Different

poetry

"He was warning Draco and the others," Claire guessed. Regulus nodded, his jaw tense.

"When I was seventeen and fresh out of Hogwarts, I was eager to fully join the Death Eaters. But I couldn't stand most of them, and their reasons just didn't make sense. So I started researching and I decided that I wanted to make a change. I never fully agreed with the Death Eaters, and years of massacres with no cause or success were weighing me down."

Regulus was trying to hide the shake in his voice, but Claire knew the signs. She saw his leg twitching, the way he couldn't make eye contact, and how he kept picking at his nails.

"I had a girlfriend, Catherine Avery. I started telling her my ideas, and suggesting that we run away. But she made the mistake of writing everything down about her plans to escape. The night that she died was the night I went to that cave. The night that I drowned."

"You don't have to tell me this," Claire assured him. He looked at her for the first time, giving her a small grin that turned into a grimace and then shaking his head.

"I knew that she was dead and I would be too if I didn't run. I knew about the Horcrux and I knew where he had hidden it thanks to Kreacher. I was planning on giving the information to Sirius and then running far away with Catherine, but the Dark Lord took that away from me. The worst part is that I died for nothing and people will never know the truth."

"Reggie," Claire started but he just cleared his throat and shrugged.

"When I came back to life I tried to forget Catherine. But I didn't know how I could live in a world where everyone thought I was evil and she was gone. But then I got the family that I always dreamed of, and the pain is bearable now," Regulus concluded. His eyes were dark and clouded with tears, but he refused to cry. "You'll never forget Daphne, but one day you'll wake up and the pain won't bear down on your chest quite as hard. And the next day it'll be even better. But for that to happen, you have to know that it was not your fault. It was that dickheads fault, and he'll pay for it one day. But until then, you have to be strong."

"I'm trying. But these thoughts are filling my head everyday and they won't leave," Claire admitted.

"I first tried when I was thirteen," Regulus admitted. Claire looked at him with wide eyes but he looked almost peaceful. "I tried again when I was sixteen. But every time that I got close to Death, I just got scared. When I died, I was terrified like I've never been before. I know that you've fought those thoughts before, and you will have to keep fighting them. But as someone who died, it's easier being alive. Much easier."

Regulus never talked about being dead. He would ignore someone if they asked him anything, so Claire was surprised that he gave her that little bit of advice.

A quiet knock shocked them, making them jump and turn to see Remus standing there. He gave them a kind smile, which was the first time he had done that to Regulus. The two men shared a knowing nod before Regulus stood up, ruffling Claire's hair before he left. Remus took his place, pulling Claire closer to him until she was resting on his chest. Remus shooed away the cat and let her play in the field.

"Hermione decided to stay with the Weasleys until Hogwarts started," Remus said quietly.

"She told me this morning," Claire informed him.

"How are you?"

"I miss Sirius," Claire admitted. Remus sighed and she could feel him shudder a little. She knew the feeling well because she had felt it all summer. There was an uneasiness and she would sometimes feel a strong burst of emotion or pain that didn't belong to her. She knew that Remus felt the same way. "They're not winning, are they?"