fix you | e. munson

ix.

and suddenly something clicked for eddie. of course evie would be going to some fancy, rich person school states away. why wouldn't she? she was the smartest person he'd ever known and any school would be lucky to have her, so why did that sting so much?

eddie knew that even if by some miracle evelyn felt the same way as he did, he couldn't interfere with her future, her dreams. if he told her how much he loved her, she might, by some serious stroke of luck, drop everything just to be with him. he wouldn't be able to live with himself. he wasn't going anywhere in life(except maybe jail) and he wouldn't amount to anything.

the boy's biggest dreams and aspirations were to maybe own a mechanic shop here in this podunk town that hates him, or miraculously getting a record deal for his metal band, corroded coffin.

he sat back in his chair and bounced his knee while chewing on his already nubby fingernails, thinking of something to say but was at a loss. he couldn't help but to be upset, rather pissed.

the girl felt bad for bringing up college, but it needed to be said. she wanted nothing more than for eddie to be able to graduate and come with her, but she had fought tooth and nail to land a spot in brown. she couldn't let someone, no matter how amazing, get in the way of that. especially considering that he hadn't been part of her life in so long, but she was being selfish.

evelyn always got what she wanted.

"eds, i didn't mean to upset you, i just worked really hard to get where i am and i can't stay in this town. i need to make something of myself..."

"i don't wanna hold you back, princess, i get it." the boy spat as he glanced over at the front desk to see that, just like he'd predicted, the librarian was gone. "but i'm a loser that probably won't even get into community college, so i'm gonna go smoke with or without you."

eve couldn't understand why he got so mad at her for saying no, but she wasn't about to beg him to stay. they were both too proud to cave.

"i don't think you're a loser—"

eddie stood up and slapped his hands on the desk; the sudden movement from him made eve flinch. as if he wasn't already feeling like a piece of shit, that set it in stone, but he was already making his way to the exit to smoke his problems away.

evelyn sat silently in her chair as she watched him leave, not even bothering to look back.

☆

        it had been a little over a week since eddie spoke to evelyn and he didn't even know why anymore. he was just so pissed at himself that he thought he didn't even deserve to talk to her let alone be in her presence. the boy knew he was in the wrong for how he acted in the library and he missed her so much.

eddie had fallen behind in homework and was once again drowning in the ocean that was his senior year. the only good grade he got in ms. o' donnell's class was the A+ that evelyn had earned them with her paper. he almost didn't even want it; he felt like it wasn't fair for her to have done all of the work, but they weren't talking so he gratefully took it anyways.

truthfully, eddie was being selfish and running away from his problems as usual. deep down, he was just trying to find a reason to separate himself from her so she could just forget about him and move on, to graduate and be able to leave. her hands washed completely clean of him.

it was so stupid because he had tried so hard to be in her life again to begin with. eddie was the one that forced himself back into her with such defiance and no caution whatsoever, but she let him, so why was it different now?