love you to the stars and back - Hongbae oneshot book

Heart full of You

Sometimes Hoyoung wonders if they know.

Minchan does. There isn't much about his feelings, or those of any of them, that Minchan doesn't know. It's easy for him — instinctive, even. Sometimes he wonders how Minchan handles all of their inner stuff and separates them from his own.

Maybe he doesn't. Maybe that's why he edits and paints and sings so much when nobody is around.

Dongheon knows too, Hoyoung muses on, because he tells all of them on a daily basis and doesn't give up until they return it earnestly. But do the younger four boys know how much space they take up in his heart? That he remembers, at least for the most part, which video games Gyehyeon likes and doesn't like (it's impossible to keep a full catalogue, that boy is borderline addicted) and which one he's played already and what he thought of it; how he knows Yongseung needs at least three instances of physical affection a day to survive, no matter in which form, hugs, handholding, head pats, anything; how he's made it to habit to keep up with Yeonho's favourite ice cream flavor of the week so he can buy it for him when he has the chance because so often is Yeonho spending money on them and he wants to return the favour; and that he makes sure to have the directions ready for the places where they agree to meet, just in case Kangmin asks for them because this kid has no sense of orientation at all and would rather die than to admit and humiliate himself in the group chat.

Do they really know how much he cares? Because as far as he's concerned, he for sure doesn't act much like it.

He isn't as open about it as Dongheon is. He doesn't cling onto them like Kangmin and Yongseung do and rarely makes the effort to prepare them presents for every occasion like Yeonho, for whom it seems to be nothing more than the bare minimum. He is neither a comfort pillow nor an emphatic talker like Minchan, who is their safe space on bad days and always knows the right thing to say. He isn't even like Gyehyeon, who pretends he can't stand any of them but still shows up every time and once fought with authorities to keep Kangmin out of detention back in high school.

Hoyoun is sort of...just there. Doesn't do anything. Stands around and watches and remembers. Just like he does now.

In all their years together, he feels like the only one who hasn't changed a bit since the beginning.

Is it really just him? Do the others feel the same? He can't tell. They look so happy. But if he has learned one thing in the past few years, it's that smiles cover up bruises and laughter hides the darkest shadows.

A yelp pulls him out of his thoughts.

Minchan shrieks like the seagulls when another wave sweeps in and drenches his jeans on the part he sits on. He lets out a long groan. Hoyoung smirks. Gyehyeon will surely take the chance to make fun of him on the way back to their hotel.

"You okay there?"

Minchan whips his head around at the sound of his voice.

"Jesus, Hoyoung— For how long have you been standing here?" His dark eyes sparkle like a sunset in a puddle.

"I dunno. Five minutes. Six. Seven? Ten?" Hoyoung shrugs. "The others are running around. I'd rather not move."

Minchan chuckles. It's subtler than back home. Quieter. But somehow even fonder.

"Join me?"

Hoyoung hesitates. He feels like he's intruding, an unwelcome guest in the silent exchange between Minchan and the sea, a bringer of rain in the clear sky. It has been ages since their last beach trip. Minchan would want some time to himself to catch up with his old friend.

But then Minchan crawls a few steps back, away from the line of water reaching out to him and closer to Hoyoung, and softly pats the sand on his right, where no wave has touched the place yet and Hoyoung feels his resistance crumble.