These Violent Delights

Chapter 27: Because You're Mine

Four shots of tequila, two cocktails, and an entire jar of olives later—courtesy of the Canto Bight Resort bartender—and you were fucking hammered. 

Just as you intended.

Six hours ago, when the Stormtroopers found you and hauled you back to the Supreme Leader, you didn't fight them. You had accepted there would likely be a dire punishment for your attempted escape. You just couldn't find it in you to care. You had already endured the worst kind of torture at his hands, and truth be told, nothing could hurt you as much as Organa's abandonment, or the look on Drox's face when you so stupidly told him you loved him.

So, after you had been dragged to your captor and thrown at his feet, you simply looked up at him and waited. But nothing happened. All he did was tug you up and pull you to the awaiting speeder, gesturing for you to get inside. There wasn't one glare or a sigh of disappointment as the two of you sat side by side on the way back to the hotel.

At first, you thought he was ignoring you because he wanted to make you sweat about the impending consequences of your actions. But back at the Resort, General Hux sauntered past the two of you in the garden, his face twisting into a smug satisfaction as he said I told you so, Ren. Kylo had snapped right then and there, bringing the General to his knees as he Force-choked him to the very edge of death. Any other day, you'd stick around to watch Hux wheeze like a cat hacking up a hairball, but to avoid being Kylo's next victim, you took the opportunity to sneak back up to your room.

You heard the Supreme Leader walk past your door only minutes later, and you held your breath in anticipation that your time for punishment had come. But he didn't come into your room, nor did he even check that you were in there. He went straight next door, and a few of his knights emerged from god knows where to follow him inside. The second you heard his door whoosh close, you crept over to the shared wall between your rooms to eavesdrop.

While you didn't hear the entirety of what had happened, you understood that the mission had been a failure: Kylo had waited too long to retrieve the Master Codebreaker, giving the Resistance the upper hand to snag the crystal, and the Order hadn't captured any prominent fighters, meaning Skywalker's location was still a mystery. The only thing that went according to plan was the Knights of Ren had successfully neutralized the remaining Kanjiklub members.

Today had been so chaotic, you had honestly forgotten about the fucks that tried to kill you. But an hour after Kylo and his posse had arrived, the rest of the knights showed up with Tasu's secondhand man, the bruised and bloody Qin-Fee. That's when you stopped eavesdropping in exchange for a good holodrama—your unhinged captor began torturing him the moment he arrived. You didn't mind all too much, but after a while, the sounds of his blood-curdling screams made your ears ring, so here you were. Drinking to numb the pain.

You looked down at your drink, swirling it around as you swung your feet back and forth off the edge of the bar stool. Vicrul and Ushar were around you somewhere, but you didn't care. Right now, you didn't care about anything besides forgetting today ever happened. And that involved alcohol—lots of alcohol—a bath, your bed, and maybe a banana.

You brought the glass to your lips to finish it off, but your stomach churned at the smell, so you set it down to slide it away. Drinking alone while two burly, evil babysitters watched your every move was already enough of a low point—you didn't need to spend all night throwing up, too.

With a sigh, you slid off the stool and gripped the edge of the bar to steady yourself. You closed your eyes as your head started to spin, inhaling a breath through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.

"Are you alright, Miss Ren?" came the unmistakably pleasant and smart-assy voice of Vicrul, now suddenly too close for comfort.

"Stop calling me that," you groaned, keeping your head down as you inched away from him. "You're gonna make me sick."

"Ah, we wouldn't want that now, would we, Miss Ren?" he mused, placing a hand on the small of your back. "Come on, let's get you upstairs."

You jerked away from him. "Don't touch me. You're mean and I don't like you."

You turned around to head for the exit, and even over the chatter of the cantina, you could hear the soft, musical laugh emanating from under his mask as he followed. Next, more footsteps as you assumed Ushar fell into step with Vicrul to trail after you. You promptly ignored them, smiling at the pretty stewardess who slid the doors open for you and walked outside. You confidently turned right, but the shaft of Vicrul's weapon pressed against your back, swooping you to the left.

