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49. Gifts

"Do something." Jaemin begged, but not so innocently. "I won't remember, I promise."

To think that Jaemin wanted to feel something extremely wild while he was not in his right mind, made Jeno more broken than he already was. The way he said he wouldn't remember anything was more messed up the more Jeno thought of it.

Was Jaemin that hurt? To the point where sex was the only option he had in his mind?

Something he wasn't even ready to do. Jeno knew and he was fine with waiting for it.

Making love was not the cure for that pain and Jeno didn't know how to say it out loud.

"How about this?" He asked at last, guiding a hand up to Jaemin's face to caress his cheek. That stopped the kissing and licking. "We can talk about it tomorrow and do it if you actually like it, hm?"

He hoped that was enough.

Jaemin made a sad face. "I do like it now. I like it. I want... I want it so much..."

"Yeah?" Jeno smiled. "Then we can do that later, okay?"

"But... But I won't say yes tomorrow... I know-- I wouldn't like it tomorrow..."

He wouldn't like it because the Jaemin he knew would not do anything he didn't like just because he wanted to make the pain go away. This drunk version was not his Jaemin.

"You like it, don't you?" That came as a whisper.

Did he?

"I do." Jeno said honestly. "But what matters is, do we like it? Because if you don't want it, we won't do that. If I don't like it you wouldn't want it either."

Jaemin blinked few times and Jeno thought what he said was too much for Jaemin to understand at the moment.

"Let's go to sleep, Nana." He offered, feeling defeated. "I'll be right next to you."

A moment passed and Jeno wished to stay that way for the rest of his life. Quiet and still. Only them. Holding eachother.

And then it went down again.

"Why can't you just touch me?" Jaemin asked, tears forming in his eyes. "Can't you see? I'm-- I-- I'm asking. I want it. This is the only way."

Please don't cry.

"I know, Nana, I know." Jeno said as softly as he could. "What I'm saying is, you can ask tomorrow and I'll say yes. How about that?"

"You don't get it."

"Jaemin-"

"If I do it tomorrow, I'll say no."

"Its fine either way-

"No, its not!" for a change, this time Jaemin pushed away at his own will. He looked betrayed. "You-- Why are you like this?"

"Like what?" Jeno asked, hiding the panic in his voice.

"He wasn't like this." He sounded confused. "He wasn't like you..."

"Who- Renjun?" He shouldn't have mentioned the name but whatever.

Jaemin shook his head, standing still like a doll. If not Renjun, then who?

"Mom's husband." it came out too quietly that Jeno had to take a second to admit that he actually heard it. "You aren't like him."