The Kissing Booth: New Love

Alternate Chapter 29

I squeezed her hand.  "Don't worry about her, she doesn't know what she's talking about."  Elle didn't respond and I could feel her shutting down on me.  "Hey, do you want to head home?"  If Elle really was going to break down, I knew she'd rather be in private than on this beach with everyone around us.  I led Elle to the seating area beside the pool behind our house.  I wasn't sure who was hanging around our house today and I hoped I had a better chance of Elle opening up to me without an audience.  I sat in one of the lounge chairs that was semi-reclined and pulled Elle to sit in between my legs, leaning back against my chest.

"You know you can't let what that lady said bother you.  We got this."

"I know, but I can't help that think she's right.  I'm only 17. I can't vote, I can't buy cigarettes or lottery tickets. Hell, my Dad still has to sign my school permission slips to go on field trips. And I'm supposed to be responsible for a brand new baby? That scares the absolute crap out of me."

"I can buy cigarettes for you if you really want them although I believe smoking while pregnant is frowned upon."  I say, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Noah."  Elle chided, although I did catch a quick smile.

"You think I'm not scared?   There's not much about our situation that doesn't scare me." I kissed her forehead and squeezed my arms a little tighter around her. "Shell, you know you won't be responsible for our baby all by yourself, right? I'll be right there with you, by your side through all of this. My parents and your dad will be there too. You're not going to be alone."  

We sat together for a long time that afternoon, talking about everything that had us freaked out about having a baby. We both talked about the worries we had and realized that we felt pretty much the same about all of it. Once Elle started to feel a little better, I started telling her what I was most excited about. When we started talking about the happy side of things, I finally felt Elle start to relax.

Elle

This summer almost seems like the last chance for Noah and I to be carefree before all of our responsibility hits.  But really, I feel like the responsibility is already here.  I wake up every morning worried about what is coming.  Will I be a good mom?  What will things be like between me and Noah once we have the baby?  Will either of us regret our decisions?  Then, I feel Noah's arms around me and remember that we are in this together.  Much as I had when I was a kid, I felt like I could do anything when Noah was with me.  Those times when Noah would help me win in any kind of competition against Lee or when all of our friends were at the Flynn's and I would end up on Noah's team for whatever game of the week we were playing then.  Back then, I felt invincible whenever I was on Noah's team. I just had to remember that we're on the same team in this too and maybe that feeling would come back.

I know I freaked out the other day after someone commented on the beach of how young I was and I flipped out on Noah about how scared I was about what things would be like when the baby comes.  It's not only that, though, there's all this crazy stuff going on with my body.  I know Noah thinks my stomach is cute now with its little bump.  I'm scared, though, of what he'll think about it in a few more months when it starts getting huge.  Won't be so cute anymore.  And it's not just my stomach that's gotten bigger.  I try to not cave in to all my cravings but I was never really a healthy eater to begin with and now my energy level is so much lower that I'm hardly exercising.  So, I have gained weight in other parts of my body.  I'm just lucky that right now all Noah is focused on is how much bigger my boobs have gotten.  I worry what it will be like once the baby is here and he has some competition there that he will pay more attention to all the rest of the changes.  I worry about the stretch marks and not losing the weight fast enough.  Seventeen is too young to have my body ruined.  So, my mind continues to make me worry about my relationship with Noah.  I just worry he will someday regret his decisions to not only put college on hold but to stay with me because I know he'll stay now and I don't want that to be just for the baby.

I'd known Noah was all in with me and our baby from the moment I told him.  But, it was the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat when I realized just how much Noah was going to be there for us.  The week after we found out about the pregnancy, June scheduled a doctor's appointment for me. She went along with me and Noah right after school. I was nervous for the appointment, having no idea what to expect. I'm not sure I've ever seen Noah look more uncomfortable than he was on the waiting room chairs, surrounded by women in various stages of pregnancy. I was so thankful that June was coming in with us. The doctor was nice and explained everything - what I could expect, what I should be watching for, and my due date. We found out that I was already 8 weeks along, which meant that we would be able to have a sonogram.  When Noah started asking some pretty informed questions, June and I were both shocked he had any idea what to ask. Apparently, he'd been doing research about pregnancy.  After we finished with the doctor, June had to leave for another appointment and although she was disappointed to miss the sonogram, she wanted us to have a chance to see the baby for the first time together. She did make us promise to get some pictures for her. While Noah and I were waiting for the sonogram, I asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."  Noah responded automatically with a nervous smile.

I reached for his hand, squeezing it as I said, "You know, it's okay if you're not."

"All of this just makes me nervous. Excited for the sonogram.  Terrified for most everything else." He looked embarrassed for admitting he was scared of something. My Noah, always trying to stay strong and protect me from everything didn't want to admit that he was scared.

"Well at least we're on the same page then." I smiled at Noah, trying to get him to relax a little.

Noah finally smiled back at me. "Great, we'll be terrified together."

"I wouldn't want to be terrified with anyone else."

"Me either.  I love you Elle Evans."

"I love you Noah Flynn."  All of a sudden, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest and for the first time since I saw that my pregnancy test was positive, I felt like maybe this wasn't the end of my life as I knew it.  Maybe with Noah by my side, I could actually do this. 

I will never forget the way Noah kissed my temple while we listened to our baby's heartbeat or how he squeezed my hand when we saw the first images of our baby on that sonogram screen.  Watching Noah tear up through my own teary eyes made me fall in love with him just a little more.

And remembering that day with the two of us together and how I felt at that time, made me realize that we could do this.  There would always be people who would talk about me for getting pregnant so young, but I didn't need to let that affect me.  I just needed to concentrate on what was really important to me - Noah and our baby and our future together.