You protested at first, but after stumbling in the direction he was leading you, you realized that he was right. You had been walking toward the gardens, and the staircase to your room was the other way. He chuckled once you stopped resisting, and a flash of heat reached your cheeks when you realized you were the sloppy kind of drunk right now. But that didn't stop you from scowling at him over your shoulder just to talk shit.

"I knew where I was going, you know. I was just making sure you were paying attention."

Vicrul sounded genuinely entertained. "Oh? So you're blushing for a different reason then?" With a frustrated huff of air, you looked ahead and ignored him, blushing harder than before. A fact he seemed to revel in. "Aw, come on, don't be embarrassed, love. I personally think the color on your cheeks is a good look. It makes you look innocent."

Ushar snorted in amusement at the prospect of you appearing innocent, but you didn't take the bait. You kept your gaze trained forward as you held out hope you'd get to the stairs sooner than the next millennium. But with your least favorite people tailing you, the trek seemed to stretch on forever. Wealthy hotel guests passed by, looking you up and down—no doubt wondering who had let an inebriated, homeless woman onto the property—but were quick to withdraw their judgment when they saw two Knights of Ren escorting you.

You glared at each and every one of them, until two gorgeous showgirls strutted by and approached Ushar and Vicrul. They stopped to talk to the knights familiarly, distracting your babysitters long enough for you to keep walking without them noticing.

You let out a giddy noise of excitement and jogged to the staircase. You knew you couldn't get very far, but you could at least enter the stairwell without an escort, right? Wrong. Just as you turned the corner to run up the stairs, your moment of freedom was ruined by a redhead with a superiority complex.

"Ah," Hux mused, "Prisoner M421. What a pleasant surprise, seeing you here." Judgmental eyes dragged down the length of your frame before flicking back to your face. "You smell, and look, like you bathed in a vat of liquor."

"Thanks," you chirped, flashing him a brilliant smile. You nodded at the staircase he was so rudely blocking. "Now please, scoot your perpetually-puckered asshole to the side so I can get by."

His face twisting into disgust, Hux let out a strained exhale. "What a foul mouth you have," he muttered, stepping down closer to you. "What the Supreme Leader sees in you, I will never understand."

"Whatever do you mean, Hux?" you asked with nauseating innocence. "I'm as sweet as starfruit syrup these days. The Supreme Leader just adores me." With a wink, you tried to walk around him. "Night, Gen—"

Hux swooped in, his body pressing into yours as his pale, long fingers wrapped around your arm. You glowered at him, trying to twist away, but he only held you tighter. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, kitty cat." Although he spoke with a low, palatable voice, his lips twisted menacingly around his words. "You're manipulating the Supreme Leader, working his tragic soft spot in order to benefit the enemy."

Jaw tight and heart thumping, you yanked your arm free from him. "I don't know what you're talking about, General," you said tightly. You stepped around him to approach the stairs. "Now, if you'll excuse—"

"No. You are not excused," he quipped, pivoting to block your way. You stumbled back. The fucker might be shaped like a string bean, but you were way too intoxicated to try and forcibly move him. All you did was glare at him as he towered over you, voice low as sugar-coated poison dripped from his lips. "Listen to me, little one, and listen well. You might have Ren eating out of the palm of your hand, but I know better than to trust a criminal like you," he hissed, quickly flashing his bright, malevolent eyes above your head as Kylo's knights approached. Vicrul called out for him to back off, but Hux did the exact opposite, lowering his voice even more as he leaned in. "Admit it, Kitten, you would still kill him the very instant you had the opportunity, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," you said without hesitation. You tried to appear menacing even though you were seeing double. "I suppose that's the one thing you and the Supreme Leader have in common, General."

