semi automatic

fourteen

she squeezed her eyes shut, so tight. oh, so tight, that when she opened them she saw black cloud her vision as little multicolored dots floated around. it lasted for a good twelve seconds before it started to fade away, like a movie fading into the credits. having nothing better to do, she did it again. squeezing her eyes until she saw multicolored dots dance in front of her. she did it a couple times before she garnered a headache. she sat up, her mind feeling foggy and little lightheaded. she walked into the bathroom and grabbed some tylenol.

she thought about getting drunk. drinking until she forgot. forgot about awsten, forgot about taylor and how she couldn't work for a while. forget about tyler. she'd probably have to drink quite a bit for that, though. she just wanted to get wasted.

wasted, just like all her potential.

but, she decided not to. who knows what drunk y/n might be capable of. and she didn't want to deal with a hangover, not when she was already so far down on her luck. why make it worse with the feeling of throwing up at the mention of food, or wanting to bang your head against the wall every time someone even so much as whispered around you. she's not trying to make herself feel worse on purpose, you know.

maybe in a couple days she could gather herself. go back to work, go back to classes instead of having robert talk to all of her professors for her work.

at least she's trying, that's all she can say about herself.

walking into the living room, she's met with silence. robert not being home, and obviously took alf with him. probably at phoebes, drinking or something. she doesn't know, she hasn't spoken to phoebe in days. and as selfish and awful as it may sound, she intends to keep it that way. if she were to talk to phoebe, she knows that she'll be able to get it out of her. make her spill and talk about what's been going on. talk things out into the open and just think— really think about what she did and what she should do. and y/n just cant have that.

so, instead of drinking, or calling her friends for help, or even reaching out to the two people who mad her feel this way .. she opts for something easier.

locking herself in her room until she is forced to deal with her thoughts and consequences of her own actions.

—

tyler's throat still hurts from when he screamed the other night. he wasn't sure what possessed him to do that, but it felt good. to let everything that had been pent up for too long, finally come out.

josh was worried sick when he was gone. when tyler returned, josh had pulled him into a hug saying to never do something like that again. tyler only nodded and left his hands at his sides while josh continued to hug him. josh said he had been gone for hours and left his phone in his room. tyler couldn't help but feel confused.

hours. he was gone for hours.

in his mind it felt like he had only driven out twenty minutes, walked a good chunk into the forest, ten minutes. screamed and sat on the ground, fifteen minutes. forty five minutes, how could he have been gone for hours.

maybe he didn't stay for fifteen minutes. it only felt that way as his mind rolled at a hundred miles per hour. sitting with his legs crossed over each other, playing with a small twig, as he thought about what had happened. so maybe it wasn't fourth five minutes, maybe it was more like three hours. but tyler didn't care. even though it was filled with him thinking about y/n and how she was mad at him, it flew by. and before he knew it, he was at home being coddled by josh.

josh made him sit in the couch and covered him with a blanket. and they talked things out. talked about how tyler was feeling, where he went, what he did. what had happened at y/n's.

"so.. what happened?"

tyler shrugged, "i was— we, uhm." he struggled for a bit. and he hated that he couldn't just straight out and say what was on his mind. he felt so stupid in that moment. "tonight i was gonna tell her everything. tell her everything about—."

josh squinted his eyes, "wait.. everything?" he questioned.

tyler's eyes widened, "well, not everything. just the basics for her to get to know me. and stuff to make her feel comfortable to tell me things about her." he lied. he couldn't let josh know that y.n knew about them— about what they do. he knows that she would never tell, but josh wasn't so open about things.

"okay, so what happened?"

tyler leaned back, his head resting against the wall. "i don't know, man. i picked her up from work and i kissed her again—."

"again?" josh interrupted again.

tyler rolled his eyes, "yes, again. are you gonna let me finish?" josh nodded and muttered a small 'sorry' as he raised his hands in mock defense.

"okay, so. uhm— yeah, i kissed her again, and then i went to kiss her again and she pulled back saying we should take things about before we go on any further. but, when we got to her house, she kissed me like.. full on. we went up to her bedroom, and i swear, josh, i had never felt such euphoria. i felt so at peace, y'know, feeling her against me. but, her boyfriend walked in and all hell broke loose. he said something like.. he saw us before and then he broke up with her right then and there, and then!" he exclaimed, anger starting to find its way back to him. "she- she got mad at me! said i should leave and called me bullshit. so, i just went out into the words and stayed out there for a while, i guess."

josh stared at the floor below him as he tried to take in the information given to him. he truly didn't know what to say, and he felt bad about that. he wanted so desperately to help his friend, make him feel better. but he didn't know how. he had never been in something so complicated. so, he just went the easy route.

he dropped his hand onto his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, "im sorry, man. maybe.. try to take the next few days easy. we'll take time off, we need to anyway. just relax and maybe think of ways to," he trailed off, not knowing what to say to make the younger man feel better. but tyler got the gist, and he nodded.

tyler turned his head and gave a halfhearted smile, "thanks, man."

"anytime."

AUTHORS NOTE!
heh... remember me?
sorry i've been gone
for so long, truly i have
no excuse other than
kinda .. falling out of love
with this book?? BUT
i am back and i have so
many ideas so pls don't
worry. sorry it took so
long for this to come out
and leaving u on a cliffhanger
of sorts but here u go..
idk if i like it but it's something
so .. yeah.. uhm enjoy?
ok ily bye.

.