Everything coming undone

Chapter 1

The echo of "Clarence!" bounced through the hallway, making heads turn. I felt a familiar flutter of warmth and a twinge of anticipation whenever I heard my name in his voice. For a second, the world seemed to hold its breath as I paused to identify the call. I recognized Alex immediately, persistent and unforgettable. Despite the chaos of school life, his voice always cut through the noise, leaving me slightly breathless, caught between pride and an awkward sense of longing. I remember urging him to go by a name that matched the glamor surrounding him, rather than sticking to Alejandro, which his family used. His upbringing was affluent, and his background was a well-blended mix of traditions and values from both Euro-American and Hispanic-American heritage. One morning, as we walked to school, I witnessed a glaring example of his open-minded nature. A new student from Japan had arrived in our class, struggling with the English language, and was sitting alone during lunch. While many avoided the awkward interaction, Alex, with his usual confident flair, approached him, introducing himself in the little Japanese he knew. My admiration grew then, mingling with the occasional envy I felt for his ease with others. Over time, they became friends, and Alex's actions spoke louder than words, often reminding me that who we were mattered far more than where we were from. Despite the varied worlds they came from, his parents instilled in him an open-minded view and an appreciation for different cultures, shaping him into the caring person he is today.I am a 17-year-old Native American boy, Clarence Turtle Star. Whenever I come home from school, I prepare my favorite traditional snack, fry bread, for my siblings: Donald Spotted Eagle Plume, Andromeda Turtle Star, Lisa Spotted Eagle Plume, and the one who's still on the way. The kitchen fills with the comforting smell that reminds us of our roots. While I mix the dough, Andromeda often peppers me with questions about our family's past. "Clarence, tell me again about our Warm Spring tribe," she'd ask, her eyes wide with curiosity.I would start telling her stories, feeling the warmth of our shared heritage, though I remind her that only half of us share that connection. My father, Reginald Spotted Eagle Plume, is Northern Arapaho and Lakota from the Wind River Reservation. I tell her about how he met my mother, Corrine Turtle Star, who is from the Yakima tribe in Washington state, at the University of Oregon. My mother said I never thought they would marry, but I recall my grandfather's words: 'Once a woman and a man live together for a period, they are solely bonded.'So, the guy that I like is slowly getting the hint, but little does he know that his girlfriend is cheating on him with a college boy. The only thing a guy needs is someone who will love him. But it won't be me because I think a guy like that wouldn't like me that way. When I daze off and go into Dreamland, I feel a warmth spreading through my chest, a tingling flutter like wings as if anticipation itself is filling the air. These moments allow me to envision a world where my feelings for Alex could be shared openly without fear. Yet, deep down, I'm caught in a whirlwind of fear and hope—the fear of being judged and the hope of acceptance. I'm afraid that most people wouldn't accept a couple like us, leaving me in a place where longing takes the front seat, buffered by my uncertainty about being worthy of such love. Alex is better off with a girl who will give him more attention than his current girlfriend ever will. It would be nice to see a boy like me going out with a boy like him. But right now, it's just a distant dream shadowed by my worry of stepping into the unknown.I am in class now, and Dreamland is the only place comforting me until my friends appear and pull me out of a place I'd rather be than socialize with people. Then, guess who pulls me out frequently, "Clarence!!" yelled Jenni"Aww, Clarence, are you in the Spirit world again' said Jenni"NO!! But I do believe that Alex is going to get dumped pretty soon," Clarence exclaimed "Tell me why you are still obsessed with that douchebag," Jacob said"Because I think that he is going to get hurt, and I will be there for him," Clarence told him."Damn, get over it, bro." Jenni made fun of ClarenceAs Clarence walked away from his friends, he felt in his mind that he could just envision himself holding that pretty boy in his arms. But he knows that speaking his mind would ruin everything he worked for. It was lunchtime now at Lebanon High School, and I sat by myself, absorbing the murmur of the cafeteria. The clatter of trays hitting the metal surfaces combined with the ever-present glare of fluorescent lights set the scene. I was waiting for Jacob and Jenni to get their lunch and sit down when Alex sat in front of me. I was startled at first."Bara boi, what's up?" "Don't call me that here. I need to talk to you about my girlfriend," Alex whispered."Well, what is it? Also, it seems a little weird for you to talk to me," Clarence whispered back."Why do you say that we are friends, right? I mean, we have a history as well...." As Alex was going to finish his sentence, Jenni sat down next to him with a scolding face,HI ALEX!! How are you this fine afternoon?" Jenni exclaimed with her signature enthusiasm, adding her usual playful sarcasm, "Feeling like you're on top of the world or just cruising, dude?""Oh, hello, Jenny," Alex replied, using a Forrest Gump accent to lighten the mood."Shut up, Trash mouth!" Jenni shot back with a laugh, clearly enjoying the banter."Anyway, Clarence, we need to talk later; well, I have to go later," Alex said.