Whats happen to me while i was gone (why would you even read)

Such a uwu cute song that i deeply relate too🥺

It feels weird knowing that i'm writing to people on the internet right and they will just view this and continue on with their lives but lets get on to the things i wanna talk about since i wanna get shit of my mind and basically my overthinking problems that i just wanna type away and put my thoughts and feelings into it but i'm pretty sure we all know who died recently and that was alex (technoblade) i'm not into the dsmp or minecraft fandom at all like that anymore but it kind of affected me hard for some reason, lets just says it gave me a really horrible panic attack and i couldn't sleep because i had a mind set that i will die and not wake up tomorrow if i do, i guess i'm doing better now but i'm sick, i've been worrying about the littlest things that happen to me, if i feel little pain anywhere on my body the first conclusion i can think of is "Oh shoot, i either have cancer, a tumor or basically something that is so bad that i have to go to the doctor!" and that's been happening for a whole month now till the exact moment i'm writing this right now. I just want to go to sleep knowing that everything is fine, there's nothing wrong with me and that we live forever and death doesn't exist, well guess what? It does! and we can't do nothing about it of course unless some random smart scientist in the future can come up with some magic potion that can make you live forever or some type of shit like that, i probably won't be alive then to see it even if it does happen which to come to think of it sucks, and now i have something else to worry about to, all this shit, especially dying young before drinking, i'm going to try to cheer myself up with some things that are also happening in my life, I'm pretty sure my doctors i getting annoyed of me for coming in or calling them each month to complain about having cancer or any type of worse illness that can happen to me by the smallest feeling that happens in my body, boy my poor, poor doctors, in fact i'm even seeing them tomorrow too because i think i have some problem (again). The thing that's been causing me to over think almost every night would be just completely social media and mostly myself, social media has caused me to believe so many dumb things and it practically ruined my whole entire life, if covid, the internet, quarantine, any of these stuff didn't exist i'll be a normal human being right now but instead i worry about every possibility that can end up causing the death of me which is the worst, i've been seeing therapy ever since 2018 and for the start of it the only reason i went is because of my childhood trauma and how to cope with it because ptsd was hitting me hard back then, later on i was fine until fucking 2020 happenend and quarinting and all that shit (I'm too tired to write that word right) and once that whole mess started basically my life became a living hell AGAIN. After i stopped going to therapy on that day in 2018 i had to come again in 2020 because i was going through more stuff now, like depression and anxiety, the only good thing i can say is that i coped with it somehow but that doesn't mean i don't have it, now a days i have an anxiety attack for the littlest reason's in my life, my depression though isn't too bad but some days it can get to me, and it's been getting worse too, not to mention i'm on summer break right now and so far it's been bad, i'm sick all the time and have trouble sleeping almost every night, now i might even have amnesia for staying up till 5 in the morning or even accidentally doing all nighter by not even looking at the time, one minute it will be 10 pm and the next minute it will be 5 in the morning!! I'm honestly tired and i know people get worse then me but i'm actually suffering, i have to take pills too which helps me but its very hard to swallow and gives me a lot of pain but i really have no choice, my dumb ass self decided not to take it for a whole month and now im sitting here on my bed in pain with a heating pad on my stomach, I'm getting lost in my words now and i know if i don't stop i'll stay up the whole night writing this, it's only 2 am now and i want to make sure i actually get rest which i'm probably not, but damn at least i finally get all this out my chest, i know it's not gonna do anything and my only 5 followers would probably be the only ones who see this but it's nice to know at least someone looked at few of the words this random person wrote down since there too tired to read all of this and continue on with their lives, seriously though if i saw another wattpad post that's like this one i wouldn't read all of it and probably just skim through the words just to get a quick idea of what's it about, no offense to wattpad because they have really good stories but i still side with a03 more because they have all the good stuff there, anyways that's really it, stay safe out this and remember this world is a mess and seriously messed up in all the ways, speaking of which why the fuck am i writing this on wattpad.