Accidents Happen

26. Anti-natal class

I had booked a labour and birth class for that afternoon. I didn't think Dan would've wanted to come, with the jet lag and being on a plane for 27 hours, but much to my surprise he did.

'I know it's not me doing the pushing, but I want to know what's happening.'

'You want to know what's happening in my vagina?'

'No...not like that...' He turned bright red. I loved making him squirm. And I wanted to see how he'd react to some real life talk about what was going to happen. I'd gone on a crash course of information regarding babies and was trying to be as knowledgable as possible.

I drove us to the hospital where I'd be going to in 23 weeks time. It was hard to believe we were nearly half way already. Time had flown by. The class was made up of ten couples, each one looking more terrified than the last and with varying sizes of pregnancy bumps. I'd yet to meet any other pregnant ladies and as we all sat drinking tea and eating biscuits in a circle, I found myself joining in the conversation of heartburn.

'I get it really bad after eating bread.' One lady told us.

'Me too!' I chimed in. 'And pasta. Anything with wheat I guess.'

'You should drink more milk, it really helps.' Another lady told me. Dan was busy talking animatedly to another dad-to-be about pushchairs and wheel size versus shopping basket capacity.

'How many weeks are you?' A young girl beside me asked.

'Seventeen. You?'

'Twenty five. Do you know what you're having? We're having a boy.' She held hands with her partner, the guy talking to Dan.

'Not yet. Is this your first?'

'Yeah, can you guess?'

'This'll be our third. Already have two boys.'

'Wow.' I smiled.

'Your husband seems nice.'

'Oh, he's not, we're not-' I stumbled over my words.

'Right ladies, gentlemen and babies.' The woman giving the class came in, drawing all our attentions to what looked like a wool knitted vagina and toy baby. And Dans utterance of 'what the hell?' beside me instantly got me laughing. And things didn't get much better when we were played a video of an actual birth. I burst into laughter at the look of horror on Dans face.

'Is everything ok?' The woman asked, mistaking my tears of laughter for tears of upset.

We giggled all the way through. I don't think the woman was very impressed with us. Or any of the other couples. There went my hopes of making some friends. We left the class trying so hard to hold onto our giggles.

When we got outside, I had to clutch onto Dans arm as I doubled up.

And then I realised my trousers were wet.

'Oh my god.' I giggled. 'Dan, I think I wet myself.' Which only led to him laughing even more.

'You pissed your pants?' He could hardly get the words out. We had to drive straight home and I had no idea how I managed it. I couldn't even look at him without my face creasing into laughter and tears spilling from my eyes.

I ran inside to get changed, Dan waiting in the car. We'd planned on getting some lunch before Dan had to head to his record company that afternoon. And with fresh trousers on minutes later and both of us still laughing, we drove to the town centre.

We only went to Nandos, my not so secret craving for spicy chicken being satisfied. We caught up in everything we'd missed while he'd been away. How I'd spent New Year at a party I couldn't drink at and had to drive Ben home at four AM. And Dan told me all about the beauty of New Zealand. I could listen to him speak for hours. And I was so glad to have him home.

We decided to go for a wander after eating. Though it was late February and technically still winter, the weather was rather kind. The sun shone with just enough of a breeze to shake the last few leaves from the trees. We found ourselves outside a newspaper stand and I caught a glimpse of a magazine with Dans face on it, all done up smart and hair perfectly quaffed. The Dan I saw on tv and in magazines wasn't the Dan I knew. My housemate was lazy and untidy, he was rarely seen without a hat attached firmly to his head. Even in the almost-spring sunshine.

When I pointed the magazine out to him, he pulled down his beanie to hide his face and groaned.

'This baby's gonna be born wearing a hat, isn't it?' I teased him. We walked in silence for a little while, just observing the world around us. I wondered what it was like to be one of these people we passed, seemingly without drama in their lives. Just going about their day. But then, my life wasn't all that bad. I no longer had money to worry about. I had a great guy to raise this baby with. But one thing was bugging me.

'God I want an ice cream real bad.' I said out loud.

'Theres a park round the corner, I'm sure there's a van.'

'Don't you need to get back?' I wondered. It was almost four, he needed to get to work.

'It can wait.' He beamed.