The Villain's Dejavu

Chapter 14: Why am I here?

Dila ask me while my head was still in mess. She was close to me and still like that time, she stared at me with that big round eyes and a face full of concern.

But I... I could not answer her back and only could stare at her.

Because to be honest, at this moment, instead of joy to remain alive, in my mind, i couldn't help but ask,

'am I gonna live that life again?'

The life where i was controlled like a puppet,

'and die like that time too?'

If so then, what use is me staying alive? if I'm just gonna die again, it doesn't matter now or later.

'isn't all of this useless?'

In that case,

'Should I just... kill myself now?'

Seriously, i had had this thought once, while i was still alive at that time, however, i couldn't die.

'There are so many occurrences where i try to kill myself before that final moment comes..'

but while doing so, i still ended up alive.

It's like there's a force that hider me from death.

'i even try to hang myself once.'

but the next morning i woke up, i was still alive and healthy.

'so in the end... i give up...'

And this time, even if i try to die again, there's no guarantee that it will be possible, isn't it?

'so what should i do?'

although i refuse to live miserably like before, there is no path other than that in front of me right now.

'...do my life mean to stay in the loop then?'

My face frowns as i reach those thoughts.

Dila then spoke,

"milord, you're sweating so much, if it's alright with you, I would bring you a water and towel to wipe you up..."

And like that time, she's about to leave to fetch all those things if i have just given her permission.

But my head at that moment only had this thought,

'i will nod my head again like before, isn't it?'

because that's what happen in the past, i was so sure that it will happen again this time,

However,

....*

no matter how long I wait for my head to move on its own while I still stare at Dila,

'hmm...why didn't it move?'

my head remains still.

'didn't it suppose to move on its own?-'

"milord???"

That's why I was so bewildered when Dila suddenly call for me, because in the past,

'this never happens...'

Dila called for me, it never happened that time, so this is new.

'and the fact that i didn't nod on my own...'

My mind was then lost in pondering,

'is this mean... it's like that time where i was about to be executed?'

The time when my puppet moment suddenly cut off on its own?

'then... did I break free from that curse since that moment?'

If that was the case, then, perhaps...

"...Dila..."

"-y-yes milord??"

Dila flinched as she hear my call, maybe because i never called her before, she appear quite shocked.

But i didn't realize it as my head is full of other thoughts.

'i did it!!! i could say something else like that time!!'

Or to be exact, my mind is celebrating my perhaps-freedom moment.

'amazing- i-i gain my freedom now!!! I'm free!!'

And this is something that is indeed worthy of being festive about. However, in the next second, my fear comes back to me.

'...b-bu-but... what if this is only temporary?'

It splashes cool water over my excitement.

gulp*

and all i could do at that time is gulp down my own saliva, feeling awake to that thoughts.

'what if-'

"mi-milord!!"

Feeling tucked on my sleeves, i woke up from my bad thoughts and glance at it before turning back to the owner of the hand that was holding onto my sleeves,

"Dila..."

"you don't look good, milord... i really should bring all that thing here, isn't it? i will go now and come back, milord, so please excuse me..."

Says her in one breath before escaping from my sight.

i then could only look at her in dazed.

'i didn't even give her permission though...'

But my mouth didn't utter anything to her to stop her. Instead, it remains shut as a creepy silent start lurks in and feeds me fear.

'...this is scary...but, she will come back like in the past, right?'

As my mind began asking such a question, all my worry from before vanished instantly. Right at this moment, my thoughts are just full of hope that Dila will come back here as fast as possible.

*****************

To be continued.