Looking Back

2.

Am I seriously about to do this?

I'm sitting in my car outside of the local coffee shop debating on whether or not to get out the car.

I can't do this I hate him don't I?

It would only be fair for me to hate him. I mean like he left me without anything. Not a note or a text or even a wave. I slightly cringed at my wayward thoughts and chastised myself. There was no need for me to act like a bitter-ex because that was most certainly not what I was.

Even if I kinda sorta maybe wanted to be. Minus the ex part of course.

This is dumb.

I had no reason to even give him the time of day. I could be home sleeping in my nice warm bed or playing with my four month old pitbull puppy, Blu. There was a thousand other things that i could see myself doing at this exact moment that didn't involve being at a cafe with Cole Murphy. I need to leave and go somewhere else. However, I needed to do so in a manner that would not cause a scene outside of one of my favorite places and embarrass myself in front of god knows how many people. I could just drive away considering I had yet to get out of my vehicle.

A loud sigh forced its way out of my month as I realized that I'd already wasted my precious gas on the drive over here. As much as I'd love to just hightail my ass out of there I could practically hear my mother's voice telling me that gas isn't cheap. So, I decided to get out of the car. However, I couldn't quite bring myself to enter the cafe.

I hope he doesn't show that would make it significantly easier for me to-

"Hey Brandon!" I hear someone say from behind me. They were so close I could quite literally feel their breath on the nape of my neck. I jumped forward and turned around.

"Cole"

His name rolled of my tongue with ease and I couldn't help the shiver that ran down my spine at our close proximity.

"I thought you wouldn't come." He mumbles as he pulls me into an oddly comforting and warm hug while his hot breath fanned on my ear. I felt my hands twitch as I willed myself not to hug him back and sink into his embrace. As disgusting as i tried to make myself believe that it was the feeling was quite nice- not that I'd ever admit it.

"I...I just...um" I trail off as he dropped his head to my shoulder and started to nibble on my ear. The action was overtly intimate and not something that I thought should be going on outside a small cafe. It felt so good that I struggled to keep the moan that threatened to come out in.

This man was never my lover but here he was embracing me like I was his long lost husband.

"Can you stop please?" I beg. I weakly push at his chest as he leaves his head buried in my neck. I could feel the little self control I had slipping and it made me want to cry.

How could I be succumbing to my body's desires knowing how he hurt me in the past. All logical thoughts were just being thrown out the window by one simple touch. 

Disgusting.

"Do you really want me to?" He whispers seductively in my ear while wrappings his arms tighter around my waist and pulling me closer.

"No...yes" I say snapping out of the trance he put me in and finally gain enough strength to push him away. I quickly open the door to the cafe and  speed towards the counter to order a chai latte. It would give me enough time to collect myself before I need to face him again.

He looked a little taken aback when I pushed him away. Which made my foolish heart slightly clench. If anything I should of felt happy and smug about causing him even a small inkling of pain. After all he put me through he ought to feel something in retribution.