(Later lover boy) mouthed and whispered back to Clarence As Alex got up from the table, Clarence blushed after he left. He could hear Jenni say, 'he isn't the one for you,' but I didn't care if he wasn't. 'We have history,' and he wasn't the only guy paying attention to me."Dammit, Clarence, I told you how I feel about him being around you; look at you now, dazed and not even listening, CLARENCE !!! Are you listening?""Oh, what did you say?" Clarence dazed."Oh my goodness, did you hear a word I said?" Jenni scolded"No, and I don't care because I know how you feel already," Clarence said angrily. Jacob appeared and recognized who had left Clarence all dazed. As Clarence leaned against the lockers, he could feel the cool metal pressing against an old bruise, a whisper of past scuffles echoing in his mind. A shiver ran down his spine, and his body momentarily tensed as if replaying the locker-room scene where his teammates had encircled him, their laughter slicing through him like a knife. His heart raced, pounding against his chest as the mocking glances and jeers from that day flooded his memory. The humiliation and helplessness resurfaced, clenching his stomach with unease. Jacob, noticing the distant look on Clarence's face, scolded him for being a gullible dude who let a guy use his 'Good Looks and charm' to manipulate him into doing embarrassing stuff. Clarence could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, an uncomfortable blend of shame and longing coursing through him, stirring up emotions he had tried hard to suppress."Do you remember the football team?" Jacob asked, his voice dropping, not needing to elaborate; the memory of jeers and mocking glances filled the space between them."Do you remember the student and Staff event?" said Jenni, her words cutting as clear as a fragment of that past, where Alex's voice had led the mockery."I...I...know," Clarence replied, his voice shaky. "Look, he did all those things, but I can just forgive all those apologies he said and did," he added, as the hallway's light flickered, casting fleeting shadows that seemed to nod in agreement.As lunch passed, he knew he had one class with Alex, but it was the last period, which worried Clarence because it was chemistry, and they were working on a group project. As the day passed, it was time to see a boy he truly liked. Today's class, we are doing a class project, and I need groups of two."As the class didn't move or even budge,"Okay, don't get up all at once, okay Alex and Clarence, Jenni and Jacob, Kyle and Jessica.... Mr. Jackson continued Oh no, he is my partner, Clarence thought quietly to himself, biting the inside of his cheek. His fingers absentmindedly twirled a strand of his hair, betraying his inner turmoil and anxiety over the unexpected pairing.Well, well, well, Hello Clarence, so nice of you to be my partner," Alex said with a mischievous smirk. "I mean, if I had a choice," Clarence jokingly said So, about our conversation earlier, do you know anything about my girl? Alex said jokingly Not really, but I do realize that she comes to the coffee place way too often with her brother," Clarence clarified. "Her Brother? She doesn't have a brother," Alex started to say with an edgy tone. "Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it later?" As Clarence grabbed his arm gently"Yeah," said Alex "But can we work on the project, please?" Clarence said with concern"How are you the only person that will stay by my side?" he whispered to Clarence. "What was that?" said Clarence as he wasn't paying attention to the person who was solely pleading with him "Nothing, don't worry about it, we can talk at my house later," Alex said "Oh, you're in luck. I don't work today, so yeah, I'll go with you after school," Clarence said with a smirk.As Clarence left school, he noticed Alex's car parked nearby. The sun glared through the windshield, making the interior seem almost inviting. He spotted his younger sibling, Donald, already in the passenger seat, both of them laughing at something Clarence couldn't hear but could only imagine. Climbing into the back, Clarence felt the worn fabric of the seat give way beneath him, a familiar sponginess he associated with long rides in Alex's car. Donald was clearly in his element, recounting tales that made Alex