Dancing with your Ghost

I shudder suddenly and realize that I have tears rolling down my cheeks, I sigh and wipe them. I can't cry, not now, not yet, I shouldn't cry. I start my makeup, I don't hide my freckles as I still remember him telling me

I love them!
Love what? I asked cluelessly.

I love the kisses angels gave you; they turned into stars across your face. 
He said and started pecking my face. I fluttered closed my eyes and let him do it.

Never cover them, yeah? I nod and lean in for another kiss.

We were under the covers in our most vulnerable state, we made love to each other for the first time then. 

Is this okay, he asked while kissing my cheeks carefully.
I nod while biting my lip, it hurt but I wanted to do this, I knew he won't hurt me, and I trusted him.

Okay, then he breathed and kissed me to distract me from the pain that soon turned into pleasure.

It was not lust nor was it a sex drive,

It was love, passion, and our desire, it was our trust, our warmth, our adoration for each other our LOVE for each other.

The first performance began and I could care less about it, my act is the last one so I have plenty of time before it to remember him, our memories together. I wear my air-pods and let the music drown me. The first song that played brought back memories, at this point in my life everything reminded me of him, his laugh, his giggles, his cute little pout, his everything...

I still remember the first time he sang for me it was when he proposed to me and asked me to be his boyfriend. I chuckle remembering old times the way he propose to me was quite a cliche, with the help of all our friends he proposed to me in the park, and me being the cheesy person I am was on cloud 9. He lit the path with numerous candles and scattered rose petals all around it, he sat on a chair at the end of the rose's trail, had a guitar in his hands, and the moment his eyes landed on me, he smiled, his eyes lit up like the little stars in the sky. He shook his head, took a deep breath, and started singing. I froze in my steps, his angelic voice filling my ears and his eyes locking with mine filled with pure love and adoration. There and then he got up, came towards me, led me to the circle, got down on one knee, and asked me to be his boyfriend. I squealed loudly, hugged him, and pecked his face multiple times saying yes over 'n' over again. He chuckled, put his guitar down, grabbed my waist, and pulled me closer. All the crowd went silent, our foreheads touched and we could feel each other's breath. 

"I love you," I said "I love you infinite babes" he breathed and connected our lips in our first kiss.

The song ends and I come back into reality, I wipe my eyes and chuckle at myself  "So I really can't keep from crying huh?" I ask myself as I look in the mirror. I could have cared less about my appearance but I want to look my best for Him. 

I know He would have loved it if I was happy while performing, so I am gonna make him happy.

I re-do my make-up, apply his strawberry chapstick and fix my hair a bit. He loved blonde on me, I still remember how he used to pat my head if I listened to him or how his touch used to calm me down when he stroked my hair.