the same pages

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keep my emotions locked
pocket the combination
hold onto that tiny piece of paper
only tempted to bring it out when desperate for validation

an obligation
to my own sanity
i've endured this custody
i've endured this sentence

this contingency
that requires existing unhappily
consistently for an extended period of time
a warranty

an unwarranted need
to adjust my perception
fluctuating levels of resentment
based on introspection
and self assessment

a visceral need
to know who i am
not in relation to others
but as myself

neatly curating myself
for the consumption of others
to become the prettiest painting on the wall
instead of the unread book on the shelf

crack the seal
finger down my spine
turn the pages
unclench my fist
release the paper

it's all the same
i am the same
simultaneously ever changing
time is passing slow then fast
but nothing is ever changing

hope for something worth the rage
the time
the effort
the pain
it's all the same

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