Satisfaction oozed from Hux's every pore. "That's what I thought," he said, keeping his unblinking, gleaming eyes on your face until Vicrul and Ushar advanced. Then, he took a step back, giving them a smile as sharp as knives. "Gentleman."

"There's nothing gentle about us, General," Ushar mused as he and Vicrul took wide stances on either side of him.

The smile on Hux's face faltered, nose wrinkling as he looked at them like they had just spit in his tea. He straightened his back and smoothed out of his uniform. "Of course. How silly of me." After throwing you an apathetic look, the General stepped around the knights and excused himself. "Have a pleasant night, you three."

Ushar looked at you. "What did the weasel want?"

Keeping your eyes on the back of Hux striding toward the gardens, you yawned—loudly and obnoxiously—to buy yourself some time. You hadn't realized your little plan to cooperate and gain Kylo's trust was so obvious, but you knew lying wouldn't earn you any favors, so you told the truth. "He asked me if I would kill Kylo if I had the chance," you said nonchalantly, glancing at both of their masks before turning toward the stairs. "I said yes."

Ushar snorted. "Sure thing, Miss Ren."

You bit your tongue at their new nickname for you; you didn't have the energy to fight them right now. You were agitated after seeing Hux, and tired, and hungry, and so, so dizzy. Taking deep breaths, you coiled up the stairs, looking down at your feet and trying to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. You were almost there. You just had to keep going, up these never-ending stairs that went around and around and around and—

Thunk. You blinked as you felt your palms and knees dig into the cool, hard cement. You didn't know what happened, but it was the darndest thing, really—just as you went to take the final step into the corridor, you tilted down and the ground tilted up. You let out a delayed yelp of pain, but then came a fit of giggles, laughing at how dumb you were.

"Oh shit, I fell."

As your babysitters stepped around you, Vicrul sighed. "Alright, Miss Ren, let's get you up."

Hands grabbed you. Gloved, rough hands, manhandling your drunk ass off the ground. You didn't even get a chance to protest before Vicrul had you in his arms, cradling you against his chest. He straightened his spine and carried you down the hall, making you feel sick from the movement. "Stop calling me that before I barf," you groaned, weakly attempting to climb out of his arms. "And put me down. I can walk."

No response. The only sounds banging in your head were the knight's footsteps and the shuffle of armor. You had to close your eyes, your dizziness back in full force. But you found you were even more disoriented behind your eyelids, making your head spin as you latched a hand out to wrap around his shoulder. To your surprise, Vicrul jolted at the touch.

Opening one eye, you gave him a curious look, but he didn't acknowledge you as he kept his mask trained forward. Even though he was usually fucking annoying and always had something witty to say, right now, he seemed to be ignoring you—tense, even, as your hand slid down near his collarbone. Your fingers inched closer to his underarm, and he jerked away again. A wicked smile played on your lips. He was ticklish.

You attacked, wiggling your fingers to infiltrate the sensitive spot under his arm. Sure enough, he twitched again, a small exhale spilling from his helmet as he readjusted you in his arms. You threw your head back and laughed. "Oh my gods, you're ticklish! You. You. The smart ass with the scythe! You are ticklish!"

"No, I'm not," Vicrul said, but the snippiness in his voice gave him away. "Now stop fucking with me, Miss Ren, unless you want to eat pavement again."

You kept laughing, and to your surprise, Ushar joined in as he walked past you. A full, hearty laugh—something you didn't expect from a big-ass scary guy with a midsection bulkier than your body. Thoroughly pleased with yourself, you felt Vicrul stiffen as he tilted his mask to the side, watching as Ushar took out his datapad to type with one hand.

"Ushar," Vicrul said, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing." The two men slowed their pace as they approached your room. "Just telling the others of your newfound weakness."

"Ah, that's a sure way to die," Vicrul said sweetly as he faced your door. He jammed his elbow into the controls, grunting when he couldn't hit the right button as he balanced you in his arms. "A little help, Ushar?"

