𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍 //𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝑲𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝑭𝑭//

~𝟱~

Her voice trembled as she spoke, and she couldn't make eye contact with any of the three males in the room. Chan knelt in front of her, his hand trembling with anger as he gently lifted her chin.

"Exactly. And why do you think I'm so mad at you?"

"Because I disobeyed a direct order."

A single tear rolled down her cheek from the fear, but she swiped it away quickly. She had experienced an angry male before, and she wasn't about to fuel Chan's anger, even though it was getting harder and harder to keep her demons at bay with every second that his angry gaze was on hers. He got up, his tall form towering over hers.

"I just wanted to-"

"To what? Get yourself killed? Put the team in jeopardy? Lose your only chance of keeping your job? Because if that was what you were going for, you're doing quite a good job."

He turned away and dragged a hand down his face as she let a few more tears fall, unable to stop them. Lee Know came out of the corner he was standing in, crossing his arms.

"Chan, I think you need a break. The both of you do. So why don't we let you both just calm down until tonight. Then, when you are both more clear-minded, we can continue this conversation."

Chan nodded softly and let himself get led out of his room, not once looking at Ava again. Changbin gently took her hands and lifted her out of the chair, leading her to her own room. When he let go, she closed the door, locked it, and took a seat between the pillows on her bed. A sob slipped through her lips, and she took in a shaky breath, trying to push down the rising lump in her throat. She knew it wasn't possible, the feelings were too strong to just push down. So, she let her head fall back against the headboard and let the feelings take over.

(First person, Ava's perspective)

I cried, not caring if anyone heard me. I cried, not caring whether the boys figured out my secret. I cried, not giving a damn if my demons consumed me again. In that moment, the only thing I could do was cry. There was a time when I heard a knock and Hyunjin's concerned voice ringing out through my door. I just ignored it and turned away from the door. I heard the handle jiggle, like he was trying to come in. After a few failed attempts, I heard him sigh and then what sounded like footsteps walking away from my door. It took about an hour for me to be cried out. By then the sun had just disappeared behind the horizon. I walked into the bathroom, the view in the mirror caught in my peripheral vision. I ignored it and got undressed, turning on the shower and getting in under the warm water.

...

When I was finished, I heard a knock on my door just as I walked out of the bathroom.

"Dinner's finished. You can come down when you're ready," I heard Changbin say, his voice muffled by the locked door. I nodded, almost like I thought he could see me.

I walked back into the bathroom, looking at my eyes. Luckily they weren't red or puffy, no sign on my face of the crying session I had just thirty minutes prior. I got dressed into my pjs, not really caring if the boys saw me in them. I walked down the stairs, feeling their gazes on me immediately. Hyunjin had probably told them about hearing me cry. I just brushed it off and took my seat at the table, them all following not too long after. The entire dinner was spent in silence; the boys probably too afraid of making me cry again, me too afraid of giving away how I felt. When everyone was finished eating, the only thing that broke the silence was the soft sound of water moving over plates and utensils. I finished as quickly as I could and ran up the stairs, needing to get out of the suffocating silence. I ran into my room, locking my door behind me. Not a second later, I heard a knock; the vibrations moving through my body as I leaned against the door.

"Ava, can I talk to you?" I heard Chan ask, and for the first time I noticed he had an Australian accent. I would've usually noticed sooner. Maybe it was because I was so scared and unsure. He sounded hurt, and I felt bad for him, but I wasn't quite ready to talk to him alone after that afternoon's events.

"Just you and me? Alone?"

"I have Lee Know here if you want him to join," he answered softly.

Instead of answering, I turned around and unlocked the door. The two boys standing before me both smiled, but they looked so sad. The guilt written on their features almost made me break down again.

"Come on in," I said softly.

I took a seat on the edge of the bed, waiting for them come sit with me. They both chose to stand instead, probably not wanting to make me uncomfortable.

"You know, you guys can come sit next to me. I'm not going to fall apart."

Chan looked like he was considering it but decided against it. There was a long silence, and Lee Know moved to put a hand on Chan's shoulder for added support. Finally, Chan worked up enough courage to come sit next to me. I turned so I could get a better look at him. His dark brown eyes looked slightly glossy with tears.

"I am so, so sorry for how I acted this afternoon. I guess I was just afraid of losing you even before you are a real part of the team."

I gently placed my hand on his knee.

"Can I be honest with you?" I asked wearily, to which he nodded eagerly.

"I was a bit afraid of you this afternoon, but that isn't your fault. Okay? And I completely understand why you acted the way you did. If I were in your position, I probably wouldn't have been able to hold back the way you did."

"I was just trying to protect you. When you ran off without even stopping when I yelled at you, I really thought you had a death wish. But much to my dismay, you handled it well. Please, just promise you won't do that again. I already have seven other guys who do that too. I don't need any more reasons to be grey when I grow old."

As he said it, he shot Lee Know a pointed glance before looking back at me. I giggled. He got up and I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. I opened my eyes to find Lee Know moping in the corner, looking extremely jealous. I stretched my hand out to him and he took it, letting me pull him into the hug.

"Thank you. Both of you. I really appreciate you."

I let go of the hug and they left, telling me to "get some sleep". I nodded, but as soon as I closed the door, my demons came rushing back in and I knew I wasn't getting any sleep.