The noise in my head is loud. It rumbles forth like a great land slide. All the self doubt. All the failing to understand. Is this the right choice. Can I make it through this day without failing. If I failed would I care anymore. Would anyone care. I sit here contemplating these questions against the noise. Trying failing to filter through it. Maybe I can give up this time.
"Daddy, Spider-Man?"
The question snaps me back from the pool of thoughts I had started to submerge myself in.
"Ya buddy. You can play Spider-Man."
"Hurray!"
I watch as he excitedly turns on his game. A single tear rolls down my check. I can't give up. I gave up way to easy in the past. I have to show him that sometimes you have to be stronger. Sometimes you find that thing in life that makes you a better person and you have to do everything you can for it. I hope in the future he realizes that it's him. That I will go to hell and back just to have him sit at the foot of my bed playing a video game. To hear him laugh and see him smile. To hear him say "I did it. I win." And at that moment all I can think is: me too buddy. Me too.
