Can I Kiss You? [ JENLISA GXG ]

02

Lately, Lisa keeps feeling like she's on the edge of something, something big, but she just doesn't know what the hell it is.

It's nothing.. really - probably. Lisa thought more so to convince herself while twisting and turning in yet another sleepless night.

But she thinks of Jennie's caring nature and how Jennie's eyes are the prettiest she's ever seen and it makes her heart flutter all weird. Lisa knows this isn't nothing, that she's never felt this particular way so strongly, so she worries about what it is or what it could mean. Even more than that, she worries of how Jennie might react.

She tries to remind herself that Jennie's not the type of person to be weirded out with things like these, and probably wouldn't act any differently. Yet the thought of Jennie knowing scares her, the thought that maybe Jennie's noticed something's up while Lisa herself still isn't sure about anything.

She worries with no answers of what it could be or what could happen. She worries in fear and confusion. These feelings make her uncomfortable, but simply wishing them away isn't working.

Lately, Lisa can't help but reflect on her and Jennie's recent interactions, trying to figure out what changed or what's new. That moment when Jennie grabbed her arm before Lisa left the after-party-Lisa's face keeps heating up whenever she remembers it, and right now is no exception.

That moment felt so natural, a simple action that happens between them constantly. Worrying and caring for one another. It should be normal, it should make her feel happy that she's met someone who loves her and wants to make sure she's okay.

Yet it leaves her with an overwhelming sense of confusion when that happiness feels far too strong, like things could change at any moment and fear serves as protection that keeps her in her lane.

So long as she ignores it, maybe things will be fine and nothing will change. Despite Lisa being spontaneous by nature, she felt predisposed to shy away from anything too dramatic right now. Especially since she wasn't even sure what these, these emotions meant.

For now, the only answer Lisa had to get on by was that she had been anxious about their debut and maybe somehow, in some freakish way, Jennie reminded Lisa about all their hopes for this dream and how they might not make it in the end. That would still be a valid theory, minus the fact that Blackpink's debut has already passed and that they've risen into fame faster than they even dared to dream they would. It's getting harder to believe her best excuse.

Lisa laid in her bed, exhausted because of the long day but more so mentally tired. In the room's darkness, she vaguely recalls that they have about four hours before they need to wake up and keep working hard, four hours until another day could begin, yet Lisa just didn't have it in her to continue pretending anymore that all of this anxiety was directed towards idol-hood. She wanted an answer, an actual one, but everything came back to Jennie and how lovely that girl is. And right now in the middle of the night, she might as well try figuring it out.

Lisa tries to muffle a giggle that suddenly occupied her tired little heart. She's not sure why thinking back to her and Jennie's interactions fills her with such anxious happiness, but she figures it's best to avoid waking up the other members on accident, hence why she's trying to hide her current insomnia. Still, she couldn't help but give the darkness of her room a lonely little smile.

The world doesn't deserve Jennie-unnie. Even I don't deserve her.

Some time passed, Lisa continues twisting and turning in her bed in the attempt to somehow exhaust herself into sleep.

What is this feeling...? Lisa thought but couldn't think of an answer.

She knew that she wouldn't find an answer anytime soon, especially in the darkness of the night with too much sleep-deprivation in her system to function properly.