AMOS TROTTER 11: THE SETTEE

THE SETTEE

With George gone I attempted to regain my composure the best way I knew how "What the heck you doing sneaking up on me you little twerp? Something as miserable as you popping up out of nowhere could give a guy a stroke you know. We need to get you a cowbell!"

"Bite me, Trotter! I didn't sneak up on you, in fact, I spoke your name before I even got to the seat. You were so zoned out a herd of stampeding buffalo could have gone by and you would be none the wiser. You taking drugs?"

"If there was a drug that would make you go away I would take megadoses!"

"You would be lost without me to keep you on the straight and narrow!" This made me laugh out loud. Patrick is the birthplace of trouble.

Beginning to calm, I did notice Patrick looked a little off-color. "You don't look so good Patrick, you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay." He replied. "I nearly died this morning."

"What are you talking about?"

"You remember we had boiled cabbage for lunch yesterday?"

"Yep."

"Then pretty spicy chili for dinner last night?"

"Yep."

"Well, by this morning it had digested itself into a deadly level of toxicity And, even though I tried to get up for breakfast early, I was just late enough to fall in behind the snail-paced gaggle of people in desperate search of even more fuel for the gurgling stomachs."

"So? You never get up early enough to get to the head of the line."

"Yeah, but, today all that gas from yesterdays swill was having to make its escape, loudly! I tell you, Amos, as I staggered along behind the Flatulent Fred's and Freda's it was worse than walking close to a large pond of giant bullfrogs. And, I'm not sure who it was but one in the herd could get a job as a cruise ship foghorn! My eyes watered, I got dizzy, I wanted to laugh! I finally had to just lean against the wall until the air cleared a little bit."

"Well, you moron. Why didn't you turn around and head the other way?"

"Dang Amos. Didn't think of that. But, with all that noxious gas my head wasn't too clear. Not all my fault."

"Your head is never very clear."

"See, you got it."

"Well, I can sympathize with them, Patrick. If I have been sitting a while I have to remember to give my butt-cheeks a little extra squeeze or when I stand I sound like somebody stepped on a dog toy."

"Well, that herd could have been elephant toys." Finally getting beyond the gas attack of Shady Rest, he said, "I heard about your grandson. He a keeper?"

"The best Patrick. I knew it from the first glance. He should be back for a visit soon and I can take him around and show him off."

"I'm excited, Amos. Just think of all the things we can teach him!"

"Give a lot of thought to just what you may want to teach him before you jump in Patrick. Remember you will have Chris to deal with, and after that me, forever!"

"Trotter, you bruise my delicate sensibilities!" And with mock indignation, he stood and headed in the direction of his room. No doubt to lie down and continue his recuperation.

******

I sat there for a moment, maybe waiting for some divine inspiration to pull me in one direction or the other. It seemed to often happen that way. If I just released the reins and allowed the cosmic winds to nudge me in the next direction, there would be some problem to be solved, a person in need to be helped, or just something fun to be done. I was getting better at turning loose.