"Nah." You flung your eyes over Vicrul's shoulder to see Usher leaning against the railing, his mask still pointed down at his datapad. "That looks like a you problem."

Vicrul muttered something under his breath. Through the fog encasing your brain, you couldn't make it out, but you thought you heard the word cuck. You swung your gaze back at the door, keeping one arm wrapped around his shoulders as you tried to poke the open button.

"Here, lemme help."

You must have been a little too hasty in your attempt to assist because Vicrul grunted, readjusting his grip on you to stop you from sliding out of his arms. But once he had you situated, he stepped closer to the control panel to give you access. With your tongue sticking out of your mouth, you closed one eye to concentrate and pressed the red button.

"There!" you celebrated, but it beeped at you and the door remained closed. You pouted. "Aw, what happened? I pressed it."

Vicrul sounded like he was trying very, very hard to be patient with you. "The green button, Miss Ren."

"Oh, yeah, duh," you muttered, your hand curling around the base of his neck as you leaned in again, your eye on the green button. Aiming with the tip of your finger, you missed again, ramming the red one.

Vicrul's grip tightened on you, shifting your weight. "The green button, Miss Ren."

"Oh, for star's sake," you grumbled, flustered as you hurled yourself forward, slamming your fist into the stupid control panel. It worked—you pressed the green one—but you also pressed the red button at the same time. The panel beeped angrily at you, and you groaned, attempting to try again, but the green button lit up and dinged before you had the chance.

Ushar tutted. "Master Ren instructed us to use the Force only during emergencies, Vicrul. He won't be happy about that."

"This was an emergency," Vicrul deadpanned, walking into your room. He moved to set you down. "Here you are, Miss—"

You clung onto him. "Wait, no! Not this room. Fuck this room! Take me over there," you said, pointing toward the wall you shared with Kylo. When he didn't move, you smacked his chest and gestured outside into the hall. "Come on, giddy up!"

It was official. Even with Vicrul's fancy accent, he sounded mad. "That is the Supreme Leader's room, Miss Ren."

You gave him a sarcastic scoff. "Really? I thought it was a Walmart."

Vicrul let out a clipped exhale, hinging tightly out the doorway to enter the corridor again. "Hell. I'd rather be in Hell," he muttered, clearly fed up with your antics. But still, he carried you toward Kylo's door like a good boy. As he fussed with the other panel, Ushar snorted.

"Walmart," he repeated to himself, shaking his head. "Good one."

Pursuing your lips, you shot a curious glance at Ushar, your chin resting on Vicrul's shoulder. "I don't think they even have those here." You paused, thinking about it. "Do they have those here?"

"I dunno," he said with a half-shrug. Ushar turned his head to the side, a chuckle vibrating under his mask. "If they did, though, it would be called StarMart or something stupid like that."

"Ha! Yeah, you're right," you said, enthusiastically slapping Vicrul's chest. He was crouching down, trying unsuccessfully to operate the control panel. He let out an agitated grunt in return, but you kept prattling on. "Or, like, SpaceStop or StarPit, to give it that vibe, you know."

"Mhm, totally." Ushar repositioned against the railing, jutting his mask toward the panel currently in the throes of Vicrul's verbal assault. "Better get that door open before Vicrul loses it and breaks down all four walls."

You gave him a sly smile. "Didn't we already do that?"

Suddenly, Vicrul snapped. "MASTER REN!" he shouted, kicking at the door like a madman as his obnoxious companions laughed. "MASTER REN, FOR THE LOVE OF—"

The door whooshed open. "Vicrul."

You whirled your head at the sound of Kylo's less-than-enthused voice. You grinned at him. "Howdy, partner."

He frowned. "Don't ever say that again."

Vicrul shifted you in his arms. "Master Ren, I—"

"Bought me a present," Kylo finished for him. He regarded you tiredly, his frown deepening. "You're gone, Kitten."

