Lonely Rose

part 1

I used to be popular and had lots of friends, now I just sit alone in the corner talking to myself because I'm the only one who will listen.
Back then everyone knew who I was for many different reasons but now it is just me. Alone in the corner of an apartment I share with my best friends, left again by myself while they go out to have fun. Without me.
My name is Rose Ann Holbrook and I am forgotten again.
It's said they care, that they will always be there for me, but lately it has only been me. Not them. Just me. Rose.
I try to talk and it's like they don't listen or care. We used to be so close and always had each other's back, although lately it is as if we are strangers again. Seeing the other but never saying a word.
I don't exactly know what happened only that it did. I wish I could say differently, to be optimistic and hopeful, to say "it's okay, I'm fine" and it be seen as the lie it is. People always ask how they are doing and if they are still together without even considering my feelings or questioning how I feel. That's what happens when you want to be left alone for a day or two, slowly it turns into a week then a month, then before you even realize it a year has gone by and your still alone.
It wasn't always this way once upon a time I had a family that loved and supported me.

Until my dad killed a woman and her unborn child because he was driving drunk and my brother became a big shot race car driver and left us to travel the world with his racing team. After that mom began to fall apart which left my older sister Elana taking care of me.
Eventually though she left too. After meeting a man who made her a successful model she got her own place and began traveling the world, never once looking back. That left mom and I. The two of us alone and relying on each other for support, she would drive me to school and I would join her in drug abuse counseling. I cooked and mom cleaned then at night we would watch movies. Life wasn't perfect but I was content.
Then one afternoon when I arrived home from school, I was treated by police officers and a lady whom was with child protective services and I knew. Something always told me that day would come, the day when life would become too much and I would no longer be enough. My mom was dead. She had lost the battle with drugs and had died on the bathroom floor. They wouldn't let me see her body but I knew she was finally at peace. No more worries of driving her daughter to school or that her other children had forgotten about her. It was as if she had wiped the slate clean with her death, and left me without a mother and herself without a daughter.
My family came together again after moms death. Dad was released from prison on parole, my brother Leroy left his racing to help dad readjust to civilization, and Elana, although famous and advised against it, moved back home and took me under her wing while dad looked for a job. Everything was good. I was even a little happy until we got the call.
My older brother Leroy had been out with some friends and got hit Headon by a semi truck. He was dead on impact. At the funeral we tried to keep it together but the pain of loosing mom and now Leroy was too much to bare. A few weeks later dad broke parole and was back in prison and a few weeks after that my sister got a modeling job in Paris. She was gone by the end of the month.
I was once again alone.
The only light in all of this was my best friends Anthony and Tia who stayed with me several nights a week until a home was found for me over two hours away. We managed to keep in touch though, calling each other on weekends and texting in between. I was even on the honor roll at school and in line for a college scholarship for early admittance. Life seemed to be dealing me a decent hand for once and I enjoying it.
I had lots of friends and was on the cheerleading squad with ane of my new foster siblings and a boyfriend on the football team. Then before I knew it I turned eighteen and had to get a job so I could afford a place to live. It was my senior year of high school that I had to drop out and became a loner who never asked for help.
Eventually my old friends, and boyfriend, forgot about me, even the people I worked with didn't seem notice I existed. I became the person no one knew or remembered, living life on auto pilot, going from one job to the next then home to eat and sleep before starting all over again. I don't remember how long it lasted just that it left me isolated and alone. When Anthony came to check on me one summer afternoon he nearly had a heart attack when he thought I wasn't breathing when I reality I was just in a deep sleep. I hadn't talked with him and Tia in almost a year before then I just hadn't had time for them or anyone in my hectic life. I had gotten used to being alone and honestly preferred it over socializing with people. I still had my journals which for me was plenty.
After the scare, Anthony and Tia alternated checking in on me and forced me into counseling and shortly after to quit one of my jobs. After about six months of non stop visits we decided to get smart and rent an apartment together, not only would that help them to keep an eye on me but it would also minimize the cost of living for all of us. So after a long debate we rented a two bedroom apartment and became incapable.
We went to movies and watched horse racing, played board games and laughed at jokes that weren't the least but funny. Even after Anthony and Tia got together we would sit in the living room and talk till all hours, eat junk in front of the TV while we watched something sappy and made fun of the main character because they couldn't see they were clearly into each other. It was fun and I was happy and no longer alone.
Then one day everything changed.
It started out with small things like them being asleep when I got home or watching our favorite movie without me. That began evolving to them going to the pool or having dinner without me. They say it's nothing, that they still care but they want to spend time alone. I didn't object because honestly I needed some time alone too.
But after a while I guess I got lonely. I tried talking to them about how I felt but it only made them angry so I stayed quiet. Now it's as if once again I don't exist. My name means nothing to anyone. People don't ask about me or even look my direction anymore. I am invisible and alone. The young and broken lonely Rose.