LOTF: Before and After

Phase 3: Chapter 21

Ralph responded with nothing but a simple stare, his head turned so his cheek was practically resting against the carpet; his eyes fixated on Jack's shadow in the midnight darkness.

"I don't want talk about this anymore" Jack admitted after a heavy sigh.

"I'll drop it then, but only if you answer my last question. And honestly, or there's no point" Ralph pressed on determinedly.

"Fine."

"Did you really hate me?" Ralph's voice seemed softer and higher somehow as he said it.

"Hate you?" Jack repeated as if it were a dumb question to begin with.

"You were gonna kill me, Jack. Why? You hated me that much that you decided the island wasn't big enough for the both of us?" Ralph pressed as he felt his body begin to shake with the pain of the memory, and of the betrayal and heartache he hadn't realized he experienced on the island when Jack turned on him.

"I never hated you" Jack admitted, trying to keep his voice level as to keep Ralph from seeing how hard it was for him to hear pain in the brunette's voice.

"Then why?" Ralph was nearly in tears now and Jack could hear it clear as day.

"It was what I was expected to do. With Piggy and Simon both gone, and you the only one left on the other end. Roger told me that the others would start to question my authority if I didn't show them what would happen to those who did doubt me, like you did. And Roger was right. I didn't have a choice" Jack confessed shamefully as he too began to struggle to control the emotion in his voice.

"That's it? You were willing to do to me what you all did to Simon simply to ensure a bunch of elementary school boys would see you as a tyrannical militant? We were friends for two years, Jack. A few unsupervised months and you were willing to end my life to prove yourself to a bunch of kids you didn't know the last names of and certainly didn't care about? Your reputation was worth more to you than my life? How am I supposed to get past that?" Ralph cried, his voice poisoned with anger.

"That isn't true" Jack insisted. He too was feeling overwhelmed, but he did a much better job of hiding it in the dark than Ralph did.

"Bullshit" Ralph cried, "it's exactly true."

"You were one of the most important people in my life, Ralph, even before the island. Even after we became divided out there" Jack shot up so he was sitting now, anger and sadness seeping through his voice as he turned his body to look down at Ralph. "But you're missing the key word here; my life. I lost that life the second that plane started going down. I thought we all had, and that we were never going back. The island was our life now, and me and you, we didn't work out there. I didn't think we'd have our old lives to come back to. Not to mention I didn't have anyone important to go home to every summer, I lost all my friends from before I transferred to the academy, none of 'em were even allowed to go near me after finding out why I was forced to go. The academy was all I had, and you and Roger were my two best friends. Roger understood who I was out there and why, but you didn't. And you didn't talk to me, all you did was beg me to follow your stupid little rules and your obsession with a rescue I never thought was coming. How could I have protected us when you couldn't stop thinking about your rescue plan for twelve fucking seconds to realize that I needed you? I didn't want to kill you, Ralph, it really fucked with me, but I didn't see another way. The life you were so important to me in was over. At least I thought it was. I was angry at you. Going after you made more sense than it should've. I would never have done it if I saw the world the way you do. Everything you've ever been taught made you believe that rescue was possible. Everything in my life told me that it wasn't. I never had safety, stability, security; all that shit that you had. Nobody ever fucking came to rescue me when my mom left. Nobody ever fucking came to rescue me when my dad started beating my ass or sent me to military school so he wouldn't have to look at my stupid face or put up with my stupid shit anymore. Nobody ever came to rescue me. Period. But you? You had it made. Your parents taught you that there were people out there who would stop at nothing to rescue you. So forgive me if I tried to forget about everything and everyone I cared about before the island. As far as I was concerned, you were already dead the second we got to the island. And so was I. So I'm sorry, Ralph, I really am. But I didn't expect to ever have to say it to you, no matter how much it hurt me to hurt you."

Ralph was stunned to silence. He could hear the tears in Jack's voice as he spoke. Ralph could practically feel him shaking in anger, pain, and frustration. Ralph felt hot tears strolling down his own cheeks as he realized how different he and Jack were, and how differently their outlooks on life were both now and on the island. Nobody had ever given Jack a reason to believe that things would work out okay. It broke Ralph's heart as he recalled how much he relied on the thought of going home to his loving parents and community to get him through their time on the island. He wondered how Jack survived without that.

Ralph sat up a little and crawled over to where Jack sat a foot away. He threw his arms around the boy's slim figure, pressing his face firmly into the crook of Jack's tear-stained neck. Jack didn't resist; he let his head fall against Ralph's as his body shook, as he cried softly.

"Hey" Ralph whispered gently after a few moments, pulling himself up a bit so he could meet Jack's eyes. He wiped the tears from Jack's face before he finished. "I will always come rescue you."