"Yeah, I—" A yawn stopped you mid-sentence. Your head suddenly too heavy to keep upright, you crashed it against Vicrul's chest, a surge of his scent wafting under your nose. You tilted your face inward, giving him a good sniff. "Oh, wow. You smell good." You sniffed him again. "Like musky but not like crusty musky, you know?" Sniff, sniff. "Like, spicy musky." After one last inhale, you lifted your head and peered up at his mask. "With a hint of...citrus, is it?"

Vicrul ignored you, extending his arms out to Kylo. "Master Ren." You knew a pleading man when you heard one. "Please."

Expressionless, Kylo moved forward and collected you from his arms. You turned to wave to Vicrul as he stepped away, but the door closed faster than lightspeed, leaving you and Kylo alone in his quarters. You frowned as he carried you across the room. "I don't think he likes me."

"I can't imagine why," Kylo said as he entered his bedroom. "Bedtime, Kitten."

"I'm not tired anymore." But your body deceived you with another yawn, so you glanced around the room quickly, pretending to be alert. "Hey, where did Qin-Fee go? I heard him screaming in here all day."

"He was taken to the furnace hours ago," he said, expressionless as he set you down on the bed. "All sixteen pieces of him."

You carefully lowered yourself against the pillows, peering up at Kylo as he helped you put your legs under the covers. "You...tore him apart?"

"Yes," he said, pulling the blanket over your lap. He observed you for a moment before standing up straight and turning away. "Stay put. I'm getting you water."

A rush of emotion came over you, so fast, you couldn't stop yourself from shooting a hand out, grabbing his wrist. "Tell me why."

He stopped but remained facing away from you. From over his shoulder, he looked down at your fingers curling around him, then at your face. "You're dehydrated after—"

"No." You sloppily shook your head from side to side, your grip tightening around him. "Tell me why you tore him apart."

Kylo furrowed his brows. "Because he tried to murder you," he said with slow emphasis, as though it were obvious. "Qin-Fee was responsible for the IG-11 droid."

"I know that," you hurried to say, insistently shaking your head. "Tell me why that matters, Kylo." As you stared up at him with big eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat, you knew you looked, and sounded, a bit desperate. "Say it."

He was quiet for a moment, searching your face before he broke eye contact and tried to move away. "You need wa—"

"Tell me the thing you always say. The thing I always deny," you begged, raising your voice as you tugged on his wrist, keeping him anchored beside the bed. He looked back down at you, and you didn't try to hide the tears running down your cheeks. "Say it."

Kylo moved slowly as he turned to face you. He stood tall and still at the side of the bed, peering down at you with dark, guarded eyes. You stared right back at him, the blaring silence filling all the hollow spaces that Drox and Organa had so carelessly left inside you. "Please, Kylo." Your bottom lip trembled. "Please say it."

Tilting his chin down, his features softened as he brought a hand to your cheek, cupping it tenderly as he swiped a tear away with his thumb. Then, with his eyes on your lips, he spoke with just a hoarse whisper as though it pained him to say it aloud. "Because you're mine."

You sprang up in bed, reaching for him, and Kylo shot his hands out to steady you. You swayed on your knees, planting your hands on his chest and curling them around his tunic. Using your grip, you tugged him down and brought his surprised face to yours, smashing your lips against his to kiss him. Hot and messy and passionate, his low groan vibrated in your mouth, and his hands slid down your back, holding you to his body. While still tasting his tongue, you slipped a hand down his abdomen and cupped his growing need below his belt.

Kylo broke away from the kiss, both of you panting as he set his forehead on yours. He looked down as you tackled his zipper. At first, he jerked his hips into you to give you better access. But as you swerved from side to side, fumbling to get his cock free, he pulled away.

"No." Wrapping his hands around your shoulders, he gently pushed you off him and stepped back. "Not now."

