Always Wanted But May Never Have

So. I've been dreaming. The same dream, every night. About the same person. The exact same things happening. The thing is, I don't know why I have had this dream five nights in a row. It isn't like I'm scared of falling in love. I'm scared about the things that happened in my dream. You may call it "cute" or "young love" but the thing is, it's dirty things. That most girls can't even imagine anybody wanting to do that to her.

Normally, my mind isn't so dirty. But this time, it was like there was a person, in a box, somwhere millions of miles away, controlling my dreams. Someone who knew everything about me, and evidently, knew what was happening in my life at that moment in time.

Then, when I woke up, it had felt so real, and I was confused at this, but I wished it was. I wanted this to happen in real life. I wanted to tell him, I wanted him to help me, I wanted to clear my head. But the thing is. My dreams, they're about my best guy friend. That's the most I'm worried about.

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Elliot's POV

In maths, she sat with me, as always, but this time, it felt different, this time, she looked at me. Lots. In a different way than normal. Even though we were best freinds something was strange and I couldn't put my finger on it. When she looked at me her eyes sparkled and she had moved alot closer A LOT! People had been telling me this past week that she had feelings for me but I didn't believe them for one second I mean we were best friends.

It was impossible

Or was it?

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To everybody I have spoken to, about these dreams, all they say is, he is your best friend he will understand your feelings for him, understand your dreams, he will understand and all that crap. But what I don't understand is, how will he understand them when I have had them, exactly the same, 5 nights in a row, don't understand them myself.

I somehow fell I need to tell him how I feel, if anything else happens after that, I will tell him the dream, but if that would make things awkward, then I don't want to.

*Scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook*

Page: Leeyum I'm Scared of Spoons Too

Ok then Advice hour with Rachel! Mesaage me problems and BE PATIENT I will try to do them all.

I began to type my long story to her. *message sent* "Shit" the other admins will see this. Olivia is also an admin on this page. What have I done? She will read the messages when she sees it is from her bestie"

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The Next Day

Elliots POV

I felt her, she brushed my knee, on the way past me in assembly, I know it was probably nothing, but it felt like it to me. Normally, other people said sorry after they had done this, but instead, she flicked her hair around her shoulders and, faced me and let her lips curve into a cheeky smile.

Maybe she did like me?

But no we are best friends, she would have told me by now if she did. We tell each other everything.

But I suppose I haven't told her I like her. Maybe she's doing what I am doing. Going through what I am going through.

But probably not.

I need to tell her.

In maths.

Or Beacon at lunch.

My thoughts were atopped as everybody stood silently as the headmaster walked in. As we sat down, Caitlin shuffled closer to me and I don't know why, but it felt good.

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"You have to give him the note, " Olivia said as we were walking into the first room in Beacon, "he needs to find out some how, and you're too scared to tell him in person."

"I can't. I know I should, but I can't, he won't understand. He won't understand me. I don't understand me." I had time to say before he came in. Elliot's POV

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked suspiciously as I went and stood inbetween my two best girl friends. Then I noticed the note in Caitlin's hands.

"What's this? Are you keeping secrets from me?"

"No were just not telling you!" Olivia cheekily stated.

" that's enough from you" I said whilst distracting Caitlin and taking the note from her delicate hands.

"GIVE IT BACK!" Screamed Caitlin knowing full well I wouldn't.

My eyes scanned down the paper.

Oh god. She likes me. How on earth am I going to tell her I like her too?

This is so hard arghh.

She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen her mousy brown hair frames her gorgeous face and her eyes well.... Don't even get me started they are like deep blue pools I get lost in them every time I look at her pretty face.

I think I'm in love with her but ill have to keep it secret, I mean she can't know not yet anyway.

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I ran out of the room out to the only private place I could think of. The girls changing rooms. I ran and ran. I didn't even look back to see if my bestie, Olivia was following me. I just had to get out of Elliot's sight and reach as soon as possible. I needed to get away from him, to let it sink in how much I acctually liked him.

I swivelled my hips, around the benches in the girls changing room, and sat myself at the back. Then, the waterworks opened. I cried and cried then, all of a sudden, the door slammed and Olivia slumped herself next to me. Saying soothing words like Don't worry I bet he likes you back, you're the most beautiful girl he will have ever seen in his life, and, even though it made me feel better, I knew it was all bullsh*t.

"It's all going to be fine. I thought you wanted him to read the note. You wanted him to know, and now, he does!" Olivia, at this point, was probably trying to make bad into good to make me feel better.

"It's not going to be ok! He read it when he was mad, he was supposed to be calm, he was supposed to be happy when he read it, but he wasn't and now everything is going to be awkward, especially as, we have maths next," My own words cutting like knives as I spoke.

Then, suddenly the bell went. Simultainesly, Olivia and I, stared at each other in shock before we both sped out and across the school to form. We had to get all the way across the school in the next 20 seconds.

"sh*t!" I said aloud, realising I had just been crying for the last 10 minutes, I was bound to have giant circles of red around my eyes.

"What?" Olivia replied

"Eyes. My eyes, are they red? Truthfully?" I was panicking now.

"Well a bit. Not noticable that it was crying. Elliot's form will have gone in already, they are always in early," Olivia spoke the truth.