Summer of '99 - H.S.

Chapter Five

  Harry Styles 1999

I watch Joey fiddle with the rings on her hands in the backseat of the car that Twiggy insists he didn't knick, something I know she does when she is nervous or uncomfortable. She also does it when she thinks too much, which worries me because I know exactly what she is thinking about. Tonight is the rave in Liverpool, and I know she is worried about me being around drugs again so soon after my episode at the weekend.

"So why have we come early again, Twiggy?" Joey asks him. I'm glad she didn't ask me because I don't know if I would have the heart to tell her.

"I just have a little errand to run, flower." That's all he says, no elaboration and I know on some level Joey knows what that means, but I also know part of her is too afraid to ask. She still doesn't trust him, thinks he is up to no good. Well she doesn't know him as well as I do, he's a good lad, but he's definitely up to no good.

"Mmm." I hear Joey mumble in a disapproving tone,  as she rolls down the window in the backseat, I offer her a little smile, hoping to calm some of her nerves. I feel awful that she has to worry about me this way, I shouldn't be such a burden on her, I hate to think she won't enjoy herself fully because she will be worrying about what I am doing, even though I have assured her that the weekend incident was a fluke.

I said I would never touch pills again, but I was finally in such a good place mentally that I felt maybe just this once would be okay. I wanted to enjoy myself like a normal person and for it to be fucking fine. It was fine. Until Connor the cunt came slithering over and started talking shit to me about Joey, as soon as she left the room.

Connor has always been a fucking twat, but he finally crossed the line. I knew as soon as I saw Joey crying and him smirking behind her, that he had put his hands on her and that she had not liked it. The rage that flew through me was something I have never felt before, I wanted to kill him right there in his own house, I would have as well had Joey begged me not to. The rest of the night after that seemed fine, me and Joey had this very weird fucking sexual tension moment neither of us had ever felt before, and I know she fucking felt it too because I know her, she can't hide anything from me, not even secret arousal.

But we got over that, we were both drunk and high and it was just one of those things, it hasn't happened since and probably won't happen again. I was absolutely fine when Hannah and Sadie came over, I was fucking fine until he started talking shit the second Joey went outside.

He said some disgusting things, called her a dirty slag and a dick tease, said she secretly loved having his hands on her, how her neck tasted, he actually fucking said to me, "what a waste of pussy you have, two fit birds, you should let me take one off your hands", that's what did it. I don't remember much after that, not until I woke up with a faceful of Joey's hair and the smell of bacon drifting from the kitchen.

I will never tell Joey what he said about her, because she doesn't deserve to hear about it. I promised I wouldn't hurt him, for her, but that didn't stop Twiggy paying him a little visit. I chose to omit that truth from her too.

"Turn it up Twig, I love this song." Joey shouts from the back seat as I Am the Resurrection by The Stone Roses starts playing from the tape I gave him to put in the tape deck of the car. I am pulled from my thoughts about the weekend as I watch Joey start singing along. She is never more comfortable and free than when she is listening to music she loves, her smile is infectious as we all start singing with her, the music is turned up to top volume as we all start shouting along and acting out the lyrics with each other in the backseat.

The windows are down and the breeze blows Joey's hair everywhere, she brings her arms above her head and sings at the top of her lungs, I join in with her as I feel a warmth spreading through my chest at the sight of her. I love it when she's so comfortable and vibrant and carefree, she spends so much of her time doubting herself that she misses out on all the good parts that I get to see. She truly is my best friend, and to see her happy makes me happy, so I sing louder, laugh louder and forget about the rest of the shit that has happened and will happen and just live in this moment, because they don't last forever. So I savour it while I can.