A change of Life

Chapter 1

I grab his hand tighter, "Please don't let go! Please! He struggles a little, but puts his other hand around mine, "It'll be easier. You won't be able to pull me up." I put my other hand over his, "We can do it together! You push I'll pull!" He fights with me, "It still won't work.." I grip his hands harder, resisting his persistence in trying to make me let go. "We'll be able to do it! I'm not letting go!"

He smiles and I realize that it isn't me who's going to let go. It will be him. He had this planned. He wanted to spend his last few minutes with me, and it came way sooner than he thought.

He lets go and falls into the heavy mist. I scream, but screaming isn't going to do anything.

I fall back on the grass but still reach into the empty air.

Do you really think reaching for nothing is going to help? Do you really think screaming and crying are going to help?

I put my hands around my head, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Talking to yourself now?

I start shaking my head violently, wishing these thoughts would stop.

You're going to relapse. This is the second time someone has died and you were there. This is the second time you tried to help them, but it was too late.

I rock back and forth, hating myself. I realize that rocking back and forth pushes me closer to the edge.

You're really thinking of going after him? That's not going to change anything. Yes, this time they'll find two bodies at the bottom. Yes, this time you won't be sent to a mental hospital. Yes, this time you won't wake up every day in fear.

I suddenly stop rocking and crying. Yes, I am going after him. I'll finally be free.

What if this happens over and over in every life you have after this?

I step closer.

You're not afraid? Do you know that it is possible?

I smile and step closer. My toes are peeking over the edge.

At least you don't have to deal with this life anymore. No more crying. No more pain. No more rejection. No more sitting in the corner of your dark room, high on alcohol and drugs, crying your life out.

I sigh happily and step off. It's quite exhilarating. The air going right by you.

That air could be going right by you on a rollercoaster.

I frown.

You could've walked away and tried to live a nicer life.

I open my eyes. I could've.

It's too late now.

I realize something.

Why does it sound like it's not in my brain anymore?

Ah, now you realize.

I gasp, then start choking.

WHY HAVE I STOPPED FALLING?