grin mischievously. "Donald, what are you doing here?" Clarence asked, trying to mask his irritation with a gentle joshing in his voice."Does mom know you're with Alex?" Donald replied with a smug glance in the rear-view mirror.Clarence sighed, the kind of exasperated sigh tinged with affection that brothers reserve for one another. "I sent her a text already, so go with Mom," he instructed as he opened the car door, feeling the slightly sticky handle in his grip.Does mom know you're with Alex?" Donald said with a smirk,I sent her a text already, so go with Mom." As Clarence opened the door "Okay, well, imma go now. Have fun, you two, but not too much fun," as Donald walked away with laughter in the airHe's a brat; I'm sorry, I don't know what he told you. Clarence asked in fear.Nothing, just your nicknames at home." Alex laughedWhat did he say?" Clarence asked Oh, don't worry about it, Goo-googly Bear," Alex teased.OH NO, WHY!!!" Clarence screamed As Alex started his car, he felt his phone go off. The caption said it was his girlfriend. When he saw her name on the screen, a wave of mixed emotions washed over Clarence. Jealousy simmered beneath the surface, mingled with a hesitant relief, but there was also a stab of dread. Clarence's mind began to race with thoughts: 'What if this is the moment he realizes she's not right for him? Would he come to me then? Maybe he deserves someone who truly understands him.' But fear crept in, whispering doubts: 'What if he chooses to stay with her despite everything? What if I'm just imagining this connection?' As Alex turned off his phone without saying a word, Clarence felt the tension between them tighten. The silence spoke volumes, and Clarence couldn't help but hope, even if just for a moment, that this silence was a small step towards something closer to the truth resting in his heart. Who was it? Clarence askedNo one is important, so what is your dirt on my girlfriend? Alex proclaimedAlex does love her —actually likes her —because I can just tell you now that she... as Alex cut him off.I love her, but if she is cheating on me, I could let her go. Then I'll be a lonely bachelor, and no one will ever love me.Shut UP, you dork, as Clarence pushed his shoulder.Hey, I'm driving. Do you want us to crash? I hope not because, as Alex said, we have a project to finish. And I do not wish Mr. Jackson to give us this project again. Do you?What art did thou say? Do you not like me as a partner? Clarence questioned, "Absolutely, I remember, 'Goo-googly bear,'" Alex replied with a sly smirk.I hate Donald telling you that now; imagine if you had said that when we were in school, I would have been embarrassed... Clarence said confidently, and Alex smirked, looking at him while driving.NO, NO, NO, oh no, please don't; that'll be my thirteenth reason. Please don't; what do you want me to do? Clarence pleadedOH, nothing, just call me Daddy, Alex said with a smirk as he pulled up to his house.No, I'm saying it's too embarrassing as Clarence is looking for a door handle.Suddenly, the door locked, and Alex leaned in and whispered Say it, and I'll let you go a few inches from Clarence's lips.Clarence was about to let out a single sound until Alex unlocked the door; I was only joking. You don't have to call me.......Before he could finish, Clarence said Daddy in a seductive moan.Alex, red-faced, said, 'You didn't have to say that.'Wow, thank you for saying that. Later, I bet I looked like a fool. Clarence sadly said Well, we're here. Should we get out...... Clarence opened his door, slammed it, and walked inside.Alex let out a deep sigh, feeling very angry with himself; once he entered his room, he found Clarence lying on his bed with a pillow over his face. Alex sat beside him, put his hand on the pillow, and tried to pull at the pillow, but Clarence had a firm grip. So Alex jumped on Clarence and tried to yank the pillow out of his hands. As Clarence let go, he flung off the bed and saidAlright, you're asking for it. As he grabbed Clarence towards him, Clarence fell on top of him, only a few inches away from each other's lips. A warm feeling emanating from Clarence stirred up past feelings and memories they had shared as children. This moment was intense; every breath and the warmth that mingled between them felt like a lifetime. Clarence, caught in this rare closeness, felt his heart race. He couldn't help but think about how badly he had hoped for a moment like this, yet feared its arrival. His mind flickered with images of them as kids—carefree and innocent—and the stark reality of their current closeness brought a blend of anxiety and yearning. What if Alex felt the same? What if he didn't? The fear of rejection loomed heavily, but so did a fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something genuine. That hope frightened him because it also made his feelings painfully honest.Do you want to ....... Alex tried to say Only if you're going to... Clarence slowly said.Then, there was a knock at the house door.