𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐝 ➳ 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬

𝟏𝟑. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭

"It's been over two years since we saw each other, I'm sure lots of things happened, right? Like, not work related. I know you said everything's fine, but how have things been in the past couple of years?" Chris asks me, looking right into my eyes. I stay silent for a second, knowing that if I talk to him about how lonely things have actually been, I'd tear up. "What do you mean?" I ask in reply, slightly frowning before taking a sip of wine. "I mean, how did everything go in the past two years? It's been a while since we talk about how our lives are" he explains, so I slowly nod my head. "The past few years were... Um, they were... Different" I reply, and he slightly frowns. "They were? Did something bad happen?" he asks, making me smile.

"Oh, no, nothing bad happened" I reply, shaking my head and taking another sip of wine. "Ah, well, I'm glad. But uh, what do you mean by 'different', then?" he asks me again, slightly raising his eyebrows. "You know, life was different after Marvel" I add, making him smile. "Right, I get that. Missing Nat?" he asks, but I shake my head. "Not necessarily, actually. I mean, it was weird to not 'be' Nat anymore, but it was kinda relaxing. I was moving on from Marvel, you know, doing more different projects instead" I explain, which makes Chris smile. It's nice to talk to him again, I feel like I can always talk to him, about anything.

"I completely understand, and I feel the same way, it's good to do different things" he adds, but I can see that he's looking at me like he wants to ask me what's going on. Or, what was going on. "It was the part of losing my best friend that was difficult, for me. You know, all of a sudden, I lost my person. My best friend in the whole wide world, he was gone. Out of my life, and... Yeah, that was hard. That was a struggle, it was a struggle for a while. A pretty long while... I lost myself for a bit there, I didn't know what to do anymore. But, I got back on my feet and did great projects with great people!" I tell, while my eyes are filled up with tears. Wow, it's a relief to get that off my chest.

"Am, I... I'm sorry for what happened that day... Not a single day goes by in which I don't regret what happened, and what I did to you. Sweetheart, every day for the past two years, I've missed you so fucking much, every single day. You were, and still are, my person... My girl, my best friend. I missed you so much, it's been so hard not having you in my life, I'm... I was lost too, and to be quite honest with you, I still am. And it's amazing that you've moved on and that your career is going so fucking well, I'm happy for you, I really am... But I need my girl back... I miss her" Chris explains, adding the last sentence with a shivering voice which breaks my heart.

"Yeah..." I whisper, fighting the urge to put my hand on his cheek. The tears are starting to come in a faster pace now, getting my eyes dangerously full. I can't blink right now, a tear would definitely leave my eyes. "I missed you, you look gorgeous" he adds, which actually really almost makes me cry. I have to go for a minute, I'm seriously about to cry and I don't want to cry in front of everyone. "Excuse me" I silently say, almost whispering before quickly standing up and walking away, earning a worried look from Ryan. I look back at him, shake my head and smile to let him know I'm okay, and make my way to the bathroom. I just need to take a deep breath, get the tears away and freshen up. I'm okay, I really am, I just need a moment to breathe.

I make my way back to the table with a smile, a genuine one, and get to my chair again. "Are you okay? I'm sorry if I said something wrong, Am... A-are you okay? Are we- are we okay?" Chris quickly asks, as soon as I sit down again. "Oh, yeah! It's just that I never talked about this out loud before, so it hit me like a truck for a second. We're all good" I happily reply, emptying the whole glass of wine in my mouth at once, but feeling better now. Ryan raises his eyebrows at me, to ask me if I'm okay. I nod my head with a smile, so he gets it and starts talking to the others again. We spend the rest of the night here too, all talking to each other and having drinks. Julia brought a Polaroid camera, so we all take some pictures and get to take them with us.