Running Through The Night (Neon Genesis Evangelion Oneshot - Kaworu & Shinji)

Running Through The Night

"Shinji, you have to listen to me..."

"no!" he burst into tears when he grabbed me by hand and pushed me towards the door of his bedroom.

One after another, the strings in my heart went cut, crying out in pain, as his fingers gripped my shirt.

"You... you!.." He was shaking, hitting my chest with his fists. "You make me angry! You're pissing me off!"

Tears were falling down his face, which was swollen from them. I was crying along with him, my vision blurry, I could only see his brown hair and watery eyes.

It can not, can not, go on like this anymore!

"please, just listen to me!" I cupped his face in my palms and wiped away the tears from his cheeks with my thumbs. I was holding his trembling, thin face in my fingers, and I thought that at any moment he would come crashing down on me like porcelain.

Sniffing, he immediately shook his head and grabbed my wrists.

"You don't know anything!" he yelled and hit my chest again. Pushed me away yet once more... "you don't understand, do you? If you knew what was going on, you wouldn't be acting like this!"

The sound of my heart cracking echoed through each wall of my mind palace. The internal cramping felt like needles on my ribs.

"Why do you think I don't know?!" I exclaimed with all the strength I had left. "Do you think I haven't been in your place?! Do you think I've never wanted to finish everything with one swipe of hand?! Do you think I don't want exactly the same thing as you do, at this stage of my life that I'm stuck in?!"

"If so, then why are you still alive?! Why haven't you finished everything yet?!"

"Because I love you!" I burst out and gripped his shoulders to jerk him a bit, maybe that way he would be brought back to his senses. "I love you, okay?! I have no idea how it is possible to leave a world that has you in it. Do you understand now?!"

I stared at his eyes, his swollen lips, wet eyelashes and non-stop twitching fingers, like butterfly wings.

"Then... if..." he blurted out. "Then, there's nothing more left for you to care about, is there?" he looked up at me and looked into my soul with pure interest and confusion. Innocence, even. "Or what do I even have for you to love... thus, If I do, then why don't you die with me? there's no point in living, is there? We live for nothing in the end..."

I felt weak in my knees. I felt tingling in my bones, as if at any moment I would fall into the grave that was being dug right under my feet.

had he seriously nothing left?!.. had he lost all hope?!

Did I never mean anything such to him that would make him want to stay?! As he did - to me.

Was it so easy for him to...

"You are not saying that," I said in a low voice. "You don't mean that..."

"what were you even expecting from me?" He clenched his fists tightly and looked at the floor, gritting his teeth, as if he couldn't dare to look at me anymore. "What were you thinking all this time? You thought I was kidding? That I would ever choose to pursue life? That... I wanted to stay here?" He looked up at me, like an Eva, that had life poured into it - soullessly... carnivorously, inhumanly...

"I... I..." My voice dropped, a bitter ball stuck in my throat. "How can you say that..."

"oh, why are you so surprised?" he looked inside my pupils, as in a traitors, crossing his arms. "did you think I was dumb? Making a fool out of me... You thought I was really gonna stay here?"