Whole, Part 2 (a Mass Effect fanfiction)

We Need Shepard

Shepard was always astonished and saddened by just how many people the Illusive Man managed to get his hands on and turn into Cerberus guys, as Joker called them. These were once people with families, friends who cared about them, and Cerberus had turned them into nameless interchangeable weapons. As a leader of soldiers, Shepard found that tragic—and also short-sighted. Individuals fought better when they were respected, she'd found. It was no wonder that Cerberus lost so many battles. Once their initial assault failed to overwhelm the opposition with sheer numbers, any intelligent, targeted defense could win against them.

Kaidan hadn't been with them for as many Cerberus fights as Shepard had been involved in. He looked around at the carnage with outrage. "How can they afford to lose this many troops?"

"Cerberus employs Reaper technology on captured civilians to create functional shock troops quickly," EDI replied.

"Captured? You mean he doesn't give them a choice?" Kaidan shook his head. "I thought they were just scared and looking to the Illusive Man for help. This is ... awful. Cerberus is awful."

Shepard froze, waiting for the return of his harsh judgments against Cerberus in general and her for ever working with them.

EDI was busy at the lock of another door. Without disrupting her work, she glanced at them over her shoulder. "If you would like evidence that Cerberus isn't always awful, that console contains data you may find interesting."

Shepard tapped the keypad, bringing the screen to life. It showed a still of a man talking to the Illusive Man's hologram. "What am I looking at?"

"Project Lazarus. Your reconstruction."

"Oh." A chill went through her. She wasn't certain she wanted to see this—but she did have some curiosity, and Kaidan should probably see, as well. Shepard pressed the button, and the video came to life.

The man on the screen was protesting that it couldn't be done.

"We're not losing Shepard," the Illusive Man insisted.

"Sir, Shepard is clinically brain-dead. After that much trauma, that long with no oxygen ... We cannot overcome nature."

She remembered her helmet, how scorched and dented it was. She had assumed it had protected her somehow.

The Illusive Man wasn't taking no for an answer. On the video, he brought up Miranda's name and put her in charge of the project.

The video ended. Kaidan took a deep breath. "I didn't realize it was that bad. I thought you were just on life support. Clinically brain-dead ..."

"Looks like."

"What was it like? I mean, if you remember ... How did you feel?"

Shepard didn't remember. Not any of it. "I don't remember anything," she admitted, her voice hoarse. "Sometimes, I—sometimes I think I'm just a high-tech VI who only thinks it's Commander Shepard. But I don't know, I ..."

"I doubt you'd have been able to turn against Cerberus if that was the case." Kaidan's hands closed around her upper arms, pulling her back against his chest. Awkward in the hardsuits, but she appreciated the gesture anyway. "You're real enough for me."

Juniper leaned back against him, closing her eyes. Kaidan reached around her and played the second video.

The same scientist was reporting to the hologram again. "Tissue regeneration is proceeding. The helmet kept the brain intact ... for whatever good that will do."

"Lawson will find a way," the Illusive Man told him confidently.

"Sir ... Shepard's an Alliance soldier. As far as she knows, we're a terrorist organization."

The Illusive Man snapped at him, "I'm not looking for a dance partner. We need Shepard, and Shepard needs resources. She'll work with us."

She had, too, Shepard thought. He had judged her correctly.

"He knew you well," Kaidan said.

"The Alliance wasn't listening. What the hell was I supposed to do? Sit and wait? Cerberus offered me a way to do something, to try to stop this nightmare before it began. Maybe someone else wouldn't have taken it, but I had to."

To her surprise, Kaidan didn't move, his arms still around her. "You were trying to protect the galaxy. I know that now. You didn't have a choice."

Relief rushed through her. His disapproval of her work with Cerberus had been a shadow between them ever since Horizon. Now maybe next time they were together, those clouds would be gone.

She hit the button and played the third and last video. The scientist was speaking with surprise: "Project Lazarus is reporting neurological activity. They're requesting more funding."

"Granted," the Illusive Man agreed without hesitation. Shepard wondered how much she had cost him, when all was said and done. He didn't seem to have cared. On the screen, he went on, "Get me our potential recruits file. Shepard will be up soon; we need a crew."

"Our existing forces should be more than sufficient," the scientist protested.

"No. We need sympathetic faces. I need Shepard invested. Tap Kelly Chambers and recruit Donnelly. I imagine Miss Daniels will follow. And we'll want some old friends as well. Contact Dr. Chakwas, and send me the psych profile on Shepard's pilot."

Shepard gave a sidelong glance at EDI, who seemed fully occupied with unlocking the door. Had she been designed with Joker in mind? If so, the Illusive Man had both succeeded and failed beyond his wildest dreams.

Kaidan's arms tightened around her. "He used people you trusted as a shield to keep you from seeing what Cerberus really was."

"He did—and he didn't. I knew what they were; but I also knew that they offered me the only chance I had. I would do it again, if I had to." She turned in Kaidan's arms, looking him in the eyes, needing him to understand.

"I know. And if I'd known then what I know now ... I wouldn't have blamed you."

It might or might not be that simple, but it was enough. Especially for now. Shepard kissed him lightly and removed herself from his embrace. "Are we ready, EDI?"

"We are clear to proceed."

"Good. Then let's get this done."