Would've. Could've, Should've

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Amanda watched Andy Barber walk into the venue with a tall brunette attached to his arm

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Amanda watched Andy Barber walk into the venue with a tall brunette attached to his arm. The couple followed two teenagers to a table near the front.

Amanda didn't have to guess who Andy was with. It was his family. The couple must have been accompanying the teenage pair. She had met Laurie and Jacob while she was interning and her dad's law firm.

Her father had pressured her to at least intern for his firm, wanting his daughter have some experience in case her singing career didn't work out.

There in the hall closets, in the locked office, or the parked car at a disclosed location she began an affair with Andrew Barber.

At 19 years old she was naive but in love.

Her heart broke when Andy broke his promise to her.

But deep down she knew he would never leave his wife. Amanda was too young for him when their affair started.

Now years later she watches the couple together. She wondered if he still thought about her.

She hardly thought about him now but back then after he ended the affair the thoughts of him kept her up at midnight.

Countless midnights where Amanda not only thought of him but her insecurities as well. She took those sleepless nights and turned it into an album.

It was Amanda's debut tour and now she was playing in her hometown after touring all over the country.

Amanda continued to scan the crowed until she felt the heavy weight of someone's eyes on her. She turned her head just in time to meet the gaze of Andy.

It was as if time stood still for both of them.

The memories of their late nights burning through their minds. The way he caressed her body and whispered in her ear as she let go all over him.

Andy Barber had no idea it was Amanda they were seeing. Jacob and Sarah had told his parents they wanted to go to a concert and so Andy and Laurie accompanied them.

Andy's eyes never left the spot where he saw Amanda. Her blue eyes shining brighter than he ever saw before.

He remembered the nights where she would sing to him. Singing was all she wanted to do instead of becoming a lawyer like her dad wanted. Andy couldn't help but feel proud that she was finally achieving her dreams.

But his heart broke realizing how much he hurt her. He did fall in love with her but the age difference caused him to push her away. Plus he wouldn't be able handle the scrutiny he'd receive if he did leave Laurie for her.

The lights dimmed and the crowd started chanting Amanda's name.

Amanda took a deep breath as she stepped on the stage.
*
*
It was a dream come true for Amanda. She never thought that one day she would be touring the country and have thousands of fans singing her songs.

As one song came to an end Amanda took a deep breath and addressed the audience.

"It feels so good to be here with you all tonight." The crowed clapped and cheered as she paused with a huge smile on her face.

"Now some of you may know, I was born and raised here in Boston." An even bigger cheer came from the crowd. "I never thought I'd get to do this. I always thought I would just follow in my family's footsteps and become a lawyer." She heard the crowd chuckle.

Amanda glanced in the direction of Andy Barber.

"In fact, years ago I was interning at my dad's law office and I fell in love. But unfortunately, he broke my heart. But it was from that heart break that I wrote this next song." The crowded continued to cheer. "Looking back now that I'm older I realized how much of a mistake I made giving myself to this older man..."

Andy felt his heart sink as he heard those words. He saw Laurie glance at him from his peripheral but he kept his gaze on Amanda.

"Anyway I feel like this song can resonate with a lot of young girls."

Amanda took a deep breath as the music started she stole another glance towards Andy and saw his face stone cold but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. Although the while Laurie sat next to him seething with anger.

Amanda always wondered if Andy had come clean about his affair. Laurie must have suspected something since her face was red with anger.

🎶🎶

If you would've blinked, then I would've
Looked away at the first glance
If you tasted poison, you could've
Spit me out at the first chance
And if I was some paint, did it splatter
On a promising grown man?
And if I was a child, did it matter
If you got to wash your hands?
Ooh, ooh, ooh
All I used to do was pray
Would've, could've, should've
If you never looked my way
I would've stayed on my knees
And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19
And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know, I wish you left me wondering
If you never touched me, I would've
Gone along with the righteous
If I never blushed, then they could've
Never whispered about this
And if you never saved me from boredom
I could've gone on as I was
But, Lord, you made me feel important
And then you tried to erase us
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
You're a crisis of my faith
Would've, could've, should've
If I'd only played it safe
I would've stayed on my knees
And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19
And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know, I wish you left me wondering
God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close
Stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close
I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first
And I damn sure would've never danced with the devil at 19
And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven
And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts
Memories feel like weapons
And now that I know, I wish you left me wondering
God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close
Stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close
I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time
Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
The tomb won't close
Stained glass windows in my mind
I regret you all the time
I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep
The wound won't close
I keep on waiting for a sign
I regret you all the time

🎶🎶

As the song finished the chants and cheers from the crowd were deafening. Amanda smiled and waved at the crowed. She saw Laurie storm away and Andy starring at her with a solemn face.

This was the closure she needed.

Andy patted Jacob on the shoulder and told him he would meet him outside once the concert was over.

As Andy walked out he glanced back at Amanda and gave her a small smile. She returned it with a tight smile and continued the rest of her set.

That night as Amanda laid in bed she felt a sense of calm wash over her.

She was finally free of Andy Barber.

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