2:17

Sunset

"How was dinner, everyone?" Joyce asks a table full of full stomachs and empty plates.
"I tried a new lasagna recipe I found in a magazine, I hope it was good." Eight and a half months of living with this woman and I'm still constantly taken aback by how kind she is; planning so many little life details matched to the people she loves. You mention one time that you love lasagna, and she takes that as a personal challenge to perfect her technique.

A domino effect of "it was SO good, Mom" falls around the table, and fuck, that satisfied smile on her face is enough to make me want to clear the table for an entirely different reason, if ya catch my drift.

"Truly honey, it was delicious", I tell her after her eyes dart to me. The kids liking it was obviously her immediate goal, but lasagna has become, from what I can deduce, a love language of sorts between the two of us. It was the first thing we ate after coming back home, and Joyce is a person who values the emotional labor that goes into things, so lasagna is a perfect way for her to express that love to people. Hell, she even makes a double batch sometimes and takes one to the station for the guys down there!

Too bad you can't work because you can't stop having panic attacks

Ah, shit. Shouldn't have brought up the station. Fuck now I feel dizzy, but everyone is still at the table. Okay Hop you've gotta pull it together, you can't ruin another dinner.

"Honey? Honey are you there?? Hop, sweetheart?"

It's suddenly almost dark outside, the sunset is still there but it's a deep purple now. Shit, how long was I out for that one? Did the kids see it? Did I say anything?

"Hop, baby please talk to me. I got a "truly honey, it was delicious" and then you checked out. Don't worry, the kids had a movie to go to tonight so they left pretty quickly after they were excused. But you were out for almost 10 minutes, I'm fucking scared, Hop."

Before I can even formulate a sentence, "I'm afraid I'll never bounce back" falls out of my mouth. She's visibly shocked at my sudden vulnerability, but doesn't dare question it. That's my girl.

"I got thinking about work and how I can't do my job because I can't get better. I feel so lost and like a shell of a person. I can't sleep, any time alone with my thoughts turns into a war zone." Who is this guy?? Maybe the therapy IS working??

"Oh, baby.. I'm so sorry. Is there anything you need from me? How can I help you tonight?" Her soft face and sad eyes couldn't be more genuine, and I felt my heart pulsing with emotion. What I did to deserve this woman, I'll never know.

"I'm just excited to get some sleep tonight," I tell her, trying to manifest it. Maybe I can actually sleep if I tell her I want to.

"Well you're in luck, I finally put on those sheets we got from the Wheeler's at the housewarming party, they're Egyptian cotton?? The softest sheets I've ever felt, you're gonna love them!" Her excitement makes my cock hard, it never fails. Maybe tonight is the night, maybe sleep is coming. Maybe sunset will actually mean sleep. Sleep, sleep, if I keep saying it it'll come true. SLEEP.