Lost

Chapter 1: Cordelia

      It was just after dinner when I started feeling lost again. The feeling surrounded me, the feeling of being out of place, lonely. I couldn't help but stare down at my dish, pushing my food around aimlessly, thoughts wondering.
    "Cordelia, what has your father told you about playing with your food at the table? The servants carefully prepared this food, unless you think your arranging is better?" my mother scoffed in my direction from her spot at the table. Father sat at the head of the table, as always, my older brother across the table from my mother next to him. My oldest sister and I were next, followed by the youngest two, Arley and Trinette.
    Ian, my brother, elbowed me in the arm as she scolded me, hitting the biggest bruise on me, however, he didn't know that. I hissed out in pain, nobody noticed.
    "Cordelia if your father were here, you know how much trouble you'd be in, you're lucky I'm going easy on you." Which was true, I would be in quite a bit of trouble if they knew exactly where I was disappearing off to every night when they think I'm asleep, but they don't, nobody does. They, just like everyone else who's noticed the emptiness in my bed, think I'm cooped up in the library reading, but, I am not.
    As I excuse myself from the dining table I lift my dress, brushing it down with my hands, and quickly, and as gracefully as I can, make my way to my room, on the opposite side of the castle. Up the stairs and in and out of long winding corridors I wander until I finally reach the plainest door in the castle, made especially for me. My disdain for that has dissipated a little growing up, but I've always wished for more. It isn't the pain door, or a dozen copies of the same plain black and gray dresses that line my vast closet, it's more of the thoughtlessness that went into planning it.
    It is my belief growing up that I was my parents' realization they weren't going to have another son. As soon as they found out I was not of their preferred gender they seemed to have given up on me completely. Raising me not to be the best and most life-changing princess I could've been but the mistake that I am. The failure of my missing Y chromosome seems to have haunted me my entire life, and perhaps the entire reason they finally realized that I go into the dark for ben forest me and my siblings aren't allowed to venture into for any reason, every night for the past four years.
    I sat gently on my bed, staring at the stars in the sky through my massive skylight. It was the one thing my parents did for me as a child. They did the bare minimum for me growing up, in fact, it was Rowen who essentially raised me as my parents focused all their attention on Ian. She made my bed, and cleaned up my messes, she helped me when I inevitably hurt myself, she did everything. It was then that I realized just how much I depended on her. She was more of a mother than the queen was.
    I tried and tried but nothing worked to impress my parents enough to love me. They loved Ian, and Ian only. That quite possibly could also be the reason Zaya is the way she is. Bitter, Jealous, and all the synonyms she was, because of them. She got so much less of their love than I did, being a year older than me.
After changing into my black and grey nightgown, I flopped onto the bed, just as the sound of footsteps could be heard coming in my direction from down the hall. The faint knock at the door could be heard following.
   "Good evening Cordelia, how was supper?" Her nice, welcoming smile I could feel from the other side of my massive room.
    "Good, as always," I smiled too, although knowing for a fact it was nearly as warm and truthful as hers always was.
    "I shall warn you that your parents have sent people outside your door for the night, to ensure you stay here. No more late-night reading I'm afraid." She winked as she ended the comment.
    "What a shame, I was almost finished with my book, and I left it there so I supposed I can't finish it tonight," I winked back, pulling a book out of underneath my mattress.
    "Oh dear, don't worry I'll make sure to save it for you, after all, I saw Arley eyeing it earlier. Have a good night Princess, I'll be in around 8 as usual." She set my newly washed blanket on my bed before walking out of my room, slowly shutting the towering door as best she could.
    A while after she had left, around midnight, I had changed into a shorter, knee-length, Verizon of my normal attire and begun my descent down the lower stories of the castle. Having done it this way for at least 2 years, I knew it well. Out of everyone in the castle, I probably knew the most ways to avoid guards at this time of night.
   Tip 1: wear dark clothing, easier for me as my clothes are black anyway. cover any light on you, like my skin for me.
    Tip 2: During the day scout out good routes. This includes stealing the castle map and guard posts.
    Tip 3: be as quiet and quick as possible. The faster the better.
   
    I grabbed a cloak from the very back of my closet and put it on, covering my arms and most of my upper half in ways my dress did not. After putting my black boots on, I opened my window as quietly as physically possible, just enough for me to slip out. I climbed across the roof to my balcony, hopping on it and off again on the other side. Shuffling farther and farther away from my room, I made it to the garden in the center of the castle. Using a tree I climbed down to the ground.
   I could hear footsteps coming, so I hid in a bush that was against the wall, making sure to cover every part of me, especially my bare legs. Fortunately for me, the guard passed quickly and I swiftly made it out of the castle walls.

   Into the forest I went, the fireflies lighting my way, almost a whisper calling me in.