he sighed, "no tak, i just said that."
right, he did.
"if it were me, i'd feel a little disconnected from you if you were with someone else all the time. especially it were.. well me."
"because you're gay?"
"yeah." i said.
"i don't get it. why would she be upset because i'm hanging out with a gay dude?" watching how clueless he was, it was hard to watch from my point of view. how could he not understand it? "if she has a problem with you simply because you're gay that's more of a reason to think she's not worth it."
"tank i don't think it's completely that."
he waited for me to tell him. i was so embarrassed that i had to even tell him.
"she probably thinks that i like you." i finally told him.
he looked around stupidly after i said that, laughing. he mocked her too. saying that she shouldn't assume that i liked him just because i was gay. i wasn't upset that she thought that i liked him. i was upset that he had no idea that it was true. i didn't like him, i was in love with him.
may 19th, 2014
freshman year was coming to an end. i was also in the spring musical that year. i wanted tank to be there for it so he could see me perform since i got one of the lead roles. i was walking to his locker after the last bell rang. but then i realized his locker was surrounded by jocks that tank was friendly with. my chest was heavy, and i knew it was a bad idea to even try to approach him. but i did. "get lost." they told me as i were 7 feet away from them. "i need to talk to him." i said, pointing at tank. the expression printed across tanks face told me that he had to be embarrassed of me entirely. they laughed at me, tank just stared not saying anything. "about what? a school project? get lost fairy." the entire time i stared at how tank did nothing to help me. his carelessness hurt me more than these idiots words.
"it's important to me." i said looking at him only.
one of the jocks pushed me against the locker. there was nothing i could do because he was tall and had to be a junior or senior. i wanted to cry, but i didn't want to come off as vulnerable to these jerks. "i told you to piss off twice moron. don't you have homework to study? or is your mom too busy getting your hormone pills instead of picking you up?" i spit into the guys face, saying "fuck you," which just caused him to hit me against the locker harder that time. he yelled at me still. i couldn't be bothered with the situation anymore, i kneed him in the crotch and made my escape out the front doors of the school.
i knew they were after me, but i didn't look back.
i ran home as fast as i could, barely able to see from the tears pouring out of my eyes.
when i got home, i continued crying in my room with the doors locked because my mom wouldn't like to know why i was crying so much. i thought that tank would have my back no matter what. i guess his reputation meant a lot more to him at that time.
that night, tank did knock at my window. i didn't wanna let him in because i was still hurt about what he did.
i could hear him sobbing outside the window, calling my name. he sounded like he was choking on his own tears. as much as i wanted to feel bad for him and open the window, i still felt like what he did to me was worse. but he continued.
"i'm so sorry please understand i didn't know what to do." he'd say, or "it was a mistake," or, "you're my best friend takeo please open the window."
i never opened the window. i fell asleep while he was outside.
5.) My boyfriend Tank
Start from the beginning
