Athy

Chapter 14

*TW-mention of death and stillbirth*

My fingers tremble, hovering over the contact. I can't... I can't do i-it

I cried for nearly an hour on the bus because I kept beating myself up over it.

I couldn't stop thinking about it when I woke up and went through the day like normal. How could I forget it? I had been so busy with midterms that I lost track of time. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't deserve to be Mom's daughter.

The door swings open. "Athanasia." Lily bends down to wrap her thin arms around my shoulders. I shake under her grasp and release a horrid array of sobs. "Oh sweetheart..." She had called me, lord knows how many times, and eventually made her way here. I'm sure Lucas told her everything. He's also called me but I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Not this.

"....!!!" I furiously wipe my eyes, wiping the droplets pouring out of them. I don't even have the right to cry. Stop crying! Stop it! You don't deserve to cry for forgetting. Never forget. Never.

The trembling doesn't stop. I can feel it all over again. It's just as horrible as the first time. I can't breathe. The pounding of my chest strikes my body over and over again like an electric current. My head spins from a migraine. It throbs. It hurts but I can't stop crying.

Damn it all. If only the world could go to hell.

.

.

.

One year ago

Tears popped out of my eyes like liquid out of a syringe when I entered the room. Mom had beads of sweat running down her face and she was paler than a potato but she still looked beautiful. Daddy was holding her hand and caressing it, planting kisses on it ever so gently. I remember there were many machines surrounding her. It concerned me for many reasons but I didn't think much of it until way later.

I had left school early as soon as I heard the news. Felix dropped me off and walked with me all the way towards her room.

"Darling!" Mom extended her arms and I ran into them. My nose sunk into her gown and inhaled her scent. She smelled of lemons and flowers-a smell I once loved. Now I can't stand it to the point that it makes puke.

Her bright strands clung to her sweaty neck and somehow her hair also smelled quite lovely. I said some words to her and she replied cheerfully. She reassured me that everything was going so well and that soon enough I was going to have a baby brother. I wasn't so sure about having a sibling but she was so happy to add another member to our happy family that I wouldn't dare say a word against it. I'm sure she would have had more if she could.

Dad had the most loving eyes as Mom spoke to me. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the entire world and there were times when he looked at me like that and it made me feel so happy to be their daughter.

She wiped the tears that dropped from my eyes and kissed my forehead. Then she brushed my hair out of my face to look at me. I loved looking into Mom's eyes and seeing her smile. I loved the way her laugh brightened up the room. I loved the way she embraced us like it was our last. And sadly it was.

Shortly after that, I was ushered out of the room and told nothing for hours. My hands shook the entire time because I hadn't been sleeping well and I was running on caffeine and stress. Then my Dad came out with an expression I'd never seen before. I smiled at him nervously, anticipating the news. "How was it?"

He took a long look at me and it was like he was looking right through me. His expression was blank and cold at the same time, "...He didn't make it..."