpering, crying, mourning. As he became more and more overwhelmed, he began to understand why Jack didn't want to come in the first place. It was clear to Ralph now that the ceremony was bringing up a lot of emotions and pain for a lot of people. It was easier, he realized, to think about it without being here looking at their pictures, and videos of their lively faces, listening to people talk about what happened to them and reminding them of what life was like before the plane crash, before the island.

After the commemoration ceremony, a dinner was to follow, just like the first ceremony Ralph went to shortly after the rescue. The assembly hall would remain open, and school staff would set up photographs of each deceased cadet and the captain on easels across the stage. Candles would be lit, and people were invited to place notes, flowers, cards, and could stay to grieve as long as they needed to. The row and seat numbers they received would correspond with a table number in the dining hall for dinner. Ralph figured he and Jack would have to find a way to get seated with his parents somehow, but that thought only stuck with him for a mere second before his mind wandered back to Simon and Piggy, to the island, to the rescue, and everything that came before it all.

The assembly hall slowly started to clear out. Some stayed back to chat and connect with people, to watch the staff set up the large, black and white photographs of Ralph's dead squadron members. Others started filing out to go secure their seats in the dining hall. Ralph just sat in silence, staring down at his hands in hopes that they'd stop shaking any second now.

"You alright?" Jack placed a comforting hand on his shoulder to ask. Ralph glanced up at him, and met his eyes. Jack looked... normal. Too normal. Completely unbothered and unaffected.

"I'm fine" Ralph said faintly as he gathered himself. He stood up, and Jack did too, as Ralph began scanning the crowded room for his parents.

"We're not gonna find them in here" Jack read his mind, grabbing his arm as people began pushing past and around them. "Do you remember their row number? We can probably find them at the table."

"Thirty-four" Ralph answered as the two of them began to push their way through the crowd. Once they were out of the assembly hall, it was easier to breathe. The crowd thinned out as people began heading in different directions for different reasons.

"Half our row was empty" Jack spoke up. "Maybe your parents can come sit at our table."

"That wasn't even our row" Ralph reminded him.

"Yeah, it's nobody's row. So there will be enough seats for all of us at table 64" Jack pointed out.

Ralph followed Jack to the dining hall in search of Table 34 where his parents would be. They found them before that, standing in the doorway, clearly searching for the boys too.

"Mom!" Ralph cried out, running at the woman and throwing himself into her arms.

"Hey honey!" she cooed at him, holding his face in her hands. "How are you doing?"

"Okay" Ralph shrugged, freeing himself from her grasp. "We sat in the back. Jack thinks we can just all sit at table 64 because the row was mostly empty."

"I can double check with someone, but I'm sure that'll be fine" Jeffery agreed. "I'll be right back" he added as he walked off to go find a staff member.

"Have you seen the twins yet?" Laurie asked both Ralph and Jack.

"No" Ralph answered. "They're here?"

"Yeah, I just spoke with Kelly on our way over here" Laurie answered.

"We can find 'em after dinner" Jack suggested as he scanned the room for one alphabetized section of table 64. When he finally located it, he dragged Ralph and Laurie over to it. They stood around it, waiting for Jeffery to return with confirmation.

"All good" Jeffery said as he approached, gesturing for them all to sit down. "Mr. Bowen said that only A through E were taken so we can sit at Table 64 I through O" he added as he sat down beside Jack.

Ralph sat down at Jack's other side, and began playing with the fork in front of him.

"You sure you're alright?" Jack turned to Ralph to ask after Jeffery and Laurie had delved into a conversation about the menu.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Ralph asked flatly as he kept his gaze down, dragging his fork across the deep white table cloth.

"I dunno, you've been quiet, I guess" Jack tried to put his observation to words.

"I'm fine" Ralph said in the same, monotone voice as he continued to focus intently on the little indents his fork was making on the table cloth.

Truthfully, fine wasn't the best term to describe how Ralph was feeling. He felt... bothered, maybe. Or perhaps he was upset, confused, sad? He couldn't find the right label for it. All he was sure of was that he wasn't as fine as he had been before the plane crash, before Jack turned on him, before his friends died, before the rescue. And as he gently stabbed at the table with the prongs of his fork, Ralph Langley considered the possibility that he might never be fine again.