The aftermath - Part 3 Of "Time is passing by, but forgetting you I could never"

How hard it is trying to forget the one you love

At that moment, something inside him broke and he knew that he would never live the life he wanted for himself, had never really done it.

He had always put his parents' will first and never really chased his dreams, even though he had almost dared to do so with Magnus.

That was over and in September he would start at Harvard, studying business there and afterwards go to Harvard's law school to study law, at least that was the plan. Then eventually take over his parents' law firm, he just hoped they wouldn't push him to marry a woman.

Just the thought of it made bile rise in his throat.

Until now, he had only confided in his sister, but here he sat with Raphael, weighing up whether he could tell his friend about his fears and his secret desires.

And then he just did it, after all Raphael already knew he had feelings for Magnus, what would it matter to tell him all the rest.

Only when he had finished did he dare to look Raphael in the eye and as much as he had dreaded the moment, for he was sure he would see pity in Raphael's eyes, he was amazed, for Raphael did not seem to pity him, no, his eyes were full of concern and compassion and Alec felt relieved.

Maybe he would eventually manage to defy his parents' wishes and stand up for himself, go the way he wanted for himself, but he wasn't there yet. Not after all that had happened. Now he first had to come to terms with the fact that he had lost his best friend and he was glad that he had people around him who felt for him and wanted to help him.

∞

Alec was back in his room, everything was already prepared for his move to Boston, his parents had taken care of that long ago, so there was nothing left for him to do but sort through his things, what he would take with him and what he would leave behind.

He picked up his notebook and sat on his bed, there was still time to pack, he wouldn't be leaving for Boston until early August. So he still had more than enough time, time he had hoped to spend with Magnus, but that was history.

Only his heart didn't seem to understand, seemed too attached to the love he could no longer have, a love he would probably mourn for the rest of his life.

His thoughts drifted back to the moment Magnus turned his back and walked away, but how could he have blamed him for that after what he had thrown at Magnus. Probably anyone would have left at that moment, but a small part deep inside him had hoped that Magnus would get back to him, trying to explain what exactly had happened on stage. But Magnus had not contacted him again, it was as if he had fallen off the face of the earth, because not only had he not contacted Alec, he had not been in touch with any of his friends. The only sign of life had been that damned post and nothing more since.

Alec's hand took the pen that always lay on his bedside table and he began to write without really thinking about what exactly he was writing, letting his thoughts and feelings run free without knowing where they would take him.

This morning I woke up

Woke from a dream,

We were floating through the sky

Counting the stars

And wished

We could leave all our fears

Behind us

Life was carefree

With you by my side