Where Is The Edge

Chapter 18

"No, but today during my break, I ate at a Thai restaurant. There's only what I used for breakfast this morning," I explained, as if that would prevent what was about to happen. Somehow, I clung to expecting the best even if life showed me that it always ended terribly.

"The one thing I ask you to do! Thank you very much. Now, extremely tired, I'll have to do what you didn't do, after having had the whole damn afternoon," she rose from her seat, causing me to take a few steps back, and gave me a disappointed look.

I was trying my best to avoid the look she had just given me. I refused to accept the fact that I could not be what my mother expected, for she was insatiable with an ability to focus on the negative in me. If I had done the dishes, she probably would have complained about something I had totally forgotten because I had been too busy avoiding such complaints.

"Give me that, I'll do the dishes," I headed for the kitchen, having worked up the courage to speak to her.

"No. I can tell you think you deserve everything. I'm telling you, a mildly functional person your age would be living on their own by now, with a job and halfway through college," and here she was again, throwing in my face the fact that I was settling for a job at the local pharmacy. "I still give you a roof over your head, I work so much..."

"And I do what I can, but I should let you keep living the hell you chose!" I interrupted her, feeling the constant tightness in my chest lighten. "So many jobs I've looked for you, and you insist on working for that man, who by the way, you didn't deign to tell me he was my fucking father. You're resigned and maybe you're still there so you can have an excuse to manipulate me and make me miserable! I hate to break it to you but I am not responsible for your misfortune!"

As I snapped the last word, I knew I had made a serious mistake when I watched her freeze at my statement. I was ready to leave, maybe run out of the house. The December cold was less frightening than what was happening inside this warm house.

"Oh, I see you've hardened, little brat," she murmured with her teeth clenched.

"I-sorry... I didn't mean to talk to you like that." I whispered in fear and my eyes down.

"Let's see if you're as brave as you think you are," her voice was so calm and that's what scared me the most.

I finally shed tears in my eyes and shook my head quickly, filled with terror.

I saw it coming, I knew it the moment I saw her walk towards me, grabbing her cigarette that was resting on the edge of the kitchen counter. It was a new one, since it seemed recently lit.

I felt like a failure. Something that I had promised myself that I would not let happen again, was repeating itself. Lately, the infinite fear was manifesting itself through nocturnal revieres, and there was no more torturing pain than the one I felt when I had to live it in reality.

"P-please, I won't ever talk to you like that again," I whispered desperately with my face soaked in tears.

And without further ado, that cigarette sank into my skin, along with all the other marks that had already healed. I let out a scream.

No one would listen to because everyone preferred to ignore what was going on. She knew that, maybe that was the main reason why she kept doing this to me. I was her main venting source whenever she had a bad day at work, and I hated it. When did Christmas season became... this?