You suddenly felt too heavy to support your weight. You sank down, sitting back on the heels of your feet with a dumbfounded expression on your face. "What?"

"Not now," Kylo repeated, wiping his mouth as he turned around and walked out the bedroom door.

Your jaw dropped as you sat there on the bed, listening to him rummaging around in the kitchen. You felt the heat of humiliation crawl up your skin, drying up your tears and leaving nothing behind but your charred, stinging ego. He doesn't want me.

Kylo reemerged with a glass of water, holding it out to you. "Drink."

You curled your hands into tight fists, venom in your eyes. "You told me that when my need to fuck you outweighs my need to kill you, you will be here, waiting for me," you said rigidly, hoping your cheeks weren't as dark with shame as they felt. "So, what do you mean, not now?"

Kylo put the glass down. "For one, you're wasted. You won't remember this in the morning. And secondly, you're too vulnerable right now."

"Both of those things aren't true," you said through gritted teeth. "I'm totally fine."

"Oh? So you aren't wasted?"

"Nope."

Kylo raised an arrogant brow. "You most definitely are."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "No, I'm not."

"You are."

"I am fine, just—"

"How do you spell the planet Kashyyk?"

"Where the Wookiees live?" you asked, and he nodded. "Kriff, I can't spell that sober."

"So, you are drunk."

"Ugh, fine! I'm drunk but not black-out drunk. I will remember everything tomorrow morning. I'm perfectly aware of what I'm doing."

"You are, are you?"

"Yes."

"Hm." Pressing his tongue against the side of his cheek, Kylo placed his hands behind his back and looked down at you with a tinge of smugness. "Tell me what you're doing, then."

"I'm..." you started but had to stop, suddenly self-conscious. You finished with an embarrassed mumble. "I'm trying to fuck you."

"Right. And why are you trying to do that?"

"Uh, for obvious reasons?" You gave him an odd look. "I mean, seriously, now's the time for a lesson on the birds and the bees, Kylo?"

"No," he said, with a curt shake of his head. His expression hardened. "You're mad at Drox, and you think fucking me is a way to get back at him."

You froze. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

Your mind raced faster than the Millennium Falcon in the Kessel Run, a concoction of emotions roiling in your gut. "You picked apart my memory from today?"

He didn't hesitate. "Yes."

Red-hot embarrassment boiled inside of you, expanding under your skin like wildfire. Your heart thrummed in your chest as you looked up at your captor, spitting a vile truth you meant with every fiber of your being. "I can't stand you."

Kylo almost looked amused. "I know." He turned around and left the bedroom.

"No," you called out, standing up ungracefully as you fought to regain your balance. "You don't know."

From the other room, you heard Kylo make a disinterested noise. Rage tore through you at his indifference. "Why did you walk away from me?" you yelled, clomping after him. You shuffled to a stop in the middle of the living area, putting your hands on your hips as you glared at him in the kitchen. "What are you doing? I was talking to you!"

He kept his back to you as he sorted through a basket of fruit. "I am getting you something to eat before bed."

Your rib cage swelled as you sucked in a sharp inhale. "Stop trying to take care of me! I am not your pet!"

"Oh?" he mused, a mocking edge to his tone. "I can't entice you with anything? A muffin? A cup of tea?" He finally looked at you, deadpan. "A banana, perhaps?"

You held his provoking gaze, saying nothing. Then, with a slight twitch of his lips, he turned back around to grab an apple and walked out of the kitchen, meeting you in the center of the room, snack in hand. "Eat."

You shook your head, trying very hard to control your temper. "I want to go back to my room, please."

"Sure." Kylo outstretched his hand. "After you eat."

"No," you flared, slapping it out of his hand. "Now."

Kylo's head turned toward the apple, now on the ground across the room. He tsked. "Such a naughty pet. Always misbehaving."

