I want to be angry. I feel like I have the right to be angry. This is unfair! I am a decent person, I never broke the law, I volunteered anywhere I could even on the days when I didn't want to get out of bed, I never carried hate in my heart for anyone. I did nearly everything right, so why was this happening to me?
I want to question God because my mom told me that everything was his plan. Well what kind of fucked up plan involved me dying especially when I just started to learn how to live? What kind of plan involved him taking away all of my family besides Caleb and then taking me away from all of my found family? What plan involved putting Janet in my life right when I am about to die?
I want to do both of those things. I want to feel all of that. But instead I just feel...bare. I feel like I have carried this weight of impending doom over my shoulder and usually I could put on a coat and hide it. But right now it is weighing me down and I am drowning.
Death.
A simple word seemingly. Until it happens to you. And then it has too many meanings.
Death.
Something that gets us all eventually...
"Toni?" Someone calls out before a hand reaches to grab my shoulder and I want to scream but it is too late. Death has arrived. I can't run from her any longer.
"Toni!" Those hands shake my shoulder clearing my head and I look to see my sister kneeling down in front of me with concern painted on her face. "Alice?" I ask confused as to why she is here before looking around and I see that the dark night sky is out. "Wha-why are you here?" I ask.
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She frowns before sitting beside me on the park bench. "Your girlfriend called Jill panicked when she went to pick you up from your appointment and you wasn't there so Jill went with her to look for you" she says as I pull out my phone to see I have dozens of messages and phone calls from Janet, Jill, and Tyler.
"Shit I didn't hear my phone" I say feeling guilty. "I figured" she says reaching into her jacket pocket and pulling out a pack of Sugar Babies, my favorite childhood candy. She opens the pack and hands them to me, "thank you" I whisper out. "How did you find me?" I ask after a few minutes of me just eating the overly salty sweet candy.
"Because I always find you here" she says and I look around me again and finally notice where I am. "You used to come to this same exact park bench when Tina and David would be at the house arguing and I would find you every time with a pack of Sugar Babies" she says and I chuckle. "Mr. Lee would always give me a free pack when I came in" I say filling her in on the secret of how I got the sugary candy with no money.
"I was wondering how you mysteriously had a pack every single time" she says with a laugh. A genuine laugh that shows all of her teeth and bounces through the night air. I smile watching her before a tear slips down my eye and she sees it. "Why are you here?" She asks turning to me.
