Living the Dream

Five

     I set my last suitcase by the door as I speak to Morgan on the phone. "Uh huh," I say. "I'll be there at four in the morning."

     "Why don't you just come now and we can all go out! It'll be fun, we'll just get hammered 'n crash on the bus in the morning. It's practically tradition!" Morgan's whining on the other end of the line.

     "Naw, I'm gonna spend my last night here with Wes, but thank you for the invite!"

     "Boo!" Morgan yells. "Fuckin' loser!"

     "Why am I being peer pressured right now?" I laugh.

      "Alright, alright. You two lovebirds have a good night!"

      "You, too. Call me if you need anything. Be safe," I say, glad to finally get off the phone with him. He's been pestering me for ten minutes now trying to get me to come out with him and Hardy tonight. 

     "I will. Love you!" Morgan says. 

     "Love you?" I question. "You drinkin' already?" I laugh, my cheeks heating up a bit. That felt weird. 

     "Yeah, I sure am! I'm pumped up for this tour. Goodnight Natty!"

     "Goodnight Morg," I say, then hang up the phone before he can get me to talk to him for another ten minutes. I shut the ringer off and head to the bedroom, where Wes is already laying down with the TV on. 

     "You all done packing?" he asks. 

     "Sure am," I say. "Thank the lord." I slip into bed and curl up next to him as he shuts the TV off. 

     "I'm going to miss you so much," Wes says as he wraps his arms around my waist. 

     "I know," I kiss his forehead. "I'm going to miss you, too."

     "We won't even be together for Valentine's Day," he says. 

     "Let's not focus on it. We'll be okay. It's just another day. Every day is a holiday for us." I'm trying to make light of the situation like I always do, but it feels harder than usual. I truly am sad about Valentine's Day. It's my favorite day of the year. I love romance. I know this is an amazing opportunity for me, but every fiber of my being is telling me to just stay home. 

     The last couple of weeks have been hard. Between Wes and I recovering from our fight and Joseph betraying me, it's been an emotional roller coaster. I still hold a grudge against Joseph, but after a long talk with Morgan and Hardy I've chosen to take the high road. It's been a hard decision to grapple with because my first instinct is to try to get revenge, but I don't even know how I would go about doing that. I wish that I would have realized the easy way what this industry really is, but I guess the important thing is that I have learned my lesson. I'm going to make the most of this tour because I'm on a two album contract with this record label and after my meltdown with Joseph last week I'm not sure I'll get another. 

     "What are you thinking about?" Wes asks.

     "Just wondering if this career is for me," I say. 

     "I guess the next few months will answer that question," Wes says. 

     "Do you think I'm cut out for it?" I ask, looking up at him as I lay on his chest. 

     He hesitates, just for a moment. "I think you need to stop stressing yourself out about it," he says. I notice that he dodged my question. 

     I sigh and roll over in bed to shut the bedside lamp off. "Might as well just get some sleep," I say.