Tricks for a Heart [mlm]

Chapter 18

He is really cutting me off his life.

On the other hand, I sort of give Ikhwan the similar treatment. It bothers me that he has to be the one to walk the mile and apologize on behalf of Saiful, while this isn't his fault. What is the point of reaching out to me when the one to be blamed does not feel remorseful at all? So I just keep brushing off Ikhwan's messages and calls since last weekend and they eventually stop coming.

After several online meetings and report submissions, I lie my head down on the desk, expecting a nap. Without Luqman, I find myself doing a lot of work faster since I lose my main distraction of the day. I wonder why I've never worked as fast pre-Luqman.

Maybe he is my favorite distraction after all.

"You need to cut it."

I wake up drooling all over my arm, so I must've fallen asleep for a big chunk of time. I blink my tired eyes expecting to see my supervisor standing over me, but it's just Shafiq. Who looks even more frightening than my supervisor.

I wipe my mouth and massage my face. "What do you want?"

"Elena says she won't talk to me unless I talk you out of talking to her," Shafiq says. "So please do me a favor and cut it out."

"So this is just to talk to your girlfriend again," I mutter nonchalantly. "Where is Shafiq who's overly-concerned about me?"

"What're you talking about?" he replies. "I totally never care about you at all."

"I wish."

"As a matter of fact, you never like it when I'm being overly-concerned," he shoots as he air-quotes. "It's why you shut us out like this."

"Because I'm afraid that you'd go ballistic and explode at everyone and everything that's supposed to be none of your business."

"That was one time!" he almost shouts. That sends me to sit up straight on my seat. "And I was justifiably upset! You're my best friend!"

"Okay!" I whisper-shout while looking around to see if everyone has paid attention to our tiny outburst of drama. "But you know I hate it when I feel like I've caused all of you trouble! You seriously need to stop babying me!"

"And you need to realize that it's not the end of the world for everyone when you ask for a little bit of help! All we want is to make you better, Dam! Just so we don't keep losing you! All you do is bottle shit up to yourself and shut the world out!"

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!" I tell him, caressing his arm as if that can make him stop throwing a fit. "We're literally in the office!"

"You're not listening." Ever-so-theatric, he turns around and speeds away from my cubicle. But I stand up and stop him immediately like we're in the middle of some K-drama we binge-watch.

"Stop it!" I tug his arm. "For a straight man, you're being so dramatic."

"Adam."

"Fine, I'm such an asshole," I admit. "I'm sorry."

"If you are, go talk to Elena."

"Fine."

"For the record, it's not like I only care about talking to Elena-"

"You don't have to justify it to me-"

"It's because I know it'll be better when it's her," Shafiq says. "She knows how to soften it up just like you need it. I know I'm bad at it. I know I keep making shit about myself. So please ... just go and talk to her."

Because I'm such a softie and feel like a piece of turd for making Shafiq upset, I agree to see Elena and make her give me a free therapy session yet again. She takes me out to dinner after work, just the two of us. She makes Shafiq hang out with the rest of his friends even though I know he begged to be around us. I don't know if that makes things easier to make me speak about what happened.