You lunged. You didn't know why you did—you knew this man was basically invincible—but you had to get all this rage, all this pent-up aggression out somehow. Screaming as you thrashed your hands against his chest, you tried to shove him and knock him off balance. But he didn't budge. He didn't even flinch.

"Fight back!" you screamed, pounding into him some more. You were desperate to elicit something from him. Hatred, anger, annoyance—anything that would make you feel less alone with your own cocktail of emotions.

"That's it," he murmured, encouraging you to hit him, "let it out."

"Stop that, stop trying to help me!" you barked, voice breaking as you yelled. With wild eyes, you gave him one last shove, panting. "I hate you!"

In the stretched silence, pity came over Kylo's face. "It would be easier if that were true."

You shook your head with disbelief, but you knew he was right, and suddenly, you felt very, very tired. Pressure built inside your head, full of unwanted feelings and tears. Heaviness washed over you as your vision blurred, and Kylo moved closer to you, his hands settling on your arms to tug you to his chest. It took you a moment to realize he was trying to hug you.

"Don't touch me." You tore apart from him and walked back to his bedroom.

Kylo sighed, following after you. "Make up your mind, Kitten."

"Just go away." You kept your back to him as you fussed with the pillows. "I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Don't want to, or don't know how to?"

You snapped your head over your shoulder. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The way he was looking at you felt like a challenge. "Exactly what it sounds like." With one last glare, you turned to climb onto the mattress, hoping he'd leave you the fuck alone, but he stepped even closer to tower over you from the edge of the bed. "There's a reason why the only time we've had a real conversation was in your dreamscape. Tell me, why do you think that is?"

"No." You yanked the blanket over your lap, aggressively getting situated. "Now, go away."

"How ironic," Kylo mused, blowing a cocky huff through his nose. "You're proving my point right now as we speak without even knowing it."

"We are not speaking. You are bugging me, and I'm trying to go to bed."

"No." You could hear the cruel amusement in his voice. "We're not speaking because you don't know how to, but you don't want to hear that, now, do you?"

Rolling your head to the side, you groaned and finally looked up at him. "If I listen to what you have to say, will you leave me alone?" Kylo nodded, and you made an agitated gesture with your hands. "Fine. Then proceed, so I—"

"Your walls are this high," he cut you off, lifting a hand above his head for a visual. "All day, every day. In your dreamscape, we were on the other side of it. That allowed you to speak freely. It helped you hear me. But here, in reality? You hide behind them, refusing to process or even face your emotions. It turns you into this," he said, accusation in his tone as he nodded toward you, "an immature child unable to use grown-up words to have a grown-up conversation."

Heat licked up your neck, spreading to your cheeks. "That's rich coming from you, the full-grown man who still has temper tantrums."

"The things inside of me—they're vicious," Kylo flared, bowing over you and jabbing a finger at his chest. "The dark side rots you from the inside out if you don't stay vigilant every single day, meaning I'm in a constant battle with myself every single day, just to have a sliver of normalcy inside my head. I fight for control, for discipline, for clarity with every breath I take because I know my temper is a weakness. I see it. I face it. I do all that I can to overcome it. But you?" he said with a small shake of his head and a scoff, straightening his spine. "You won't face any of your demons. Not a single one. Look at me and tell me that I'm wrong."

Your pulse pounded angrily in your head. You held his unrelenting gaze with as much defiance as you could manage, but the longer he looked at you—no, the longer he saw you, you realized you couldn't deny what he had said. Not now. Not when you were already at rock bottom. You dropped your head down in defeat, your shoulders slumping forward. You had the overwhelming urge to crawl under the blankets and hide.

"Ah, so you do know I'm right," Kylo uttered, crouching before you. You felt his eyes on you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, even though he had lowered his voice, speaking to you with the tenderness you craved. "You keep yourself in a perpetually dissociative state, only processing your feelings at surface level. I feel it even now. You see it as self-preservation, but it's not. It keeps you stuck. It keeps you emotionally stunted, forcing you to choose violence because getting physical doesn't require feeling anything, right?"

