Wonderment (BL)

Chapter Ten

I turned and half ran out of the door and down the side of the house out the gate.; tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

I barely paid attention to where I was going as I walked to the school. I wasn't going to make it in time to see Joel, and I was no longer in the mood, so I messaged him to cancel our plans.

My car was the only one left in the lot, because it was the weekend, it looked so alone and run down, and abandoned; it looked exactly how I felt.

As I hopped into my car, it began to pour down outside. I didn't turn it on right away, instead I sat there with my head against the steering wheel, listening to the downpour.

My phone buzzed a few times, but I didn't look at it. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now, and I definitely didn't want to go home. I didn't understand what had happened. I didn't understand why Silas was so suddenly upset. None of it made any sense to me.

I stayed in the school car-park until the sun set, and then finally drove myself home.

I felt sick as I walked through the front door and heard that my mum was in the kitchen, and I'd have to walk past to get to my room. I hesitated in the entryway, waiting to see if she'd leave, but it didn't seem likely. I hurried down the hall as fast as I could, hoping she wouldn't notice.

"Oi!" croaked a voice. I flinched, and then froze, dread washing through me. This was the last thing I needed right now. Turning slowly, I poked my head into the kitchen doorway.

"Where's my bloody bottle opener?" my mother snapped, not even looking at me. There was a six pack of bottled beer on the kitchen counter.

"I don't know," I told her, which was the truth.

"You did the dishes," she accused, rifling through the second draw. She must have just gotten home from work, and she already looked awful. Her hair was a mess on one side, her lipstick smeared, and her blouse was open too wide at the front, showing her bra. I tried to mentally block it out.

"I haven't seen it."

"Well find it," she barked, slamming the draw shut with a bang that made me flinch again. I moved into the kitchen and searched through all the draws and cupboards, but I already knew it wasn't there. It was probably in her bedroom, where she always kept it, but I wasn't about to point that out.

"Forget it, you piece of shit," she snapped after a few minutes. "You're useless." Then she grabbed a butter knife, the bottles of beer, and went to her room, slamming the door behind her. I sighed with relief and went to my own room, making sure to lock and barricade the door again.

Later on, after hearing my phone go off one too many times, I finally answered it. Josh had been trying to call me.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, is everything alright? You haven't been answering our texts." He sounded worried.

"Yeah, fine," I lied.

"We spoke to Sy, he said the two of you fought. Are you alright?"

"No." I felt a lump forming in my throat, and swallowed it down.

"What happened?"

"I honestly have no idea."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Nope."

"Okay." There was silence on the line for a bit. "Do you want to come and stay at mine tonight? Just the two of us?"

I took a breath to think about it. There was a thud from the other side of the house.

"Yeah, I do," I told him. I wanted out of this hell hole.

"Great. I'll pick you up in ten?"

"Sure." We hung up and I packed myself a new bag. I'd shower at Josh's, I didn't want to risk trying to shower here.

There was another thud in the house. Josh sent me a text to tell me he was here. I was tossing up whether to try to make for the front door, or slip out my bedroom window. I decided the window was safer and climbed out into the bushes outside. I closed it gently behind me, and then scrambled over the side gate. It was padlocked shut, and I didn't have the key.

Josh was waiting, like he'd said, with his P plates on his dad's old Ute, and I got into the passenger seat, tossing my bag by my feet.

"Get me out of here," I told him, and he obliged.

Josh didn't press me about the fight with Silas, he was good like that. Instead he kept me distracted and entertained with games and food late into the night, and then all Sunday, until he was forced to drop me back home Sunday evening.

I jumped over the gate, and slipped back into my bedroom via the window. I doubted my mother was ever aware I was even gone.

For once I wasn't looking forward to school on Monday, because it meant seeing Silas. He hadn't tried to message me, and though I'd wanted to message him, I hadn't known what to say.

I'd almost completely forgotten about Joel until I saw him first period English. He seemed excited to see me, however, which made me feel incredibly guilty. I managed to excuse my bad mood on lack of sleep.

Second period was Maths with Violet, Josh and Silas. I got there first and picked our usual spot, but I took a corner seat instead of a middle one. Violet and Josh entered, and both sat down with me, Josh on my left.

Then Silas entered, and the first thing I noticed was his hair; he'd dyed it black since I'd last seen him. He glanced over at us for a second, and then went to sit on the other side of the room. I buried my face in my hands. It hurt so much.

Josh put his arm around me, and Violet reached around her boyfriend to grab my hand.

"It's okay," he whispered to me. But it wasn't okay. It really really wasn't okay.

Silas didn't sit with us at recess. I found I no longer had an appetite. I was supposed to have Biology next with Silas, but I didn't have the stomach to face it, and so I ditched in my car.

Thankfully Chemistry I had alone, so I was able to drown myself in my schoolwork. And there were so many of us in PE that it was easy to avoid him.

It went on like this all week.

If it weren't for Josh and Violet, I don't know what I would have done. It felt like my world was crumbling away beneath me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

~

I'm dedicating this chapter to Tuquila1, who never fails to give me reason to continue to upload XD