When We Happened

Chapter 17: New Opportunities, Old Life

Uhh... what?!

Humarap ako kay Sir Simon at nakita ang malaking ngiti sa mukha nito. "What does that mean?"

"That means they want to manage your international modeling career, Asher," he said to me with a proud smile on his face.

My brows furrowed in confusion. Teka lang! "Isn't that what you're doing for me? Diba, that's the contract I signed with TMA?"

"Yes, hija. But TMA can only handle you here in the Philippines. We haven't branched out overseas," paliwanag nito. "This is a huge deal, Asher. You should consider it."

Teka lang kasi! "When you say 'overseas', it means sa ibang bansa, right? Like international modeling scene?"

Sabay-sabay silang sumagot para sa akin. "Yes!"

"But I'm just getting started dito sa Pinas. How did they even find me?"

Inabot pabalik sa akin ni Miss Karel ang phone ko. "It says here that they saw your ABC Cosmetics ads," paliwanag nito. "They were impressed by you, Asher. They want to schedule a meeting with you. ASAP."

And like the dumb person that I am, I had to clarify. "Meeting... like in person? They want to fly me there or to a virtual meeting lang?"

Nagkibit-balikat ito. "I don't know. That's why we have to reply na."

"Paano 'yan? Last week pa sila nag-message."

Umiling ito habang nakangiti pa rin. "Walang expiration sa mga ganito, Asher. You have to take this, you have to fight for this opportunity."

Tinignan ko silang lahat isa-isa at nakita ang malalaking ngiti sa kanilang mga mukha. Nag-uumapaw ang excited energy dito sa conference room. I feel a little bad in bursting their bubble right away with my skepticism.

"I know, but can I think about it first?"

Sir Simon flashed me a warm smile, it's almost like his eyes were saying that he understands my hesitation. "Of course, hija. This is a big step to your career, you really have to think about it and I commend you for that."

"But you want me to take it, right?" I asked as I watched him stand up and come close to me.

"I only want you to succeed, Asher," he said as he gently patted my head. "And I'll be there every step of the way, hindi kita basta-basta iiwan sa ere, I promise."

***

In another life, I would be at the Olympic Village today getting ready for the opening of the Rio Olympics. But here I am in my bed, staring at the ceiling and worrying about a new career that I didn't feel like I deserve.

Instead of practicing my serve with my old coach, I was being grilled about my social media accounts yesterday. Instead of speaking to sports analysts and reporters, I now get interviewed by teen magazine editors and press people from the show business.

I don't feel like I deserve all the opportunities that come my way.

I don't feel like I didn't earn this career... because I know I haven't worked hard enough for it like what other models have done before me.

I mean, I'm just starting out. Wala pa akong 6 months na ginagawa 'to and I am getting these opportunities na ipakikipag-patayan ng mga models na matagal na sa industriya. Kumbaga, marami pa akong kakaining bigas, marami pang oras ang kailangan kong gugulunin dito.

Alam kong hilaw na hilaw pa ako sa profession na ito.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I like what I'm doing now, but it's just that... my heart is still longing for tennis. In my mind, I feel like I should've been there right now at the Olympics, representing my country. I should've been there because I worked my ass off my whole life to be an Olympic-level athlete... but goddamnit, I fell short.

Instead, life pushed me to go to a different path.

I guess I really haven't really let go of tennis. Because by now, I know I should be focusing on modeling already. I should be saying yes to every opportunity that comes my way. But what can I do? This deep, deep sadness about my old life just comes and goes.

Modeling came easy to me, somehow. Maybe that's why I am struggling with accepting it as my main career now.

When I'm modeling, it doesn't feel like I'm working. Sisimangot lang ako at magbibigay ng weird poses, they'd give me praises

It doesn't feel like I worked hard enough for everything that I have right now, every single thing that came from my modeling felt like something I didn't worked for. Sobrang kabaliktaran sa tennis dahil sa sobrang dami kong sinakripisyo para sa sport na 'yun.

Literal na oras, dugo, at pawis. Binigay ko lahat sa tennis. Buong pagkatao ko, ibinigay ko sa tennis. Abot-kamay ko na, inagaw pa sa akin ng tadhana. I was so close to it...

Yeah, maybe that's it.

Or maybe, I'm just truly fucked in the head.

Maybe I should really go to therapy.

I sighed as I rolled over my bed. I was about to close my eyes when my phone screen lit up my dark room. Without thinking, my hand just grabbed it and my eyes squinted to read what's on the screen.

It was a text message from Yap.

From: Yappie

Let's talk.