Kylo waited for a response, but you didn't give him one. Couldn't. All you could do was stay perfectly still in his bed, your eyes fixed on your lap as you waited for this attack to be over.

"This isn't an attack. I'm not trying to hurt you," he murmured—in your fucking head again. You winced at the mental intrusion as he rebalanced his weight, still crouching in front of you. "I'm not, Kitten. I'm not even judging you. I'm trying to tell you that I get it. I get you. I get that beneath all your defense mechanisms, you yearn for stability, just like you did as a child. Because deep down, I know that's all you are. A scared, lonely little girl desperate to stop running, desperate for someone to grab her hand and show her the way to safety."

You closed your eyes, waiting for impact as the last of his words slammed into you. But before they could cut you deep, you felt yourself shut down. Cold and detached, just as you had learned to do when you were a young girl. And as you acknowledged this process, watching the truth slide off you and fall flat to the floor, you realized you were proving his point. And you hated yourself for it.

Kylo said your name. "Look at me."

Squeezing your eyes shut even tighter, you shook your head no—just like a child.

He leaned forward and took your chin, cupping it with his warm hand until you opened your eyes. He spoke softly to you, but his gentle nature did little to soothe your pain. "Ah, there we go," he said, his eyes sweeping the length of your face before making eye contact. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

His tenderness, his attentive gaze...it threatened to break you, to climb over the walls you'd constructed and crawl under your skin. Your chest rose and fell unsteadily as your breathing picked up, that little girl inside of you screaming to get out, to go to him, to let him hold you like he did in the medbay. But you didn't know how to let her out. All you could do was give him a nod. "You're right," you whispered. "Everything you just said, you're right."

Surprise flitted across his face, but he composed himself just as fast. He was quick to reach for your hands in your lap, giving you a tight squeeze. "You don't have to hide from me," Kylo said with urgency, adding your name. "Show me everything—the good, the bad, the ugly. I can handle it. I can handle you."

Tears blurred your vision. "No, you can't."

He shook his head, refusing to take no for an answer. "Kitten, listen to me. You're afraid because you've tried opening yourself up to other people, but it scared them away. I'm not other people. I'm not Drox."

You looked away from him, hair falling in your face. "Please don't say that name."

"Stop that." A rough hand clamped around your jaw, forcing you to face him. "Stop hiding from the truth. It doesn't change what you saw earlier today. It's time to face it. Face what you've been replaying in your head all day."

You jerked back from him, trying to twist off the bed. "No."

Still kneeling at your feet, Kylo planted his hands on both of your thighs, keeping you fixed to the spot. He moved his head in sync with your movements, trying to get you to look at him as he continued to push. "Think about it. See it in your mind, Drox stumbling into that alleyway, buckling his belt. You know, from that red door, the one without an exterior keypad? Picture it again, Kitten." He paused for a moment, waiting for the painful memory to resurface. "Ah, yes—that one. Very good. Do you know what that place is? I bet you do."

The tears came steadily now. Angry, hot, and unforgiving. You didn't want to say it, but it came up your throat like stomach acid, burning hot and bitter and spewing through your lips before you could stop it. "Drox was in a brothel."

Kylo nodded fervently, his fingertips digging into your flesh. "Yes, yes, that's right. He was at Pryka's Pleasure House. While everyone else in the Resistance was doing their job, he took it upon himself to be selfish, to fuck someone else, even though he's already spoken for. Even though he already has you."

You adamantly shook your head. "It doesn't matter, we're in an open relationship, we—"

"Enough," Kylo demanded, voice full of so much authority, it sobered you up, just a bit. "You know it matters to you. You didn't want an open relationship. You only compromised because you wanted someone to love you. But Drox doesn't love you. He didn't care if you were alive or dead. He was too busy fucking a complete stranger, not giving a shit about you and—"

Before you could stop yourself, you slapped him across the face.