Prologue
Gusto kong lamunin na ako ng lupa ngayon! If I hadn't been so fearless earlier for what I would do today, I never in a million years would have resorted to wishing something like this right now. I thought I can handle it.
I'm stunned by how I was unable to respond to Graham's response as he stands in front of me with his eyes penetrating both my body and soul. Kailan pa ba ako naging duwag? Hindi naman ako ganito ah. Syempre, si Graham na 'tong kausap ko ngayon? Ganyan ba, Audrey?
"Audrey?" tawag niya sa pangalan ko.
My head was blank as to how I should be crafting my words for him this time, and my tongue seemed to be entangled. Graham just responded that he is now courting someone else. At hindi ko kayang masabi na "Okay hehe" sa naging tugon niya. And as a matter of fact, the amount of confidence I had back then was nowhere to be found!
I'm completely lost in this vastness, mysterious ocean he had created between us. It was a split second when I couldn't remember how to swim and all I ever do is to find air to breathe.
"Uh...Audrey, I appreciate that you like—"
"No, hindi kita gusto." I immediately interrupt him with a subtly convincing statement before he can finish.
I don't want to hear him saying those again at me. "Ma'am Cagalangan wants us to meet her in the faculty room after class. That's what I'm supposed to say." Bawi ko sa sarili ko.
I bit my lower lip and stand there for God knows how many seconds to wait for his reply. At least, I have the decency na maghintay kung itatanong niya ba kung bakit kami ipapatawag rather of leaving him because if I did, he'd think my fake confession was true all along. Am I right? I hope I am!
He blinks his eyes twice, still processing the change of our conversation. Inayos niya ang kaniyang eyeglass at saka ang pagkakaupo niya. "Bakit daw?" His voice lacks any sign of surprise.
Of course, I also don't know the actual reason. I was about to ask Ma'am Cagalangan, our Math Teacher, kung bakit kami ipapatawag pero agad naman siyang umalis. And as soon as I saw Graham doing his stuff here in the library, I immediately grabbed the opportunity to relay the message.
"I will tell more of the information later, that's what she said." Sagot ko.
The Great Graham didn't even bother to ask follow-up questions, to which I most definitely lack the adequate answers. Hindi na rin ako nagpaalam na aalis na ako dahil inilipat na niya ang kaniyang atensyon sa librong binabasa niya. How come I like this nerd guy? Buwesit ang mukha ko pagkalabas ko sa library.
I covered my face with both of my hands. I want to scream at the top of my lung and wish that this day did not even happen. Such confessing to a guy – specifically a nerd one is not my thing but here I am – getting rejected!
What a stupid move, Audrey. Mygosh!
