Wonderment (BL)

Chapter Twelve

"Sorry, mate. It's true," he shrugged.

"That's why he got so upset. He's jealous," Violet explained.

"Silas likes me?" I was in complete disbelief.

"Yes!"

"Romantically?"

"Yes, Ryan!"

I didn't believe it. They had to be mistaken. Silas liked me? No way. He could have anyone he wanted, anyone at all. He was so amazing, and so handsome, and so funny. He was, like, the most amazing person on the planet. There was no way he would pick me. I was no one special. I was nothing. There wasn't even anything about me for him to like.

Violet and Josh could see they hadn't convinced me.

"We've known he liked you for a while," Violet continued. "He didn't want you to know. But then things changed, you realised you really liked guys, which gave us hope."

"If that's true-" I didn't want to even entertain the idea, but Violet seemed insistent. "-Why didn't he tell me?"

My face flushed red.

Oh shit, wait. I asked him ages ago why he didn't date, and he'd said something about it being because of someone he liked, right? I hadn't believed him, why would I? But could he have been telling the truth?

"He wanted to. But you were interested in someone else, and he didn't want to get in the way. We tried to warn him," Josh rolled his eyes.

We were all silent for a moment while I processed everything.

I didn't believe it. How could I? It was complete rubbish. But it did, sort of, kind of, maybe explain Silas' behaviour, better than anything else I'd been able to come up with. If I thought back to what Silas had said to me... it did make sense... but still...

"So, how do you feel about him?" Violet asked me.

"I... I don't know. He's my friend," I frowned.

"So if I kissed you right now, you'd like it just as much?" she asked sceptically, arms crossed over her chest. A flash of an image of me kissing Violet popped into my head. I shied away from it.

"No, of course not." I could barely picture it, it was too weird, like kissing a sister or something. So gross.

"What about if I kissed you?" Josh asked. "I'm a guy. Are you interested?" Again the flash of an image. I screwed my face up in disgust.

"No way. I don't feel that way about you, you're my... friend." It hit me like a freaking freight train. Oh... well shit.

"So why is it okay to kiss Silas? Isn't he a friend too?" Violet smiled. She knew she was finally getting through to me.

It was fine with Silas because I liked him, romantically. I was physically attracted to him. I wanted to be with him.

"I'm such an idiot," I groaned, dropping my face into my hands.

"You both are," Josh laughed.

I'd made such a mess of everything. Silas hates me now, and I deserved it for being so damn thick. I'd messed him around without even knowing it. Everything he said was true. Why hadn't I realised sooner? I wanted to date Silas, not Joel. It was him, it was always him. Not that I didn't like Joel, but with Silas it was so much more than just nice. With Silas it was amazing.

"You've always been slow when it came to relationship stuff, it was part of your charm," Violet consoled. "We tried so hard not to meddle. We wanted you to figure it out for yourself, when you were ready, but it's gotten so out of hand now. It doesn't help that Si is so damn stubborn."