Just Married

18 - Just Reminiscing

"So," he started and then paused thinking of something to say. "Where'd you get that dress from?"

I slightly chuckled. "Sorry for showing up."

He drew his eyebrows together as if whatever he was going to say may have consequences. "No matter what, remember?" he murmured. "No matter what," he repeated.

"No matter what," I echoed.

Throughout our relationship even at our breakup, we promised each other that no matter what happened, we'd always be there for each other. Obviously that didn't really work out as planned since we did breakup anyways, but yeah.

"I'm scared of losing him, Ben," I suddenly blurted.

Ben's genuine laugh rang out into the night. "Theodore Hayes, yeah?"

"How'd you know?"

"Cora, we may have broken up, but we still go to the same school. I am not excluded from the gossip. Locker room talk, you know." Duh. "Look, I know you're here, but I'm not going to let you spill your guts to me. I think that it doesn't involve me-"

I interjected. "Yes, it actually does."

"Oh."

I explained Noel's deal with me. Ben looked livid. And he didn't really get livid. He calmed down in time. I had to make sure he wasn't going to go to Noel's house in the middle of the night to murder him.

I twiddled my fingers around, awaiting what he had to say.

"It's okay," he finally broke the silence.

"What?" I asked, startled.

"Whatever you decide to do, I support you. If you're okay with people knowing, I'm okay with people knowing. If you don't want them to know, I won't let anyone find out."

I took his hand, tears in my eyes. We sat there for a long time.

***

Flashback few years ago

"BEN!" I screamed. "BEN!" I couldn't stop screaming and crying frantically.

There was blood everywhere against the white floors, and I couldn't even think, the pain was too much for me. I kept screaming his name. I heard the sound of his feet pounding in the back of my head, but I couldn't keep up.

I felt arms around me, clumsy and confused.

"Cora, hey, hey, Cora, I'm right here. I'm taking you to the hospital."

I cried harder than I ever knew I could. "But it's not done."

"What's not done? Cora, we have to go."

Tears fell so quickly out of my eyes, even faster than the blood. I felt exhausted and completely alone at the moment, Ben didn't help anything. I wanted to pass out, but I couldn't. I felt Ben trying to position me to go out, but I somehow managed to stay in place.

My pants were now half strewn across the bathroom, completely bare from the waist down. The cramps in my back and abdominal began firing up then dying down and up again like a rollercoaster. The blood was thick and warm. I couldn't even look at it.

"Ben, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He didn't say anything.

I couldn't stop apologizing. In the middle of my panic and meltdown, I didn't realize we weren't in Ben's bathroom anymore. I was numb from everything and couldn't get myself to pay attention to anything, but Ben's steady arms around me. I stopped crying physically, but my body couldn't stop its tremors.

The last thing I heard before I completely shut the world out was something about miscarriage.

The following days after a few years ago

Ben never left my side the following week I recovered. I didn't even know the state I was in. I didn't even know I was pregnant. The nurses explained the situation to us, but I didn't pay any attention to it.

We didn't talk that much. All I knew was that I didn't want to see Ben during this time, but I couldn't let him go. We mostly laid together in bed. His parents weren't home when he got back, so he cleaned the mess up. I could tell he had a mental breakdown as he did. I will never forget what he had done for me.

I feigned sickness, which I kind of was and stayed home from school for a week. Ben didn't have much explaining to do except that he was just trying to be a good boyfriend to me. I was grateful for him. He remained calm and supportive. If he were to be anything but that, I wouldn't even know if either us would be here now.

I expressed concern about how we were going to cover hospital expenses without our parents knowing. He shushed me and told me he'd take care of it.  This explained why Noel knew. The money was borrowed from his family. How he found out is beyond me, but why he didn't tell anyone until threatening me now is just a whole new level for me my brain will never understand.

My feelings right now about Ben breaking our promise to not tell anyone about it were mixed. I couldn't be mad at Ben at all. We were so young and he did things for me that I could never repay him for.

We promised we wouldn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell Lana. It haunted me everyday, but eventually you recover from grievance. Lana knew something was wrong with me, but maybe the crazy look of pure sorrow in my eyes told her that this was something that she will never figure out. Ben stood better, but I could tell he was a changed man.

The days after that week were so hard for us, inexplicable. Things would never be the same for us. And it definitely showed, our friends concerned. After awhile, we broke up. Others were more sad about it than us, we were just changed.

I was sitting on his lap after school one day on his couch, the television playing some mindless movie.

"Maybe sex wasn't such a good idea," he said lightly.

"You were too good at it," I joked, a slight smile upon my lips.

"I love you, Coraline," Ben said.

"I love you, Ben," I said.

And that was the last day we spent together.

———

author's note:

1. I don't think that THANK YOU is enough for everyone who is still reading this now. Thank you though, you guys don't understand how much love and gratitude I have for all the readers out there who stuck by me.

2. It took me like forever to reread my own story, because I legit forgot everything about it, bc I'm a bad person.

3. I'm so sorry it's so short and bad (don't lie, I know how horrendous my writing is in this, I feel bad I'm posting it, but I don't know if I could do better), but it's been so long I wrote, I just needed a way to refresh.

4. Updates are still going to be sporadic. I might update tomorrow or a year from now. I don't know how many of you guys know, but writing is fucking hard. It really is.

5. I know I usually ask a question at the end of my chapters for you guys to answer, but I can't think of any right now, so please just leave me a comment about anything. I have read every single comment anyone posts SERIOUSLY, even though I don't respond to a lot of them.

6. I've been gone so long the format of wattpad has changed. I honestly don't like it lololol but oh well.

Be kind to others, be kind to yourselves. I love you guys <3