ᴍʏ ʜᴇʀᴏ ᴀᴄᴀᴅᴇᴍɪᴀ: ʏᴏᴜ, ɪ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴜʀs "ᴇʀᴀsᴇʀʜᴇᴀᴅ x ʏ/ɴ"

PART 5

            This was the hardest moment, from someone's life. The time where you have to grieve, in order for acceptance to creep in and later comes, the moving forward. I cried along with Takana-san as she continued to do so. When she fell asleep from exhaustion, my mom and I stayed with her, packing some of her stuff. "I'll sleep at Hina's room", I said to her.

            I sat down on the bed, memories of her, flooding in.

            "Hey! Don't touch that"

            "Come on, let's have a selfie"

            "Y/n, you are so weird"

            "Stop that, Y/n, you're going to ruin your look"

            "You look beautiful, okay? Don't let those puny insults get inside your head"

            I giggled as I stared into spaces of her room, examining every part. She was happy, what went wrong? I still couldn't pinpoint what could possibly drive her to suicide. I sighed and took a deep breath, taking the box that had my name and opened it. The contents were of my things she borrowed, things that she took, while the other were her things, given to me, like her music box. I scanned through the stuff inside the box and found her diary. Three of her diaries. She started one, only three years ago, when I told her the benefits of writing down your thoughts and feelings, knowing what you exactly feel, was refreshing – at least from my point of view. I stared at it, setting the three notebooks on her bed as I gazed at it. I took out the third one, her most recent and a letter had fallen out of it. "For Y/n", it said and my heart skipped a beat, but then pounded like crazy. A letter, she left me a letter. I immediately opened it, revealing her suicide note.

            Dear Y/n,

            If you're reading this, then I would most likely be 100% dead. I know I shouldn't say it that way, but that would be the truth. First of all, this may look like a suicide note, but it's not, it's merely my message for you, something I could never say out loud, so please, bear with me on this one and don't cry.

            For the past few days, I have been feeling, alone. It's not your fault, and please don't blame yourself, because it is not your fault. None of what's happening to me, is your fault, so don't blame yourself, because if you do, then I might regret what I'm about to do and I don't want to do that. I know it sounds selfish, but then again, it's my decision. I can be selfish if I want to.

            So, I have been feeling lonely and out of mind. I was bullied, again and again, people calling me a slut, just because guys would fall over me. Should I be proud of that? I shouldn't, should I? You know me well and know that I can take insults, but I just recently discovered, that I can't take that much. I've been so emotional and out of place that I feel like I'm going crazy. People are the worst, aren't they? But keep in mind, that everyone is not evil.

            I've been so tired, physically and mentally, that I've been wondering why. Why am I suddenly feeling like this? And every time, I would tell myself that it's just a phase and you would understand, I would suddenly just feel like it wouldn't do much good and that, it's not a phase, it's definitely an illness. There's definitely something wrong with me. I am constantly on my room, not leaving. Constantly crying for no apparent reason. Suddenly all drained with no motivation. Suddenly down, with no explanation. I've been missing out on a lot, but I just don't feel it, anymore. It's like I was shut down, all my emotions jumbled up and then gone.

            I wanted to tell you all of this, but I knew how you're in a difficult spot right now, with school and training and hero works, and I didn't want to be a burden. If you're reading this, then, I know you would tell me that I'm not a burden, but for me, I am. I feel like a burden. I feel like I am someone who shouldn't have been born. Sorry for a little confusing letter, I'm still confused on what I'm feeling right now, but I know I'm ready for it. I'm ready to be rid of this world.