𝗜𝗗𝗙𝗖, matt sturniolo. ( ✓ )

𝟎𝟓𝟐. ( you deserve to cry )

she just feels like death. literal death.

some old movie is playing on her tv, like a really old one, like the quality is so bad that's it's surprising that it's not in black and white.

it's some movie her mother told her about years ago, one her dad was obsessed with before he passed. aurora thinks the movie is as boring as ever but she still lays down and watches it anyway. she watches it to try and form some sort of connection with him even though he's fucking dead and it just doesn't work. how is she supposed to feel connected to someone she can't even remember? couldn't she get one memory to keep so she could at least have her own opinion on the guy?

it's crazy. her own dad feels like a fucking stranger simply because he passed before she could remember him. all she's ever heard from family is that she's just like him or that he loved her so much and sometimes she just wants to scream 'what the fuck does that even mean?' she just wishes she was able to know things about him that she didn't find out from someone else.

she never knows how to feel on this day. she doesn't know how to grieve. how do you grieve someone you don't remember?

it helps when she gets to visit his grave with elijah and her mom. it helps her internally knowing that yes, this is a real person. yes, he existed. yes, you existed at the same time as him. yes, he was still there even though your brain made you forget.

she likes to sit there and whisper to him when elijah and her mother give her privacy. she whispers as if she's ashamed for anyone else to hear. she whispers and she apologizes. she apologizes for not remembering him. all she ever hears from her family is that he was this incredible guy who loved her with everything he had so fuck, it sucks to not have a single recollection of any of it. it makes her feel guilty.

she hates today and she hates the guilt but it's there. it's an all consuming guilt that makes it hard to think about anything else.

that's why she likes to distract herself. she likes to not be alone, to be with her friends, to be with her family, to be with him himself at his grave. but fucking hell, she would never come out and tell anyone that because it just makes her depending on other people and where has that ever gotten her? just look at her and her fucking mom.

she has a lot of internal problems, she realizes. she doesn't have time to think on it though because in the middle of her zoning out, there's a soft knock on her bedroom door.

her eyebrows furrow momentarily, raising her head and turning to look to the door. she almost wonders why they didn't just walk in before she realizes she locked the door. she locked the door in case she started crying. no fucking way would there be a chance of her step dad coming home and walking in on her crying. she would never be caught dead crying in front of her step father.

she sighs quietly and throws the multiple blankets covering her elsewhere. she stands up and mumbles out a, "coming," just loud enough for most-likely elijah to hear. when she reaches the door, she rubs at her face slightly and takes in a breath before unlocking it.

when she opens the door, she's dumbfounded. the features of her face instantly go slack and her lips part as she's surprised, probably looking like a fool. matt is standing in front of her and once she takes a second to realize that, her eyebrows finally furrow.

"hi," he speaks quietly after she stares at him like he's a foreign creature. she glances over him and he's wearing a black ransom hoodie, pajama pants, airforces, and his hair is messily plastered over his forehead like he's been running his hands through it. her eyebrows just scrunch together even more.