Heartbroken love

Heartbreak and Love

In this part I freely imagine the aftermath of Vecna's rampage. It's also he part where Emma and Steve really find each other, eventually. All is good in the end though!

The darkness... it's taken over. Dad tells me I graduated, I have no memories of this. I apparently went up on that stage, got my diploma, refused to leave until principal Higgins gave me Eddies diploma to. I have a faint memory of the Hellfire club standing up cheering, alongside Steve and the gang. All cheering and screaming Eddies name. People booing, Steve throwing something at them. But this is just like a memory of a dream... you're not quite sure it's real. Dad says it is, he was standing up cheering for Eddie as well.

It's been 3 months now, 3 agonizing months without him. The trailer park was demolished in the "earthquake" so Wayne had to leave. He came by to say good bye, and he left me Eddies guitar. Told me that if I ever found myself in whatever part of the country he ended up in I needed to look him up. I think I promised him that. I sleep with the guitar in my bed, or sleep. I stay in some kind of dormancy, not asleep not awake. Just... shut off. Then dad comes and makes me get out of bed, every morning without fail. He makes sure I take a shower and then I just sit there in my chair, holding the guitar looking out the window.

The town is slowly coming back from the disaster that was "the earthquake" dad tells me. They're rebuilding and fixing what they're able to. I don't care... What's to care about? A town that celebrated the dead like heroes of war but ignored one of the only real heroes it had? Not one mention about him in the eulogies, even AFTER they came out and said he was falsely accused of the murder of Chrissy. Not even then was he mentioned as anything but "that freaky Munson boy" I understand why Wayne felt he needed to leave.

Dad's been asking me if we should leave too, maybe head back to Sweden so I can apply for university next semester. I cry silent tears when he says this, so he doesn't push. The therapist that comes here once a week told him not to push. Just give me time, I'll come out of this eventually, it'll be easy once I get over the initial pain. Fucking moron, I hope someone he loves dies and then he can come tell me how easy it is to "come out of it". I feel angry, all the time. Then sad, and I cry. I don't know where the tears come from, you'd think I would have run out by now. But that's my life now, anger, tears and pain. But no actions, I don't have it in me to DO anything but stare into nothingness and...exist.

I miss him so much, sometimes I just wish I had it in me to... you know join him. But I can't do that to dad. He loved Eddie too, I know this but I have no energy to be there for him and that also makes me miserable.

The guys have been around to visit. In the beginning almost every day. Now school's started again and Nancy, Steve and Robin have all got new jobs. So I'm alone all day. Dad got a promotion following the death of Jason, his dad had a mental breakdown and couldn't keep working. The board asked dad to step in and manage the whole company. I'm sure I'm proud somewhere inside, I might even be able to show it some day.

I have absolutely no idea what happened to them in the Upside down, after finding Dustin in that parking lot I've lost track of everything. Steve is the one that comes over the most, he sits beside me holding my hand. Not speaking, I can't take in what people tell me anyway. He just sits there. It feels good having him there, it feels comforting.

Another month passes, I think it's getting a bit easier to exist. Not a lot but I manage to remember things dad tells me for more than 10 minutes. I get out of bed on my own, I've even been down stairs a few times. I can tell dad is tentatively hopeful, maybe I am to. But at the same time I'm terrified. What if I get better and I forget him? What if everyone moves on and he's just passes in to oblivion? When these thoughts hit I panic. The only thing calming me down is to sit in bed strumming Eddie's guitar humming to myself. That's also the only use of my voice since that day I graduated. I haven't spoken, not one word. I nod and I shake my head.
On this particular day the intrusive thoughts are really bad and I decide to do something I haven't done in 4 months. I pick up the phone after making sure it's a Saturday and not a weekday.