COMPLETED Nellie Lovett (The Virgin Widow of Fleet Street) #Wattys2016 Sweenett

The Angels' Tears

"Nellie, you've grown up so beautiful!" An old woman greeted her in french ,it was the caretaker of the house.
Nellie smiled and embraced the old woman. It has been so long since she last saw her. The house is a property of her mother's parents. Since her mother was the eldest and had no brother, the house was automatically passed on to her. It was entrusted though, in her mother's last will, Nellie can only claim the house and a few thousand shilling by the time she had a child. She was already married to Albert when the last will was done, therefore it isn't stated that she had to have a son with Albert homself since that was what is already expected, but, that never happened, so when she talked with the lawyer who was taking care of the will and showed him the documents of Toby's adoption, he had no choice but to finally give her the full claim on this house. Technically, she has a son now, in fact she's having another child in 7 months.

Her parents were never wealthy nor were they poor, they had enough savings for their daily expenses, this house is say, just a bonus. When they acquired the property in Fleet Street 28 years ago, just 2 years before she was born, they never really thought of moving out of London for France, that was why even when her mother inheritted this house in this beautiful seaside of Le Touquet Paris Plage, just an hour and a half drive from Calais through a carriage, they never really bothered living in it.

Visited it a few times in a year, during special occasions and reunions, but no one has actually planned of occupying this house for good. Nobody from her maternal relatives wanted to settle down in the countryside. It was only her...and only now.

Elegant exterior, Blue rooftop, hard oak and mahogany combined frames, a few antique furnitures...the house isn't as big as the commercial houses in Paris, but it was big enough for Toby and herself. It has two rooms in the first floor, a spacious kitchen and dining area, the living room was where her grandmother's piano used to be at before her mum had it moved to Fleet Street after she married her father, and a bathroom. Upstairs is the master's bedroom, two more rooms for her Aunties, a small guest room and a common bathroom. What she loved about the house ever since she was a little girl is the heavenly view of the sea outside. Yes, she has once dreamed of living here when she was a kid, all because of her love for the sea. But she loved London, she loved her friends there...the Barker family.

Little introduction, small talks before Nellie went up to the master's bedroom and unpacked her luggage. It was a good thing she made prior notice to Mrs. Perez, the caretaker, about her and Toby's homecoming, almost everything is set and cleaned already. Indeed, it was all in favor of her current condition. Perhaps tomorrow she can go with Toby to the market to get a few more things they would need and to get him used to the new environment as well.

Nellie uttered a prayer, she hoped things will be better here in France.
She hoped...She can forget about Sweeney Todd and the nightmares she had with him through this new place, her new home.

Nellie didn't realize she fell asleep so easily on the bed of her new room, it was already dark when she opened her eyes. Still quite not herself, she looked around the room, she already expected him to walk in silently in her room to leave her food on the sidetable and sit down beside her bed for a little while just to touch her forehead or softly call her "Elle".

"Mum...?"
Nellie opened her eyes, it wasn't him. It was Toby. She covered her upper face with her palm in embarassment. What was that again? What did she just imagined seconds ago?
Nellie let out a sigh.

"I-I brought you your dinner mum. I-I just thought my baby brother would be hungry by now."
The baby... She repeated in her mind and sighed again. It wasn't her, it was the baby who is missing that man.
'Missing that man!' She snapped in her mind and covered her head with the pillow. It hasn't been a day yet for Christ's sake! What is happening to her?! Bloody hell, her emotions are turning upside down.

"M-mum? Is there something wrong? Should I get your medicines?" Asked Toby.

"N-no, love. I'm fine... Have you eaten?" He touched his cheek.
"Yes mum, Mrs. Perez made some salad and soup for us to eat, she said she knows we're exhausted. I wanted to eat with you but she told me to eat first and just bring you these when uou wake up." He explained.
"Thank you, Toby."
"I should go then, mum..." Toby looked down before he walked slowly out of her room. She knows the little kid is still sad.

Lonely days and long nights have passed in their new house. Nellie still can't get herself to feel at home in the place, something is missing. It isn't just about the horrible morning sickness that is making her feel uncomfortable every waking moment of her life, it isn't just the "every now and then" throwing up that is making her feel empty...she's alone. Not literally as she has Toby, but she feels so alone.

Weeks have already passed since they moved in to this place, looking for a new home, finding a new environment and hoping for a better life...but all they had was this empty feeling. Toby has never been the same jolly kid he was back in London. He became distant from her, almost like he turned himself into a literal house boy, he would come to her only when he knows she needs something... Everything the kid does now is in ritual; Her breakfast and medicine in bed every morning; his "how-are-you-feeling-mum?" Question every afternoon; and his "have-a-good-night-sleep-mum" after dinner. She had no one to talk to, she had nothing to do as well and she feels so empty...so alone.

"Stay with mum, Toby..." She held his little hand when he turned around after saying his "goodnight" to her.
"Please, stay with me, love..."she repeated, almost begging the little boy to stay.
Toby went up to her bed and embraced her. Nellie's tears fell. She can feel her son's loneliness. She can feel his own longingness for that one particular person who pushed them to escape to this place.

"You can talk to me, Toby... Don't ever feel like anything has changed. I'm still your mum."
Toby looked up to her when he noticed her voice was broken.
"I know you miss London... I do miss it too... But we have to do this. It's the only way I can keep the baby safe..." She continued.
"I just..." Toby sighed.
"I just don't get it mum. The baby is and will always be safe with Mr. Todd. No parent would harm his own child..." Nellie couldn't talk, how can she tell him that Sweeney Todd is the very demon who had cause her all the worst harm she had in her life?

"I have no idea what he did to you mum... I just know that he loves you. I can see that in his eyes."
"You're still too young to know, love..." She said wiping her tears.
"I saw the way my father looked at my mother whenever he looked at you..." Toby said softly, his voice was broken. Nellie pushed him gently and looked at his eyes. She never knew Toby has even met his parents.

"I was already six when they died mum. They died in a train accident, they sacrificed their lives for me to survive. My mother died with me in her arms...everything is still clear in my mind. I never forget all those happy memories we shared. I always play it in my mind so I won't forget..."

"Oh, Toby!!!" Nellie didn't know what to say, she felt her heart ripped just looking at Toby's eyes.

"I don't want my little brother to experience worse pain than I had mum... At least, I have witnessed my parents' love for each other even in a very short period of time... Mr. Todd loves you...and you used to look at him the way my mum looked at my father too..." Toby looked up to her. Eye to eye, he continued.
"Please give my brother a chance to be happy mum, just like you gave me a second chance to have a family... Don't let my brother cry every night the way I did, just thinking how nice would it be to have my parents beside me...don't let our little angel shed tears just because he never got the chance to see his father even when he is still so much alive."

Nellie's tears fell like a flowing river down to a very high cliff.
She didn't know how painful and unfair life has been for this young boy, she had no idea how much burden and sadness he's been carrying in his little heart all these years.

"I am sorry... I am so sorry baby..." She embraced the tiny frame of Toby ever so tightly.

Is that exactly what she's doing to her own child? Is she really taking away his chance to have a happy and normal family because of her own feelings and fears? In the darkest part of her life, will there ever be a light that she can share with her baby?